OKAAAAYY! I KNOW alright? I know I'm terrible, because I should be updating all my other stuff, and I'm late on a chapter of The Confession, but… but aarrghh I can't help this! Forgive mee!
Inspired by New Girl. Seriously, if you haven't watched the show, start now. Please. This won't be a direct copy in style, though.
Chapter 1: Pilot
"These people are utterly ridiculous. Why is it that the one time that Deidara did the flyers, we get all these weird ass people?" Kisame moaned, slamming the door in the face of the latest applicant for a position as a roommate.
"I…" Deidara sputtered indignantly at Kisame's complaint. "I object! That last one was perfectly alright, un!" Three pairs of eyes locked onto the blonde. "Well… in an I-eat-puppies kind of way, un, but … okay fine he was despicable, but they aren't all horrible!" He raked his blonde hair out of his face.
Taking notice of Deidara's frazzled appearance, Sasori calmly scooped the blonde's hair out of his face and put it in a topknot. Deidara gave Sasori an appreciative glance as the redhead continued on to the kitchen.
"If someone more suitable does not come in the next five people, I will take the flyers down and pay the extra share," Itachi murmured over his coffee. "…Which would mean that I claim parking spot #13 forever, the right side of the fridge, and I choose dinner three nights for the week. I also don't have trash duty or wake-up-Sasori duty, and I get to redecorate this place whenever I want," the dark haired Uchiha said in a monotone while blinking solemnly.
Deidara's eyes widened.
"You… you bitch, un!" he screamed at the Uchiha, throwing his hands in the air and glaring wildly. A strand of hair slid from his topknot. Sasori appeared silently behind the blonde, and promptly fixed it.
Itachi blinked at Deidara and serenely walked into the kitchen to refill his coffee. The Uchiha was completely and utterly addicted to coffee, and had at least four cups every morning. Any less than four and he turned into a bit of a terror.
"Don't you ignore me, un!" Deidara continued screaming, as he stormed towards an unconcerned Itachi. He was about to slap Itachi upside the head with a placemat he'd swiped from the table when a knock sounded on the front door. Deidara halted mid-motion, blue eyes wide.
Kisame raised a brow and stalked towards the door. Before the door even opened fully, a high-pitched male voice sounded.
"HI! I'M TOBI! TOBI IS A VERY GOOD BO-"
Kisame slammed the door shut.
"One down, four to go," Itachi said simply, reaching for the newspaper.
Kisame's eye twitched. He'd been trying really hard to be on his best behavior today, but thoughts of the coveted parking spot, the right side of the fridge (it was definitely the best part of the appliance and there would be SO much space for his tuna), and the domination of the dinner menu thrice weekly (there was so much seafood to be had! Tuna, salmon, catfish, basa, and then shellfish, octopus….) were stakes he was NOT willing to give up to the Uchiha. They would all be eating food with unpronounceable names and dubious sounding ingredients three times for the week… it could not happen!
The four of them, Deidara, Kisame, Sasori and Itachi, had been roommates for six years solid, and none of them had any plans whatsoever to move on. Itachi was a manager in a large law firm (he could have had his own place, but he liked controlling other people, hence the roommate situation… he made it his duty to find ways to control them all), Sasori and Deidara were well to do artists (they perpetually disagreed about art, but their eccentricities prevented them from living alone), and Kisame was… well Kisame owned a bar and a seafood grill.
They each paid one fifth of the rent, one fifth of the utilities, one fifth of the supermarket bill, and one fifth of the price of generally used items like the telephone, the sofa etc… that is… when they had another roommate. Other than that, whoever paid two-fifths got privileges. Unfortunately, only Itachi had the money to pay two-fifths (he'd created the rule with this exact reason in mind) and the Uchiha, though perfectly reasonable on the outside, constantly schemed to get rid of their new roommates so he could perpetually lord his privileges over the others.
It had to stop.
They had to find a roommate capable of withstanding all that was Itachi! But all the people that applied to Deidara's flyers were idiots or flakes and it was all getting on Kisame's case! He needed his Seafood Day, and he was so adamant about it usually that he knew it would be the very first thing Itachi changed!
An hour passed before a knock sounded on the door. Sasori opened it, calmly sucking on lollipop.
"Hello there," a smooth voice said from the door. All the occupants of the condo could literally imagine the eyes raking up and down Sasori's slim figure. There was only one problem. It was a male voice… All the roommates were completely and undeniable straight.
Sasori slammed the door shut.
"And then there were three…" Itachi said smoothly, taking another sip of his coffee and turning a page in the newspaper. Kisame felt exactly how Deidara looked. Frazzled.
"Maybe we can put some nice sculptures in place of those god-awful explosion video-clips when you redecorate, hmm?" Sasori muttered to himself after triple bolting the front door. He had a strange pallor to his skin as he thought about the bonafide pedophile that had been at the door. The way the man had licked his lips…. Eagh.
The redhead dodged the shoe that Deidara flung at his head. It hit the door behind him and fell harmlessly to the floor.
"They are NOT awful, they are art! Art is a bang, un! Gone in a flash!" Deidara yelled, scowling.
"They will be gone in a flash when I trash them," Sasori countered, blinking solemnly at Deidara.
"Well, they're better than your creepy dolls, Sasori," Deidara snarled.
"Guys…" Kisame groaned, clutching his head. "Not this again… seriously! You guys never stop…"
"Leave them be, Kisame," Itachi muttered from behind his newspaper. "Let them get angry, and scare off all the applicants… and then I can secure a spot in the fridge for the mushrooms I want to use for dinner tonight…" Kisame's eye twitched.
"Oi, you to better clam up, or I swear to Kami…" the seafood-lover snarled at the two artists. They scowled at each other for five full seconds before Deidara pranced off to fiddle with the buttons on a remote to change the explosion video-clip on one of the screens mounted on the wall.
There was a knock on the door. Three sharp raps.
Three was the condo's lucky number. Deidara, Sasori and Kisame shared a meaningful glance… well… Sasori was unwrapping his third lollipop for the morning.
This was it. If this wasn't the right person, the condo's mojo would be ruined, Itachi would have dominion over them, and all would be lost in the grand scheme of things. This person had to be perfect!
Deidara was the one to open the door this time.
"Hi," came the greeting from the person outside. It was a female voice. Oh, this could possibly be quite interesting!
Who shall it be? Sakura, Hinata, Ino… or anyone else you suggest? I'm thinking to go with the majority, so please review! It will probably turn into a romance at some point, but I'm not sure yet!
Do let me know what you thought, though!