Thor has seen Loki's Jotun form before, of course has. He's felt the ice cold skin under his fingertips and he's looked into blood red eyes, seen them fill with pain and hurt, watched them turn back to Æsir green and pale skin.
But, this time is different.
Loki's asleep next to him when it happens. His black hair fanned around his head like a halo, wayward pieces grazing his cheek and resting on his forehead. His lips are parted, and Thor can feel wisps of air caress his face from where it lays on the pillow next to Loki's. He's curled into a loose foetal position, and Thor can never get over how young, and how innocent he looks in moments like these, how he can lose himself in pale skin and dark hair until the sun rises through the drapes.
Loki snuffles in his sleep, pursing his lips when a piece of hair brushes the tip of his nose, huffing quietly whenever it moves, and Thor can't help the smile that flits across his lips, even as he reaches a hand to brush the hair away.
The first sign that something is wrong is when Loki's brow furrows, and his lips turn down at the edges. Thor sees his hands clench in the bed sheet where they're curled to his chest and sees the muscles of his shoulders tense even as his eyes pinch at the corners.
Thor runs a soothing hand up Loki's arm, feels the taught muscles twitch and quiver under his touch, but Loki doesn't wake and it's not until Thor reaches his neck that something actually changes.
It's a quick flicker of blue at first, and Thor isn't sure that it actually happens, wasn't just a figment of his imagination, but it happens again, spreading from Loki's elbow down to his fingertips. And it stays.
It travels like paint over a canvas, along muscle and skin and bone, delves into the little dips and hollows of Loki's body, and Thor can't look away.
There's raised blue wrapped around Loki's forearms and biceps, shapes and runes across his cheeks and forehead before fading into his scalp and Thor assumes they cover his legs as well, belly and chest.
Loki is as cold as ice, when Thor finally allows himself to touch, but it doesn't burn like he expects it to, even after touching before, not like the Jotuns in Jotunheim, and if it were not for the blueness of his skin and the runes, Thor wouldn't believe they were related at all.
Thor traces the markings on Loki's forearm, feels the small bumps and the ice that seeps into his own fingers, marvels how Loki is still so beautiful.
He can remember the stories his father would tell him, of Jotuns that were little more than monsters that needed to be burnt out, of evil Giants and brave warriors of Asgard falling to their deaths at the hands of these monsters. And he remembers how when he was only just old enough to talk, and Loki nothing more than a babe, he'd tell great tales of how he'd slay the Frost Giants when he was king, that Loki would be his queen, that they would rule all of Asgard together after all the Jotuns were slain.
Thor can not even think of Loki dead by his hand, hollow and lifeless green eyes staring up at him and blood pooling around him.
Because Loki is not a monster like in the stories. He is a brother, and a son, a lover and a father, he is beautiful and witty, cunning, clever and strong. He is Loki of Asgard.
Thor doesn't know how long he's been staring, lost in his thoughts and thumb going numb as it lazily traces skin, but Loki shifts and his muscles tense like they are wont to do before waking. He briefly thinks of closing his eyes and pretending to sleep, allowing Loki a moment of privacy when he awakens to blue skin, but decides against it, watches his eyes flicker behind lids, before revealing sleep warm red eyes.
Loki smiles, one his true smiles that he gives when his barriers and masks aren't in place, and Thor didn't think it could be anymore beautiful that it usually was, but his blue lips curling at the edges and the small glint of white teeth in the middle prove him wrong, causes him to smile in return and run the tips of his fingers along his jaw.
Thor knows the exact moment Loki realises something is different.
His eyes flicker towards his hand curled in the bedsheets, flinches away and his eyes widen briefly before a cold mask replaces his soft features, Thor misses them the moment they're gone, reaches out to touch Loki again, but he's gone rigged, moving from the bed in carefully controlled movements like a hunted animal.
Thor knows he should say something but instead sits against the headboard and watches, watches the emotions play out across Loki's face, sees how he rubs his arm as if willing his skin to change to pink. The silence is heavy bar for their breathing and Loki's shuffled movements, it's thick and weighs on them both, but Thor has never been good at saying the right thing, even when he means well and he knows Loki, knows he's planning deep within his own head.
He only has a moment to wonder how long the silence is going to last, before Loki is slumping in on himself, though still elegant. His back is turned to the bed, his arms folded around himself and his head hanging low. Thor's just glad he hasn't run, hasn't hidden away.
" I can't change back." It's just a whisper, dejected and hurt, everything that Loki's hidden away, but Thor hears it anyway, and it breaks his heart. That Loki hates this form so much, despises it and feels like a monster, when Thor can see nothing but beauty and Loki.
"You don't need to change back." Loki stiffens. "You're beautiful like this, even as you are Æsir, it doesn't change that you are still the Loki I know."
Loki has twisted around before the sentence has left Thor's lips, and even naked and blue he looks regal, powerful in his own right and Thor feels a brief heat stir between his legs.
" How can you even think that, let alone say it?" Loki's lips are pulled back in a pseudo snarl, doesn't even let Thor open his mouth before continuing. "Have your views changed so easily, brother? That the once Almighty Thor, slayer of Frost Giants now finds this, this skin, pleasing? Could you even stomach lying with me, finding pleasure in the body of a monster, or would you close your eyes and pretend I was some fair whore, even as you felt my skin freeze you!"
Where Loki had started cutting words, and spiteful rage, he'd ended raw filled, and seeping through his words, his eyes suspiciously wet.
"I do not lay with you only for your looks, brother! Do you think me so shallow, or is it something else? I love you, because you are you. You are beautiful in any form you take Loki, and I would gladly treasure any you gave me. I wish I could get you to believe me." Thor breathes in a second, watches Loki turn his head away, jaw tight, almost unmoved, until Thor moves from the bed, crowding into Loki's space.
"Thor, wha-" Thor doesn't allow Loki to finish the sentence, doesn't allow him time to speak before pulling him into a kiss. It's harsh and bruising and Loki is stiff and unyielding, cold hands folded between their chest, but not pushing Thor away, not even when Thor breaks the would be kiss to speak.
"Perhaps if you do not believe my words, you'd believe my actions." He murmurs.
"You think you can make everything better with mere touches?" Loki scoffs and tries to move away, but Thor's grip is strong, the blue skin under his finger pads fading almost to white. "You are a fool, brother. I could have your head served to me on a platter, now remove your hands."
"You could." Thor agrees easily, even as he ignores the last, grips his hands tighter and pulls until Loki is flush against his chest. "But you won't, because you want this as much as me. You want to feel wanted and desired in this form as much as it disgusts you, and I plan to show you." and to change your mind, he hands silently.
Loki snarls, and his nails bite into Thor's chest, but Thor had expected it, doesn't even wince at the pain of cut skin, instead latches his mouth onto the long column of Loki's neck and sucks, bites, feels the cool warmth of a bruise under his tongue and how the body in his arms tries to stay unyielding even as he moans.
Thor guides Loki to the bed, not moving his head from the neck in front of him.
Loki's still stiff when he finally falls onto the bed, turns his head away refusing to look at either Thor or himself, and Thor wishes nothing more than to claim his lips to wash away his fears, but knows Loki's more likely to bite his tongue than welcome it, so he settles to brush his mouth against runes and marks, sucks on Loki's collarbones and down until he meets two raised nubs.
Thor knows Loki's nipples have always been sensitive, he doesn't even hesitate to close his lips around the left and suck, has to suppress a smirk when Loki's whole body jolts and a moan leaves his lips, allows himself a look through his eyelashes at Loki's face and marvels how what would normally be a flush of red is now a gradient of darker blue from his cheeks down to his chest.
Thor can feel Loki's arousal flush to his belly, his own hard and aching between his legs but he ignores both for the moment, continues is ministrations to Loki's right nipple, even as he rubs his palm along his sides until they rest on his hips.
When he finally pulls off, Loki's nipples are hard and taught to the air, his chest heaving laboured breaths, and though his head is still turned away, Thor can see the flush on his cheeks, and how his lower lip is caught between sharp white teeth.
"Turn over." He says, voice raw.
Loki narrows his eyes, and Thor has a brief jolt of uncertainty, wonders if he's going to instead run from the bed, but Loki let's out a sigh, and moves to rest on his front.
Thor can see now how tense the muscles of his back are, and how much he's holding himself back, ready for cruel words and disgusted touches, he has to close his eyes and take a breath, not sure if this is going to make anything better, but before he can change his mind, two red eyes catch his.
"Are you just going to stare, or have to realised how much of a mistake you've made?" The words are scathing, either at Loki himself or Thor he's not sure, but it hardens his resolve, and he moves down the bed until his legs hang from the edge, and his breath can ghost across the small of Loki's back.
He licks into the small hollows there, palms kneading the two mounds of flesh and muscle below, allowing his thumbs to dip and work into the crease, and his ears don't miss the quite moan Loki makes after his first jolt of surprise.
Thor allows himself a brief moment of smugness before he bites into Loki's right cheek and parting them. The skin around Loki's rim is darker blue, and Thor can see Loki's cock, hard and glistening at the top, smudging on the bed sheets below and onto his thigh, he inhales the scent of fresh musk, before allowing his tongue to slip between his lips and across Loki's pucker.
Loki whines, high in his throat, before there's a jolt above him and Thor assumes Loki's biting his hand to muffle the sound, but doesn't stop to look, instead licks and kisses, sucks across the furrowed flesh, allows the spit to drip down his chin. The body above him rocks back and forth, like he can't decide if he wants to move away to prove a point, or closer to the pleasure, but Thor chooses for him, when he licks his way into the warm passage, bites at the rim before sucking, and Loki screams, hand falling away from his mouth.
Thor continues to suck and lick until Loki's writhing on the bed, all of his masks gone and moaning openly, before he lifts his body from it's position between his legs, and Loki whines at the loss, composure completely broken, Thor allows himself a soft smile at the picture Loki makes in front of him, before he raises his hand to the spit slicked opening, rubbing his fingers in the saliva there and across the rim until they're wet enough not to hurt.
Loki's jolting his hips against Thor's fingers, mumbling under his breath, when Thor finally pushes first one, then a second finger into the tight heat. The fingers stay still for a moment, until Loki pushes himself back, and Thor takes the hints, rubs his fingers at first until he starts to move them back and forth, painstakingly slow before quickening the pace.
Thor wants nothing more than to bury himself in Loki, pleasure them both until they come, hard and panting, but it's not about what he wants, not today, today it's about Loki, making Loki feel good, instead he lets his gaze sweep over the writhing body below him, watches every twitch and listens to every moan and whimper, marvels at the beauty of long limbs and soft skin.
Loki's panting hard when Thor finally sees him move a hand underneath, no doubt to touch himself, but he stops him before it can reach it's mark.
"So beautiful. You'll come like this, just from my fingers inside you, making you feel good." Thor rises, and nips at the nape of Loki's neck, just as his fingers brush and rub his prostate, and Loki stiffens, body going completely taught, before he moans from deep within his throat, and Thor can feel Loki's passage clenching around his fingers, even as wet heat hits his leg where it lays between Loki's, and Thor can't help it, comes untouched across Loki's lower back, let's out a great gush of air, before managing to roll over before he collapses, fingers sliding slowly from Loki, who doesn't even twitch.
Loki's heaving great breaths of air, his hair damp and his skin glistening with sweat, and when he finally looks at Thor, he can see the wet tracks on Loki's face, and the bitten raw red splatters of blood across his lips, and Thor eyes' widen even as his gut twists with guilt and disgust at himself.
"Thank you." Loki says before Thor can say anything, it's said so quietly, but it's truthful and sated, a little bit happy, and Thor relaxes a little, leans forward and brushes his lips across Loki's, allows himself to relax fully when the kiss is returned, soft and wet.
"I love you." Thor says, and Loki smiles, sweet, like the ones he used to, and everything is not okay, he can tell Loki still doesn't believe him, at least not yet (maybe not ever), but it's a start, and his eyes are heated when Loki reaches behind himself and runs his hand through Thor's come on his back, eyebrow raised playfully when he sucks his fingers into his mouth.
"You came just from touching me." It's full of wonderment, and surprise.
It's a start, Thor's very much ready for the rest.