February 13th, (year)
To my dear Young Master,
I'm sure you know of things that must be said, but cannot be. Those things that eat away at your mind, begging to be released, but you know it would be wrong to. So you hide it away, keeping it to yourself, and every day, you wonder what would happen if it got out. It does nothing but cause one pain, and distracts them from more important tasks. Though it is inappropriate for a butler to have such a thing, I have, for a very long time. For this, I apologize. But this letter is about one of those things, and it is a means for me to tell you. In a way, I am not saying it, but writing it, though that does not change the message involved, or the fact that you will now be aware of it. But I cannot imagine saying this to your face. I, though for a moment you may doubt it, will freely admit to being nervous.
In light of tomorrow's date, the other servants here have convinced me to confess something I've been keeping secret for quite some time. I had no intention of allowing either them or you to find out but, through unwanted actions, they have and now, you will know as well. As a butler, I should not be keeping secrets and for that, I sincerely apologize. I am coming forwards now, and telling you this. Ciel Phantomhive, I harbor very strong feelings for you, and not just for your soul. I've been told these feelings are commonly referred to as love.
Truly, for one such as myself to say such things, may be out of line. However, it has gotten rather difficult to hide these emotions and I'm increasingly happy I am finally allowing you to know, even as I write these words so very carefully. Do not feel any need to respond to or even acknowledge this letter of mine. And please, heaven and hell forbid, do not feel pressured into returning my, perhaps unwelcome, affections.
My moment of boldness is over. I bid you good-night, my beloved Young Master.
Forever your faithful butler,
P.S. I cannot help but add this, as one can always hope: On the slight chance you should honestly feel the same towards me as I feel for you, I shall be in the ball room by the main parlor for two hours after noon tomorrow. Please feel free to join me there, should you so desire. If not… then that is such the price for sharing secrets, and once I receive this knowledge that you are truly disinterested, I shall leave. Not only the room, but I shall leave my feelings out of your sight, until the end.
Standing in his bedroom, Ciel stared down at the note in his fingers, hand trembling with anger and tears blurring his vision. "To say such things… truly is bold, Sebastian," he growled quietly, at no one in particular, "To lie about something such as this… truly… is out of line."
Just then, the door opened and Ciel dropped the letter, envelope and all. It fluttered down to the ground as Ciel turned to see who was coming in. It was Sebastian, of course. Who else would it be?
Catching sight of the young boy's fearful expression and the paper at his feet, Sebastian didn't even have to guess at whether or not Ciel had seen his note. "Does the young master wish to be alone at the moment?" he asked quietly, averting his eyes to the polished wooden floor.
"Um…" Ciel turned back around, hiding his eyes from view, "Yes. In fact, there's no reason to tend to me until morning. Good-night, Sebastian." He swiped at solitary tear that had fallen onto his cheek. He heard a whispered 'Good-night, my lord,' before the door clicked shut.
The young earl, as soon as he heard the clearly-recognizable click, fell to his knees and grabbed the letter from where it had fallen, gripping it tightly. Anger boiled inside him as he crumpled it up into a tiny ball and threw it at his door as hard as he could, where it fell with a nearly inaudible noise, silently cursing his demon to the deepest depths of Hell that existed.
"You… you idiot. Why do you enjoy playing with me so? Especially when I feel the way I do."
February 14, (year)
In his study, as he always is, Ciel had trouble focusing on the task at hand; that is, creating the largest card tower he could. Once again, he knocked it over with his trembling fingers. He glanced at the clock hanging on the wall.
It can't be true.
It can't be a lie.
Ciel tapped his foot beneath his desk impatiently. His work had been completed, but with nothing to do, there wasn't even that to distract his thoughts from his butler and the letter he had received last night. He hadn't spoken to Sebastian since he received it; instead he chose to brush his demon away all day, to sort his thoughts out. But it was almost noon and it hadn't happened yet. But the impending time of noon had reminded the post-script on the letter; "I shall be in the ball room by the main parlor for two hours after noon tomorrow." Surely, that couldn't be a lie, could it? But it couldn't be the truth; that was ridiculous! A demon loving a human! Preposterous!
He never lies.
He's never completely truthful.
All those times Ciel hadn't been precise enough in his orders, Sebastian would find a way to mess with his head, to get under his skin. Of course, he never lied directly, but he wouldn't tell the whole truth the first time around, he would have to get anything short of interrogated.
I can't possible go.
But I so dearly wish to.
It would be wrong, for Ciel to go, to accept the emotions and thoughts he's been having, but he wished for nothing more than to go, to see if his demon was honestly confessing his feelings. There was a burning desire hidden in his chest, one that begged him to dash out of the room now; that shouted at his to get on his feet and claim the prize he's so desired for so long.
He wants to make a fool out of me.
But what if he doesn't?
Demons prey off the innocent and naïve, should Ciel be naïve enough to go answering to a letter than wasn't serious that would deal a major blow to his pride, and he wouldn't hear the end of it for days. And should the word get out, it would not only be his pride and dignity, but his image and company. But on the chance that Sebastian was serious, well, Ciel couldn't pass up a chance like that.
He's probably there by now.
Ready to wait for me for two hours before giving up hope and leaving.
Should I go?
Ciel Phantomhive never hesitates. He never makes a fool of himself. He never falls in love.
February 14, (year)
To the Young Master,
I am deeply sorry for my actions. Forgive my imprudence.
Forever your faithful butler,
Ciel traced the latest letter with his fingertips, tears once more pricking his eyes. "I'm sorry, Sebastian," he whispered, "I'm sorry."
AHH! I'M SORRY FOR DOING THAT TO POOR CIEL AND SEBASTIAN! Okay. I'm done freaking out. Anyways, I've been really busy lately. And now I'm going to bed. So I'm going to wrap this up. I might continue this. I probably will. Most likely later this week.