A/N: Hey guys long time no see. You will have to excuse this chapter it's not edited. Hopefully soon it will be. Sorry it has taken forever for me to get this chapter out. Forgive me? Love you guys and cannot wait to hear your lovely thoughts.
Jasper leads the way back to the house and I hang back a little. There is nothing in me that wants to go back to that place that harbors the people from my past. I use to think about how I would react when I came face to face to the family that deserted me, I didn't think it would end up with me attacking the women. I won't apologize because I don't regret it, it's just the fact that someone else scent was on Jasper besides mines it sent me over the edge. Not even Char's scent has been on him in the past couple of days.
The brick mansion comes into view as we break through the final trees. I suck in a huge breath tasting the air before walking beside Jasper. He knows that I don't want to be here, that I cannot decipher my feelings for the people inside that I once thought of as my family. Even if he cannot see it, this short visit just got a whole lot longer.
The inside of the house is just as expensively decorated as the outside. I wrinkle my nose at the statue by the door done in gold. That is just plain tasteless. Jasper chuckles at my reaction before urging me on. I roll my eyes at his antics, I could hear them before we step foot in the house. I just don't want to deal with a bunch of stuck up holier than thou attitudes. As they have seen I am not exactly stable. I lick my lips as we come into the room. Just as expected the conversation stops.
My eyes roam over the occupants before my eyes fall on Peter. He has pained look on his face that tickles me silly. Char is gazing at him with a look that can only be described as confusion. Peter tries to toss an arm around her shoulders only for her dodge out place. Watching their interaction causes me to bend over in laughter.
"What's funny, honey bun?"
I shoot Jasper a dark look at the nickname. "Stop with the names! Just because your southern doesn't mean you have to call me everything that's sweet. Ask Peter what's funny."
Jasper shoots me a irritated look before looking at his second in command. I don't know what's funnier, the look on Jasper face or the fact that he is projecting everything that he is feeling. Jasper tries to open his mouth but fails to speak every single time. This only increases the hilarity of the situation.
"What the fuck are you wearing?" Jasper command tossing a worried look at Peter.
Peter sighs in defeat but Char answers. "The better question is why in the fuck has he spent all this time with me when secretly he fantasizes about being a woman!"
"Now baby you know that's not true. I love tits!" Peter exclaims.
"Oh, I can see that you do! Do wish you had those too!" Char tosses at him before getting to her feet. Peter lays a desperate hand on her arm only for her to smack it away.
"Baby I kn-"
"Peter do you wish to be a girl?" Jasper interrupts look three different types of worried right now.
Peter cast Jasper a hopeful look. "Jasper, you know me. You know that I would never. Oh god I can't believe this is happening."
"Peter, this isn't the right time but I just want you to know that this doesn't change anything. Seriously just because you want to be a woman it doesn't erase everything we've been through."
I let out a bark of laughter. "Yeah, Patricia I am behind you one hundred percent!"
Peter cast me a dark look and I have the urge to either fight or to run. But the way that Peter is feeling I highly doubt I would win. I mean look at all the experience he has and then how old I am. He would pummel me.
"How can you people think this is right? God looks down on this," Carlisle exclaims with a expression of disgust on his arrogant face.
I take a deep breath before talking. "Whether he chooses to be a woman or a man its not our decision to say its wrong. And the last time I check we are considered damned therefore I don't think the rules apply to us."
"Bella I get that you have been under their care but remember who you were. You would never have condone this." He splays his hands out on the table.
"Okay, first lets get something straight. My name is Isa Whitlock not Isabella Swan! And secondly I know who I was and just so you know I wasn't homophobic everyone has the right to happiness. And thirdly the girl you knew died so get the fuck over yourself or the next time I won't take the time to talk. Next time you will find yourself missing your damn throat."
Jasper sends me a jolt of pride just as Peter stands up. "While that whole interaction was touching can we get back to the main point. I do not want to be a woman!"
"It's okay Peter, I know you are kind of stuck in a mans body considering you are in fact dead and a vampire but it only matters what's on the inside." I assure him with a smirk on my face.
"Uh, Isa I think you have lost the piece of sane mind that you have left if you think for a millisecond that I am sleeping with someone who wants to be like me!" Char screams as she stomps her foot in frustration.
"She doesn't mean that Peter she is just angry." Peter glares at me the angry pouring off of him in waves.
"I am going to kill YOU!" He screams before launching himself at me and I duck behind a pissed off looking Jasper.
Jasper catches him by the throat before slamming him to the ground. I glance between the two slightly worried but then he lets Peter up. Peter brushes himself off before tossing me a look that speaks a thousand words.
"Isa, you better tell them right now or I am spilling what happened in Toronto." I wince and shuffle my feet knowing that the fun is over.
"Peter doesn't want to be a woman. It was dare he had to do because I had a clean hunt." I mutter knowing everyone can hear me. I avoid Jasper penetrating gaze not wanting our slightly happy past couple of hours to be ruined.
Jasper pulls me into his arms successfully crushing me to his chest. "Oh what am I going to do with you? You're just as bad if not worse than Peter."
"Don't compare me to that demon! I almost lost my right to get laid to my very smoking sexy wife because of her. Excuse me while I go take off this outfit."
"NO! Remember we're supposed to take pictures!" I exclaim digging the very slim overpriced digital camera out of my pocket and tossing it at the nearest vampire. "Take our picture!"
Peter cast me a glare as pull Jasper over to him. We line up against the window that overlooks the scenery in the backyard. Jasper tosses his arm around me. I breath deeply before wrapping my other arm around Peter who looks down in shock considering this is the first time that I have touched him outright. Rose stands and tells us to smile. When the flash goes off we break apart.
"Now just me and you Peter." I smile wrapping my arms around him.
"I am going to make you regret this in the best dare possible!" He whispers causing me to laugh just as the camera goes off.
Peter walks away with a confident swagger that has me mentally gagging. While Peter is completely hilarious I know he will make good on his words. He isn't one to make idle threats. Keeping everyone in my line of sight I slink over to Jasper who is watching the room with an arrogance that only he can allude. He smiles gently as snuggle into his side. This should be weird but its not its natural, as if I have been waiting on this moment forever.
"Ahem, I believe we are supposed to resume our previous conversation." Esme inserts a look of pain still etched on her face even though I only nip at her once. She hasn't really done anything to deserve me to leave a mark on her skin. I know what it feels like to be marked for no reason.
"Yeah, Isa, the reason I was coming before I bump into you guys." Jasper doesn't hide his dissatisfaction with their visitation. "Nothing is wrong with Isa."
"Really? Because the last time we left her she was human and healthy." Carlisle retorts his eyebrows mashing together. I am starting to get very annoyed with him. Or am I just naturally annoyed with 'dominate' males?
"You have no idea the state I was in when you guys left. You don't have the right to sit there and pass judgment on Jasper when he did what you did not. I was human who knew of vampires, doesn't that spell disaster? Did you think if you walked away it would be o fucking k?" I snarl starting to feel really violent.
"Oh honey, Edward assured us when he left you that night you were taking it well." Esme looks so sincerce it makes me want to murder Edward in the worse way possible.
"Edward? Edward! Edward did nothing. He didn't tell me you were gone. He didn't come to room. He did nothing but pretend like everything was all fine and dandy. I wasn't fine! Even if you look at it from your perceptive I wouldn't be fine. How does one take a break up well when they thought they had all of eternity with someone? Tell me! No you knew that I couldn't be fine. But it was the only way you could live with yourself if you deluded yourself into thinking that lie."
"Bella how can you say those things about Edward? You love him!"
"Bella is DEAD!" I scream the rage pouring off of me in waves overpowering the easy calm Jasper is seeping into the room. "Fuck Edward! I feel something for Edward and I promise you the exact opposite of love."
My whole body is trembling and I want to fight. I want to tear something apart anything to erase the self loathing I feel. They had to bring him up. I was doing so well with coming to terms with him. Its part of the reason I didn't want to see them so soon. I knew it was going to end badly for me. And I wanted to do so well. A part of me thought that I could love myself soon and give Jasper and I a shot. But who am I kidding? I couldn't even keep dipshit what chance do I have of holding someone like Jasper. He isn't perfect not by a long shot but I know once I sorted through my drama and he did the same we would fit.
"Suga, I need for you to calm down so I can touch you." Jasper whispers.
"You can touch me. I always need you too." He wraps his strong arms around my body and hold me to his chest.
"C'mon Peter and Char." He commands as he stalks from the room with my frozen body in his arms locked in that dark cold corner in my mind.
Jasper settles us down in a room. Which room, I have no idea. I wish that we could go. We should all just cut our losses and flee. But even in the short while I have known them I know that they don't flee. Whitlocks do not flee from anything no matter what. Even if the Cullens are a major thorn in my side I won't give them this victory over me.
"Sweetheart, I need for you to calm down," Jasper rubs my leg as he settles his chin the space where my neck meets my shoulder.
My eyes flicker up towards where Peter and Char remain. I cannot see it but I can feel it. The iciness of my mind has seeped out to cover the area around Jasper and I. This is preventing Peter and Char from getting any closer. I try to force the wall back in but it doesn't move, it gets colder. Char hisses and takes a step back, automatically sending me an apologetic smile. Its not her fault I am weird.
"Jasper, I can't control my beast." I tell him burning with shame.
"There is no beast, only you Isa."
I gasp. "What?"
"There is no beast. That thing you feel inside of you is your animistic side. The predator part of you. You cannot separate the two until you are able to realize that they are both part of a whole. When you gain control of yourself, only then can you give that side of you a label. But for now its you. Its all you. You cannot control yourself."
"How am I supposed to do that? Huh? Jasper I can barely concentrate, everything captures my attention. Even now its a fight to talk instead of going to see whats sparkling in the corner. How can I gain control when I cannot even focus?" I scream in frustration.
"Then we figure out what focuses you." Char says laying her hand on my other leg. I glance up and see Peter sitting close to me. I let them in. A feeling of joy runs through me, Jasper takes the initiative to let it flow in the room.
"Fighting." Everyone looks to Peter who has a nonchalant look on his face. "What? Its obvious. Isa is a natural predator not because she is a vampire but because she has been shaped into that. She has been hunted and preyed on because the world viewed her as weak. She isn't weak, she hates that feeling. She always needed protecting but deep down she always wanted to be the one protecting. As a vampire she can do that. When she is fighting, she is in control. Isa isn't a normal newborn. A normal newborn wouldn't have been able to trek across a continent without leave massive destruction. But Isa? All she need was to sate her hunger and she was fine. Isa is a predator that wants to protect. Harness that feeling and she gains control."
Its true all I want is to protect. Jasper mainly but Peter and Char. My coven but most importantly my family is my anchor. But right now I want blood. The Cullens are not helping with being so close but its a necessary evil. When Jasper has what he wants then we can leave. But until then I will keep my distance.
"Okay. Fight. Protect. Gotcha." I nod my head and jump to my feet. "But Peter can we just fight now? I really wanna tear into something."
Jasper is reluctant to release me to Peter, only when I remind him that it has been Peter that has coach me does he release the grip. Peter and I hop out of the window and land on the ground. Who needs stairs when you are a vampire? Peter pulls himself up to his full height to intimidate me but I am no scared. I smirk at him and keep my distance.
"No biting." He reminds.
"I know." And then he is airborne.
It takes two days. For two days I went up against Peter and sometimes Jasper. For two days I got my ass handed to me. Sometimes I could feel the Cullen's eyes on me, watching the show with distaste. To be honest I don't care about their views anymore. My body slows eventually when I tired my angry side out.
"You finished, skittles?"
Jasper laughs when I flick him off. "Stop with the names!"
Char is seated in the living room. I can tell she is very tense just by looking at her shoulders. Casually I lean against the arch with concealed amusement. One of the sisters, I know for a fact isn't Tanya, is talking Char head off. Char is a beautiful vampire but she is a warrior above all. So Char cannot explain to the sister-Irina-why it wouldn't be acceptable to wear heels to a fight.
"Having fun?" I say. Char head whips around so fast its comical.
I wave at Irina who is observing with cautious eyes. Char takes my arm completely at ease, I guess she realize I won't tear off a limb even though the feel of someone touching is new. Unlike some of the very annoying females in the house she doesn't talk my head off. We come to a bedroom, that I assume is hers by smell alone. She throws herself on the huge bed before shooting me a death glare.
"You left me with those women!" She accuse.
I hold my hands up in defense. "Whoa, Nellie. You choose to go into the house."
"Contrary to popular belief I don't get turned on by mock fights that easily." I can tell something is bothering her.
I settle onto the bed and look at her. "What's wrong?"
"I couldn't watch you fight the guys because I couldn't handle it. We haven't had newborns since the war. And even among the ones I was raised with you are...savage." I gasp and she looks at me apologetically. "No! I don't mean it in a bad way. Your fighting style is not erratic. As newborn we initially try to win the fight with strength alone. But you fight with the intent of pain. You might not realize it and the guys are too far up their asses that they don't notice."
I force a smile as she closes her mouth. "Good thing I suck."
"But you don't!"
"Um, Char, I got my ass handed to me every single time I fought the guys."
Char shakes her head. "Isa, you are good. Like scary good. Of course you wouldn't beat Peter let alone Jasper. You've only been training for a couple of days. But you touch them. You get hits in. I was one of their best fighters, ever. Do you want to know how long it took before I was able to even get a hit it? Seven months. And to make matters worse they being hard on you."
"Are you jealous?"
"No, it's just you remind me of something."
"Someone." I correct feeling sour. "Maria."
"You're not her. I know that but watching you fight, I admit it scares me."