Chapter summary:

"You're totally a hermit."

"I'm talking to you, therefore I cannot be a hermit."

"So you're a social hermit. Interesting."

Dean : Cas

Thursday 25th January

(Thursday 10:21am)

I feel obligated to inform you, that I am not entirely comfortable with this.

(Thursday 10:30am)

Dude, all you did was buy a new phone. Don't be a girl about something as simple as buying a new phone.

(Thursday 10:33am)

You know that I am a male. The process of buying a phone is far more complicated than I had previously anticipated.

(Thursday 10:37am)

Whatever man, you're the idiot who decided to run over your phone... AGAIN. Seriously though, if you forget the pie again, I'm going to beat you.

(Thursday 10:39am)

Again? No, this is my first phone. I did not know that pie was required.

(Thursday 10:40am)

I need pie, not cake. If you bring me salad, I will put your head on a spike and hand-deliver it to Becky.

(Thursday 10:45)

Who is Becky? I don't think any action of mine is worthy enough to merit decapitation, especially over something as trivial as bringing you adequate nutrition instead of something that will only raise your cholesterol. I've made my opinion on your dietary standards very clear.

(Thursday 10:55am)

Look, Sammy. I'm not going to get into another argument while I'm this hung-over, especially about your rabbit food. This isn't your first phone, get my pie, get some aspirin, and get home NOW or I'm never letting you drink again. Becky is your crazy stalker ex. Are you still drunk?

(Thursday 11:11am)

Oh. I apologize. I seem to have the wrong number.

(Thursday 11:14am)

Wait, so this isn't Sam?

(Thursday 11:17am)

I believe I just said that, yes.

(Thursday 11:22am)

Oh, sorry for yelling at you then. My brother is known for being a pompous douche when he texts.

(Thursday 11:29am)

You assumed that I was your brother because I texted you with the same mannerisms as "a pompous douche"? That was extremely presumptuous of you.

(Thursday 11:31am)

Wow. You're as much of a dick as I am.

(Thursday 11:38am)

That came out wrong. I apologize. I meant no offense. I was just pointing out that you should choose your words more carefully when sending someone a text message.

(Thursday 11:42am)

Whatever dude. I have a headache, so I don't really care.

(Thursday 11:50am)

I'm sorry, is there a reason this conversation is continuing? I assumed that it would cease after the mistake was realized.

(Thursday 11:51am)

You apologize a lot.

(Thursday 11:53am)

I'm sorry?

(Thursday 11:54am)

Ha. Ha.

(Thursday 11:59am)

That wasn't meant to be funny.

(Thursday 12:02pm)

I'm beginning to get that now.

(Thursday 12:12pm)

Should I just stop messaging? Is that how it works?

(Thursday 12:15pm)

Wow. I thought you were kidding about this being your first phone.

(Thursday 12:17pm)

Why would I kid about that?

(Thursday 12:22pm)

Do you even have a funny bone?

(Thursday 12:45pm)

Of course I do. Everyone does.

(Thursday 12:49pm)

Are you serious right now, or is it my hangover?

(Thursday 12:52pm)

Are hangovers actually that bad?

(Thursday 1:02pm)

Ok, how old are you? First phone, and you've never had a hangover. You must be a kid but you text like the freaking Queen of England.

(Thursday 1:06pm)

I am of legal age. I don't feel comfortable giving out more information than that to a complete stranger.

(Thursday 1:08pm)

I am not a serial killer. Scouts honor.

(Thursday 1:12pm)

I never implied that you were. Only that you are a complete stranger, whom I know nothing about. So you could see why I'd be disinclined to share personal information with you. It's nothing personal.

(Thursday 1:17pm)

I get it. But you're gonna need to dumb down your words there a bit. Guy with a hangover on this end.

(Thursday 1:20pm)

I apologize. I only meant that I'm hesitant to continue talking to someone that I don't know anything about. Or why you would even want to continue talking to me.

(Thursday 1:23pm)

Headache. Boredom. This is the best distraction I've had since I ran out of beer.

(Thursday 1:30pm)

You consider me to be a good form of entertainment? I can assure you that I'm not at all interesting. Your quest for amusement would be better suited elsewhere.

(Thursday 1:34pm)

Agree to disagree. How much about me would you need to know before you tell me your age?

(Thursday 1:40pm)

It would be impolite of me to ask you such personal questions.

(Thursday 1:49pm)

I henceforth giveth you consent to asketh me doth personal questions. Begin, forsooth.

(Thursday 1:55pm)

Have you become sober? Or are you just making fun of the way I speak? I think that counts as a personal question.

(Thursday 1:57pm)

I'm very much making fun of the way you speak. Or text. Do you talk this way too?

(Thursday 1:59pm)

I prefer to speak very eloquently, I feel like I can better express myself that way.

(Thursday 2:03pm)

Whatever floats your boat, I guess. Don't make me pull out the 20 questions schtick. A bored Dean is not one to mess with.

(Thursday 2:09pm)

So your name is Dean? My name is Castiel. 20 questions? Is that a common way for people to become better acquainted with each other?

(Thursday 2:11pm)

Okay, wait. Back up. Reverse. Pause. Your name is CASTIEL? You're not just pulling my leg?

(Thursday 2:20pm)

Yes, my name is Castiel. Why would I pull your leg? I fail to see the reasoning behind doing that.

(Thursday 2:21pm)

Do you live under a rock? That is a completely serious question, FYI.

(Thursday 2:29pm)

I live under several rocks that a stone mason deliberately placed, in order to construct a house that was architecturally pleasing. Does that count?

(Thursday 2:34pm)

I, honest-to-God, CANNOT tell if you are a hermit, or if you have the strangest sense of humor ever.

(Thursday 2:45pm)

It's funnier in Enochian. I can assure you that I am in no way a hermit or a recluse. I simply prefer to state the obvious. Do you find my sense of humor amusing in some way? That's the only explanation I can think of, as to why you are continuing this conversation.

(Thursday 2:50pm)

The crap is "Enochian"?

(Thursday 2:58pm)

It is one of the languages that I studied whilst I attended the University.

(Thursday 3:00pm)

You're totally a hermit.

(Thursday 3:07pm)

By definition a hermit is someone who lives a solitary existence. I'm talking to you, therefore I cannot be a hermit.

(Thursday 3:09pm)

So you're a social hermit. Interesting.

(Thursday 3:20pm)

As much as I am enjoying defending my lack of social skills, I'm afraid this conversation must come to an end. I have other things to do today, and this is extremely distracting.

(Thursday 3:22pm)

Alright. I can take a hint. Go have fun hugging trees and eating berries.

(Thursday 4:30pm)


(Thursday 5:04pm)


Friday 26th January

(Friday 2:23pm)

Can I call you Cas?

(Friday 2:35pm)


(Friday 2:37pm)

Hello hermit.

(Friday 2:40pm)

Hello Dean. Is there something I can help you with?

(Friday 2:42pm)

Yup. Can I call you Cas?

(Friday 2:45pm)

Do you intend on having further contact with me?

(Friday 2:50pm)

I dunno yet. You seem pretty cool. But I figured I should at least say sorry about texting with a hangover. It was my birthday the day before.

(Friday 2:57pm)

I suppose it would be customary for me to wish you Happy Birthday then. No apologies are necessary. If you recall, I was the one who initiated our conversation.

(Friday 3:01pm)

Well thanks. Guess how old I am now. 5 bucks says you guess wrong.

(Friday 3:02pm)

You are 22 years old.

(Friday 3:04pm)

. . . Lucky guess.

(Friday 3:15pm)

It wasn't luck. Based on the fact that you were drinking, I am going to assume that you are over the legal age of 21, however you are inexperienced enough that your drinking resulted in alcohol poisoning, probably the result of mixing too many types of liquor. Possibly because you had never tried most of them before. But you are familiar enough with alcohol that you know what a hangover feels like. So I would say that you've been drinking for several years, but you have been legally purchasing alcohol for about a year now. Therefore you would be 22 years old.

(Friday 3:19pm)

Dear Lord. I'm texting the modern day Sherlock Holmes.

(Friday 3:20pm)

I don't live in London, my surname isn't Holmes, and I don't know anybody with the surname of Watson.

(Friday 3:20pm)


(Friday 3:21pm)

I don't know any Emma's either...

(Friday 3:21pm)


(Friday 3:22pm)

Is she important somehow? A political figure perhaps?

(Friday 3:24pm)

You are never going to convince me that you're not a hermit. Sam is in love with that actress.

(Friday 3:24pm)

Sam is your brother, correct? The one whom you insist is in need of decapitation?

(Friday 3:25pm)

Hey. That was a matter of pie and death. And I never got it anyway.

(Friday 3:26pm)

You prefer pie over cake? That's an unusual quality.

(Friday 3:27pm)

If I could punch you through the phone for speaking such blasphemy, I would. You're just like Sam.

(Friday 3:29pm)

Seeing as how you mistaking me for Sam, is what started this conversation, I choose to view that as a positive statement.

(Friday 3:29pm)

Yeah well, you thought I was someone, too.

(Friday 3:32pm)

Yes, I was under the impression that I was texting my friend Balthazar.

(Friday 3:34pm)

I've got it now. You're a part of a cult. You all have these weird names and dislike of. . .Emmas.

(Friday 3:37pm)

Balthazar and I do not belong to any form of cult. Our parents were very religious and believed that if they named us after angels, that we would always have special protection of some form. I do not dislike any Emmas, I simply do not know any.

(Friday 3:37pm)

Why am I telling you this? You have no desire to hear about these things. I apologize for over-familiarizing myself with you.

(Friday 3:39pm)

My mom used to tell me that angels would watch over me.

(Friday 3:39pm)

There. Now we've both had a TMI moment.

(Friday 3:41)

So, you wish to continue exchanging personal information?

(Friday 3:42pm)

It sounds creepy when you put it that way.

(Friday 3:43pm)

Apologies, my "people skills" are "rusty".

(Friday 3:44pm)

I can "tell". Do you get "out much"?

(Friday 3:48pm)

Yes, actually. I rather enjoy nature and being outdoors.

(Friday 3:50pm)

You're setting yourself up for hermit jokes on purpose, aren't you?

(Friday 3:52pm)

Is there any way I can convince you that I'm not, in fact, a hermit?

(Friday 3:52pm)


(Friday 3:55pm)

What must I do?

(Friday 3:56pm)

Nah, you won't do it.

(Friday 3:57pm)

You do not know that.

(Friday 4:02pm)

Alright. Here's what you gotta do: Go to a grocery store. Stand in the parking lot. In your underwear. And start yodeling. Then you will convince me.

(Friday 4:09pm)

Is that how you spend all of your free time? I think participating in that, would definitely hinder me forming new friendships.

(Friday 4:09pm)

I dunno. I'd probably befriend the yodeling naked guy.

(Friday 4:11pm)

Is that how you normally make new friends?

(Friday 4:12pm)

No, normally I make friends with strangers who accidentally text me. Much easier that way.

(Friday 4:13pm)

So, you do this often?

(Friday 4:14pm)

Not often enough, apparently.

(Friday 4:17pm)

I feel it is necessary to inform you that I have never done this before.

(Friday 4:18pm)

Done what? Texted someone? Talked to someone? Had human interaction?

(Friday 4:20pm)

You were the first person I texted. and that was by mistake. I have several friends.

(Friday 4:21pm)

You don't seem like the type that makes friends easily.

(Friday 4:35pm)

Based on what I know of you, your personal skills seem to be fairly limited as well.

(Friday 4:35pm)

What the hell does that mean?

(Friday 4:37pm)

I meant no offense. You have just spent a very large amount of time talking to someone who accidentally texted you. I can't help but wonder why.

(Friday 4:39pm)

Hey, if you're not okay with it, I'll stop. But you should realize that you keep replying to a random guy who you accidentally texted.

(Friday 4:45pm)

I am fully aware of my actions. I lack certain social graces, and don't really have anybody else that I enjoy talking to. I am still unsure as to your motivations for replying to me. Don't you have someone that you enjoy talking to, your brother perhaps? Or are you two not that friendly?

(Friday 4:47pm)

Dude. Sounds lonely. I mean, I have a few really good friends, but mainly it's just me and my brother, even then I wish I was closer to him. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

(Friday 4:47pm)

Would you consider this to be a win?

(Friday 4:49pm)

Haven't decided yet. It doesn't feel like a loss, though.

(Friday 4:50pm)

Do you enjoy talking to me?

(Friday 4:51pm)

Sort of, yeah. What about you?

(Friday 4:54pm)

If we're being honest, It's been very enjoyable for me as well.

(Friday 4:56pm)

Weird. I don't even think we have anything in common. Do you have any siblings, maybe?

(Friday 4:57pm)

In a way. Do you work? Or go to school?

(Friday 4:59pm)

I'm at a community college. Working part-time. You?

(Friday 5:01pm)

Just finishing up my Doctorate.

(Friday 5:02pm)

Holy crap. Are you OLD?

(Friday 5:03pm)

No, I'm 22 as well.

(Friday 5:05pm)

Well that works out nicely. Congrats on being a genius, though.

(Friday 5:05pm)

I do not consider myself a genius, but thank you. What do you do for work?

(Friday 5:09pm)

The real geniuses never do. Well, I'm a mechanic. Nothing too special

(Friday 5:10pm)

If you enjoy what you do, It is definitely special

(Friday 5:12pm)

Yeah, okay Yoda.

(Friday 5:17pm)

My name is Castiel, not Yoda.

(Friday 5:18pm)

Don't tell me you've never seen Star Wars. . .

(Friday 5:20pm)

I'm not familiar with that term... Is it a film or something?

(Friday 5:25pm)

I have this strong urge to kidnap you and force you to watch actual TV.

(Friday 5:27pm)

That would be rather difficult seeing as you don't even know what I look like.

(Friday 5:28pm)

True. But how many Castiel's can there be on facebook?

(Friday 5:30pm)

I do not have a 'facebook'.

(Friday 5:30pm)


(Friday 5:32pm)

Should I get one? I do not know very many people.

(Friday 5:33pm)

Up to you. Sam would probably have a conniption if he ever saw how awful you are with technology.

(Friday 5:34pm)

How old is Sam?

(Friday 5:36pm)

Almost 18. The guy is going places, let me tell you.

(Friday 5:37pm)

He is underage, but you are allowing him to drink alcohol?

(Friday 5:42pm)

What about it? He can hold his liquor.

(Friday 5:43pm)

That is not the point I was trying to make...

(Friday 5:44pm)

And what point WERE you trying to make?

(Friday 5:49pm)

Only that you seem to care about him immensely, but you are willing to jeopardize his entire future? That seems kind of irresponsible.

(Friday 5:50pm)

I'm not "jeopardizing" anything. It's just a freaking beer or two. Don't lecture me. God.

(Friday 5:53pm)

If he were to get caught, he could be in serious trouble. Especially if you allowed him to drive hungover.

(Friday 5:55pm)

He's fine. We're fine. Now butt out, you are not our dad.

(Friday 5:58pm)

Your actions can have unforeseen consequences. Your father should know better than to allow a minor to drink.

(Friday 6:07pm)

Yeah, well he ain't exactly "father of the year". Now shut up.