Disclaimer: I WANNA BE A MEMBER OF CLAMP!!! But I'm not. Thusly, Card Captor Sakura is not mine. I'm just abusing its characters for a couple of laughs. Ain't life grand?

Hello, Readers! I hope you all had a great holiday! I know I did! Aren't things just better when school's out? I wish it could have lasted forever. Ah, the dreams of a madwoman. Anyways, I'm back, and I'm getting a very slow start on this chapter. Everyone's suggestions were so good! The Masses have demanded Touya's outbox, but I really loved TamChronin's idea of Nakuru's outbox and the suggestion from that kooky kirjava-chan to make one chapter of JUST Questionnaire things! It was a very hard choice to make, but I finally came to a decision.

~FlAsHbAcK~

Odd World: Eeny, meeny, miney, moe. . . Catch a tiger by the toe. . . If he hollers, let him go. . .

Tiger: RAWR! Taber nack! Lache-moi!

Odd World: AH!

~EnD fLaShBaCk~

French speaking tigers are scary. Oh, yes, and the Eleventy-First (had to check my Lord of the Rings book for that one) reviewer is Tokyo Flame, while to 100th is TamChronin. Wow. 120 reviews. I feel so . . . so . . . gassy. Ew, that's the last time I eat bacon covered cocktail weenies. Okies, go read the fic now! And don't forget to laugh!

Oh, and those with a sick and twisted minds (ahem, ME) may find that Fujitaka's address can mean two things. But I'm sure we all trust our dear Fuji-chan to NOT be so disgusting (like -oh, let's say- ME).

Card Captor Sakura Gets a Computer

By: Oddy-chan (^-^). No, I kid you: it's by Odd World. And remember, kids, just don't try this at home. Because then I'd sue your ass.


~Letters from Touya~

OR: Touya's Outbox


From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

To: Fujitaka Kinomoto mount_fuji@hotmail.ja

Subject: At Home

Otou-san,

I hope your trip is going well. Here in Tomoeda, things are at normal strangeness. Sakura's little stuffed animal has an obsession with panties. I've worn a pirate costume 4 times this week alone. My 72 year-old professor is making moves on me between classes. Yuki and Cerberus emptied our fridge in one hour; all we had left is some milk that Yuki claimed was clumpy. Yuki felt bad and bought us groceries. Cerberus ate them all twenty minutes later.

Otherwise, everything is fine. Sakura and I are getting along well. I've refrained from injuring her boyfriend, and she's refrained from kicking me with her roller blades on.

Take care of yourself.

~*~

From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org

Subject: Re: Truce?


Kid.

I hate you.


Original Message

From: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org

To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

Subject: Truce?

Kinomoto.

Seeing as you may very well be my brother-in-law shortly - if I don't critically harm you first, of course - shall we call a truce? For Sakura's sake.

Syaoran Li


~*~

From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Truce?


Why don't you just shut up?


Original Message:

From: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org

To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

Subject: Re: Re: Truce?


And I hope you die a horrible, slow, pain-filled death that includes many carrots, spatulas, and a small dog trained to attack you on sight.

Syaoran Li

~*~

From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Truce?


Maybe I'll just do that. Maybe I'll go there and happily bash your computer over your head so you'll stop sending me these useless and stupid e-mails. Your call, bitch.


Original Message:

From: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org

To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Truce?

Why don't you make me?

~*~

From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

To: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org

Subject: Re: The Last Laugh.


Yeah, well, let me say this last thing: At least I'm not the head of some incest mafia. Weren't you engaged to your cousin? Makes me wonder how your parents were related.

Remember, you poor inbred bastard: he who laughs last thinks slowest.


Original Message:

From: Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org

To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

Subject: The Last Laugh.


Dickhead,

I'm afraid that since your head is stuck too far up your ass to call a truce, I will just have to ignore you altogether.

Syaoran Li



~*~

From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org

Subject: Leave me alone.

No. I really don't want to tell you about the carrot and spatula incident. Really. Trust me, I love humiliating that Li guy, but the reasons why the carrot and spatula were there in the first place. . . You'd probably figure it out. And that would be pretty embarrassing. Why don't you stop sending me these e-mails asking about The Incident and go film my sister or something?

Oh, and is it there a new fad now to have your e-mail end in your last name? Would I be EXTRA cool f I had my address as "kinomoto@kinomoto.org"? Ooo, ooo, tell me, tell me!

~*~

From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

To: Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org

Subject: Re: Actually. . .


I was being sarcastic!


~*~

From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

To: Yukito Tsukishiro snowbunny912@doublepersonality.org, Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com, Tomoyo Daidouji kawaiigurlluver99@daidouji.org, Syaoran Li magicwolf@li_clan.org, Eriol Hiiragizawa concentrated_evil@darkmagicians.com, Nakuru Akizuki 2cute4u@guardian.org, Kaho Mizuki priestessofthemoon@darkmagicians.com, Cerberus Beast of the Seal radiantsun6@guardian.org, Meilin Li glompgurl@li_clan.org

Subject: Fwd: Questionnaire thingy-ma-bobbin


Starting Time- 12: 00 - lunch break.

Date- May 5th

Name on Birth Certificate- Kinomoto Touya

Nicknames- Kinomoto Touya, To-ya, and some smart asses at the university call me Beef Man. Has Yuki been spreading rumors. . .?

Age- 20

Birth date- February 29. So, technically, I'm 5 years old.

School- University of Tokyo

Location- Otou-san's house. But currently I'm at the university.

Height- Pretty darn tall.

Shoe Size- Big. . . and you know what they say about men with big feet.

Hair colour- Dark brown, black, or something like that.

Brothers/Sisters- Sakura

Who lives with you- Otou-san, Sakura, and that flying yellow thing. Keroppi or something.

When's your bedtime- Whenever I fall asleep on my mountainous homework.

------RIGHT NOW-------

Wearing- A pirate costume. During lunch break. Don't ask.

Feeling- Uncomfortable. These damn eye-patches are so annoying, and they're messing up my depth perception. I keep on missing the keyboard by a mile and "accidentally" hitting the idiot beside me.

Eating- My sushi and the pudding I managed to salvage from that flying panty hoarder. Speaking of which, Keroppi-thing, stop storing my sister's panties in my room when you're done with them. It's disturbing.

Drinking- Nothing.

Inhaling- Why, nothing, nothing at all. . .

Thinking about- To tell you the truth: Yuki, Yue, pirates, and a whole lot of Jell-o.

Listening to- The idiots around me asking why I'm in a pirate costume. "Hey Beef Man," they say, "What's up with the hat?"

Talking to- The idiots around me. "Hey Shit Faces," I say, "I don't think you really want to know." Then I crack my knuckles, for proper menacing effect. They call me Beef Man, I call them Shit Faces, we have a cute thing going on.

Watching- The idiots back slowly out of the computer lab. One of them just tripped over the toilet paper stuck to his shoe.

-------IN THE LAST 24 HOURS-------

Cried- Yes. "Stuffed Animal," I cried, "get out of Sakura's underwear!" Ha, see, I did a play on words there. Wow, Uni really does teach you something, doesn't it?

Worn a skirt- It's university. I'm supposed to experiment, aren't I?

Met someone new- Yeah, but I didn't like him.

Cleaned your room- No.

Done laundry- Yes, Sakura's. I found a pleasant winged yellow surprise looking through her underwear, too.

Drove a car- Yeah, to Uni.

-------DO YOU BELIEVE IN-------

Yourself- Sure.

Your friends- Yuki, yes. Everyone else, hell no.

Santa- No.

Tooth fairy- No, but from what I've been hearing, she might be real, and looking a lot like Hiiragizawa.

Destiny/fate- In the sense that we're all going to die eventually, yeah. I have such a positive outlook on life.

Angels- Yes! And people, the rumors about certain angels liking pirates are highly exaggerated. Er, please discount the fact that I'm currently in a pirate costume. It has nothing to do with anything. Really.

Ghosts- Yes, yes, oh God, yes.

UFO's- Yeah. Where else did that little Keroppi thing come from?

-------FRIENDS AND LIFE-------

Who have you known the longest of your friends?- Kaho.

Who's the weirdest?- Well, one has an obsession with younger men - EXTREMELY younger men, it would seem. Another has two personalities, two 'forms', which can be kind of confusing at times. Another isn't really my friend, but she - or it - constantly throws herself onto me it so just kind of seems that way. She also has a personality disorder. Another has a very disturbing obsession with my sister. My sister, herself, is too damn happy all the damn time. Which one do you think is the weirdest?

Who do you go to for advice?- Yue, and sometimes Kaho. Jeez, Kaho, you could have a 'Dear Ann' thing going on soon.

Best feeling in the world- Hitting the Li boy across the face with a spatula.

Worst feeling in the world- Watching the one you hold dearest being taken away from you. By the way; I hate you, Li.

Who will respond to this e-mail the fastest?- Sakura, probably, asking me, "What DO they say about men with big feet?". In advance, Sakura, they say: "Damn, that boy has big feet." Everyone else, just smile and nod.

Who will you send this to that won't respond- Yue. I've been pestering him to, but he just "doesn't wanna."

Who sent this to you?- Jeez, everyone and then some. Who the hell is Melvin Li? Well, I sent back this to her anyway.

Finish time- 12:24. Now please excuse me while I go change out of this costume.

Yue, I did it, so now you have to. No excuses.


~*~

From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

To: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com

Subject: Re: Big feet.

Oh yeah? And how, exactly, do you know about guys with big feet?

Original Message:

From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com

To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

Subject: Big feet.

Onii-chan,

In fact, I do know what they say about men with big feet. And it is very true. So, there's no need to be mean and lie to me!

With Luv,

Sakura Kinomoto


~*~

From: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

To: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Big feet.

I'M GONNA KILL ME A LI

Original Message:

From: Sakura Kinomoto cherryblossoms101@pinkness.com

To: Touya Kinomoto peacharrow@hotmail.ja

Subject: Re: Re: Big feet.

Onii-chan,

Syaoran-kun has big feet.

With Luv,

Sakura Kinomoto

~*~

Ha! Didn't see that coming, did ya? Well, it happened, and Touya's going to kill himself a Li! Yee-haa!

And, yes, I stole a joke from the "Fresh Prince of Belair" or whatever it's called. I remember watching it when I was a kid, and I remember not getting it. 'What do they say about men with big feet?' I wondered. ^_^

So, as you can see I took The Five Kings of Death's suggestion for the original messages. That's right, I'm NOT playing the Evil Author and I DO listen to my reviewers! Ha! Wait. . . No one ever doubted me in the first place. . . Could this be the Evil Author's guilt? Nah!

I thank kawaii-cherrychan very much on the information of Japanese schools. You're a lifesaver. Not the little candy, the real deal.

L-chan. . . I, too, understood Nakuru's ramblings. We're like twins! Wheee! Or maybe I'm supposed to understand it because I wrote it. But. . . nah!

Kirjava-chan, next chapter will be ALL questionnaire things, because of your brilliant suggestion. Now you have no say in it! Ha, your destinies are FOREORDAINED! Oh, maybe I am being an Evil Author. Either that or I'm becoming too obsessed with X. (I love Fuuma I love Seishirou and I want both in a BIG POOL OF JELL-O)

TamChronin - I will make Ruby Moon's Outbox. It will be a challenge, but it sounds fun ^_^

Well, my friends, I'll try and get the next chapter out sooner. I was really just adjusting to school life again. It's haaard! And, one last note: in a review, when you make the smiley _ it seems to cut off at _ !! It's really weird! Please tell me someone else has noticed this, and I'm not going crazy.

Voices: You already are crazy, Odd World. You already are.

Damn, I knew that. Leave this poor crazy gal a review, okay? I want to know what you thought of this whole mess. Toodles.