A/N: Oh…so you weren't expecting this one were you? *evil laugh* I hope you enjoy this final…final…FINAL…unnecessary epilogue. At first I was planning on making a third installment of my 'Dangerously In Love' series, and to be honest, I am not sure if I ruled it out quite yet, but here is a small one-shot/epilogue to Radioactive. Thanks for enjoying my dark, twisted, fantasies.
Chapter theme song: 'Wrecking Ball' by: Miley Cyrus
April stroked my hair, silently cooing as she fell deeper into her slumber. I closed my eyes, trying my best to join her. I was unsure what I was doing in her bed again this time of night, months since the last time we seen each other. I was scheduled to leave back for school next week after an interesting and highly emotional summer. Between my issues with Angelica, the episode with April, and going to jail after fighting my best friend once I heard he had physically assaulted my sister, I was ready to escape to back to the small town in Connecticut and drown my misery in tiny font printed on college-ruled paper. I was itching to get my butt back inside a cool, air-conditioned classroom and out of this sweltering heat that was unusual for late August Michigan.
April did not want me to go back so soon, seeing as how we barely spent any time together all summer, but I did assure her I would come up frequently to visit and would fly her out to see me from time to time whenever my schedule allowed some free time and company. She and I were planning on working things out with our relationship; me taking my father's advice and finally contacting Dr. Lyles for a couple's therapy session with April as well as my bi-monthly appointments with him solo. He agreed that he had no problem video chatting via internet to make up for the distance so I would not have to find help elsewhere. I felt reassured by that; he going out of his way to make me feel comfortable in an arena I knew nothing about. In my mind, I knew I was not even remotely crazy, but I recently had learned that you don't need to be crazy in order to start losing your sanity.
I wrapped a single arm around April, bringing her nude body closer to mine. I stroked her thick, raven curls delicately, smiling as I kissed her forehead. We were taking baby steps in the direction of attempting to salvage our relationship. She had sent me this extremely long text messaging saying how much she loved me and how sorry she was for her adulterous ways that not only moved me to tears but clutched my soul. I genuinely know April loves me, I really do, but I found it most challenging to learn to trust her again. I always find myself looking at her phone whenever a text message comes through, glancing at the caller ID when a calls comes through, and even checking her mailbox from time to time whenever I come over. It's not healthy to obsess over your lover's intentions twenty four seven; nor is it healthy to intentionally start arguments and pick fights just to un-bandage old wounds to prove how much pain that person has caused.
April understands why I am hurting but I can tell it is slowly wearing her down. She knows she messed up, big time, when it comes to regaining my trust; but she also refuses to allow me to emotionally abuse her or bring up the past when we have been making quality strides towards the future. That's why I had to seek Dr. Lyles' help immediately in fear of losing my sanity from harboring so much anger and frustration. Part of me wants to move on with April and start anew but the other part still clings onto the infidelity and deceit that caused me to catalyze love into hate so quickly. During therapy sessions she holds me hands, dabbing her eyes with wads of tissue every now and again when things become too emotionally stirring. She talks a lot about how she did not know her father and how she was so used to getting hurt by the wrong type of men that she did not know what to do when she found a good one. I didn't have a sob story like hers however. I had one word: Angelica.
Looking to see if she was asleep, I gently maneuvered my way out of the double bed she and I shared. Since we were out so late seeing the latest Marvel movie and it began storming, I decided to put us in a hotel for the evening to wait out the storm and allow us to have some alone time. My folks rarely went out and when they did, I was always with the gang doing something random and spontaneous to pass the time. April's home was certainly off limits due to her strict mother and her no nonsense policy about bringing guests home of the opposite sex.
When I saw April was fast asleep, I carefully put back on my sweat pants; grabbing my t shirt and cell phone to head towards the balcony of the hotel. I needed some air, needing to clear my mind from all these rushing thoughts that deprived me of sleep. I outlined the keypad on my phone, tracing her number I knew all too well. Lately, I have been having more of an urge to call her. I saw her at the bowling alley last week with Harold; her arms looped within his as they happily walked to get some snacks for the convenience counter. She looked a little different. She cut her hair into a cute bob with bangs, replaced her rectangular reading glasses with chic oval shaped ones, wore less makeup that enhanced her profound beauty, but most strikingly…she was smiling. She genuinely was smiling.
I called out to Harold, he looking over with a fake grin before giving me a weak wave. Angelica saw me next, her smile turning into a playful scowl as she flipped me off. That's when Tommy had finally told me Angelica has retrograde amnesia and did not remember anything about our relationship. She remembered me personally and all the torment she put me through as a child but the candle light dinners, scrabble game nights, passionate make out sessions, afternoons of ditching class for horrible 80's movies, cuddling on the beach, long nights we spent making love…now all gone and not even a distant memory. She remembered nothing…only that I was once some brace-faced kid that used to annoy her in the hallways of our middle-school.
At first I was dumbfounded and unsure of what to say; but then as I finally had the opportunity to process everything…I realized that it hurt like hell that she did not remember me. I felt horrible that the last time we saw each other I had pushed her into a neighboring car and drove off in a panic. I was so angry that she had sex with Harold, even though we weren't even together; I took out my frustrations on her when she was technically a single woman and could sleep with whomever she desired. But part of me felt betrayed that she could spread her legs and give herself so easily to another man after the years we spent together. As much as it pained me to say it aloud, I knew just as well as everyone around me that I was hopelessly in love with Angelica Pickles and no matter what I said or did, my heart would forever ache the longer we remained at bay.
I finally dialed her number from memory, placing the phone on speaker as it ominously rang until she answered. She spoke, her voice sounding harmonious even when it was clearly agitated that I was not saying anything on the opposite end of the line. I opened my mouth to speak, closing it just as quickly when I heard the line go dead. My mouth fell dry, my numb fingers redialing the same number again.
This time it went to voicemail and I ended the call swiftly. She was married now and I had no business calling a married woman at such an indecent hour; let alone unsure of what I was particularly calling for. I had no idea what I would say if and when she and I ever had another normal conversation. I haven't seen her since the bowling alley and every time I drive by her home, she is always with..him…loading boxes of her things into his car to head towards Chicago. From what Tommy told me, he and Angelica were planning to permanently move there within the next few weeks. Harold passed the bar and was an intern at some hot shot law firm while Angelica was enrolled in a paralegal program. Things seemed to be going so well for her that I became somewhat envious that things managed to fall into place so easily for her.
I was still unmoved within the past, slowly coming to terms with my transgressions and anger issues while attempting to pick up the pieces of what is left of my soul. Yet, I can't help but notice that I can never truly go back to the old me and part of me doesn't want to anyway. I am stronger, smarter, and faster than I was just a few months ago with the help of Dr. Lyles and the gentle healing of time; but something was missing and I was desperately trying to find out what.
Rushing a quick hand through my unruly hair, I grabbed my sneakers, a light jacket, and my car keys to take a quick drive to the local general store. I could barely sleep and needed something to help me sleep. I figured a few sleeping pills or a light bottle of wine and some chips would do the trick. Alcohol always got me sleepy. I drove a quick ten minutes down the main road into the parking lot of the general store. Traffic was rather light with it being so late and the clubs being in full swing tonight. I even heard there was a rock concert close by that a lot of college students would attend; me rushing into the store to hurry and check out to beat the late night drunken crowds of uncontrollable teenagers.
I scanned the wine aisle, looking for something good yet economical before I saw her. She was dressed in a figure flattering black dress with red pumps; her hair curled as it gracefully draped down her back, a few curls kissing her full breasts, as she grabbed an iced-tea and a bottle of water. I smiled, waving as I called out her name.
"Hey Chuckie." She smiled.
"Hey Suzie, how are you?" I paused, scanning her again. "You look nice."
She blushed. "Thanks. What are you doing out so late?"
I shrugged, showing her my arbitrary choice in wine. "Can't sleep." I paused again, looking at the redness and puffiness of her eyes. She looked like she had been crying. "You alright, Suzie?"
She nodded. "Of course, what makes you say that?"
"You look like you have been crying."
She grew silent for a moment, quickly recovering. "I assure you, I am fine." She cleared her throat. "I just came back from a date is all."
"How'd that go?"
She grew silent again, shuffling her tea and water nervously. I immediately regretted the question and was ready to retract it but then she answered. "He didn't show…"
"What do you mean?"
"Meaning I got stood up, Chuckie."
"Oh." I didn't know what to say to that. Suzie is and has always been a very attractive, articulate woman that any man would be lucky to have and to hold. I remember briefly back in pre-school, Suzie had a crush on Timothy McNulty and I had a momentary crush on Suzie. She had made him a valentine and I had wanted to make her one but it was just a little too obvious. "I'm sorry, Suzie."
She shrugged. "His loss, not mine." She finally looked at me. "Well, I better check out so I can get on the last train before it stops running until early morning."
"You took public transit to see this guy and he had the audacity to not show?!" I felt myself grow angry, unsure why. She lowered her head again, nodding. "Such a douche."
"Tell me about it." She spoke, sighing. She moved one of the few, stray curls out of her face and behind her ear. "I even wore heels for the jerk."
"You do look beautiful, Suzie."
"Thank you, Chuckie."
There was another spell of silence, our gazes locked onto each others as we both sought for the right words to say to end this awkward moment. I kept forcing myself to not look at Suzie…erotically. I had always seen her pretty covered up and modest looking- never with anything that showed her voluptuous thighs, curvaceous backside and mocha caramel skin while enhancing all her feminine traits. Hell, the only dress I have ever seen Suzie really in was that God-awful yellow and purple one she wore as a kid; but Suzie was certainly no longer that little girl I ran to whenever Angelica terrorized to the point of contemplating thoughts of tantrum. Suzie was a woman now that I never really noticed until recently. With April and I trying to fix things within our relationship, I began to spend more time around Suzie.
At first, I found myself looking forward to Suzie's company more so on the fact that I did not want to be alone with April until I came to terms with myself and our situation. After a while of us talking candidly, spending more time together separate of April, and getting to know each other on a deeper terrain, I began looking forward to seeing Suzie just because. I did not know we had so much in common and that we had a lot of similar interests and like so much of the same things. It was somewhat bizarre yet strangely warming since I had not felt that since…Angelica.
I shook my head of all crazy thoughts. This was not only a good friend of April but Angelica's sort of best-friend. I had no right to mentally molest Suzie, even if it was innocent…most of the time. I swallowed. "Can I give you a lift?"
"I live out of your way, Chuckie." She smiled. "But thank you."
"It's no problem, really. After all, we are friends aren't we?"
She smiled. "I have no money to give you for gas."
"That's fine. You can just buy this bag of chips and we'll call it even."
I grinned, tossing her a bag of barbeque potato chips; turning to head towards the register. "Positive."
I don't know why… but my heart began racing…
A/N: So….did I surprise anyone yet? Yes? No? I think I quite outdone myself this time. To be honest, I did not expect this story to take a turn this way myself but I am liking where it is going. So…comments and suggestions are MUCH WELCOMED! Again, I am on the fence about a sequel but we'll see. See u soon kittens!-SP