This takes place out-of-continuity, and is obviously for fun. There shouldn't be any spoilers ahead for the upcoming movie (It's not out here yet!) But I thought it might be a fun idea.
"Shh!" Carol muttered to him as she snuggled up close. He smiled as he wrapped one arm around her well-muscled body, while the other held onto his drink. Sitting in his lap was a bag of popcorn. All around them, other people eagerly hushed themselves as the theatre lights darkened, signalling that the actual movie was about to begin. He smirked as he ran his hand through her long hair, while the title of the movie showed itself. It's a damn good thing is that they still got my name wrong. I couldn't stand if they had somehow used 'Peter Parker'. Thank god...Doc Ock would have a field day... He thought as the screen lit up, and images began to play across the screen. He watched as his film adaptation, a matinee idol crossed with a pop star named Anthony MacField played 'Robert Budreaux' flip through a series of kicks. Admittedly, he did a fairly decent job of replicating some of Peter's favourite moves.
But he was not without fault. Peter could easily tell when the man was operating on a wire, or when they where using CGI. But then again, he understood that the human body had its limitations. What he was not willing to forgive, however, was the way they portrayed 'Black Cat.' Who, in this interpretation, was his side-kick/girlfriend and being played by a twenty-something European actress named Kristen Stoné
"Slut." Carol muttered softly, "Fake tits. Hair extensions. Obviously using a stunt-double. And-"
"Looks like a twig?" Peter whispered, earning a small giggle from his super-hero girlfriend. "Don't worry, I'd never leave you for her."
"Good," Carol whispered back, "because I'd break you in half," she continued as they watched a police chase play out before their eyes. It was so nice to just sit back and watch the mindless action. Though he couldn't stop himself from judging the quips coming from 'Spider-man's' mouth. They seemed to be somewhat out-of-place and disjointed. The worst of which where just pop-culture references. He even found himself cringing as a joke about Twilight was made towards the fictional interpretation of 'Morbious the living Vampire'. But he let it go, because there where far worse insults to his legacy, such as the third film in a trilogy of movies that had been so bad that the series had been rebooted. That was tragic, because he remembered the first two being so good.
"Good god," he muttered to himself as he saw 'The Lizard' appear on the screen for the first time. "He's naked! Connors was-"
"Shh!" someone hissed from a few rows away, "shut up!" Peter smiled to himself as he leaned back in his seat, and watched his representation fight the nude CGI monster. All the while, he tried to get the image of Connors looking like that in real life, and found himself becoming thankful that the villain usually wore a lab coat when he tried to kill Peter, at least.
"Ugh," Carol snorted as she turned her head away from a particularly 'hot-and-heavy' kiss that took place in the rain. She bore a disgusted look on her face as the heroine gripped the sides of 'Spider-man's' mask as they kissed, and Peter felt himself slightly disturbed as well. It gave the impression that he had actually had a physical relationship with the Black Cat, which he hadn't. The best that they had shared was a few one-night stands a few years back. "fake tits..." she whispered once more. He rubbed her shoulder as the two of them watched the climax begin to build up. 'Spider-man' was set against 'The Sinister Six' in the middle of downtown Manhattan, with his 'girlfriend' being held hostage by the 'Green Goblin'. It was all very fake, in his mind. He knew that the real Sinister Six would never operate in broad daylight like they where on the screen. Normally, they would be hiding in the sewers, or a secret lair of some sort, waiting for him to find them.
Naturally, 'Spider-man' was able to defeat the evil villains with ease, or even ruining the actor's perfect visage, he noted to himself. The only mark the character bore was a small cut on the lip, and this did not go unnoticed by the beautiful woman sitting next to him.
"Why can't you ever come to bed like that?" she whispered as she planted a small kiss on his cheek. The movie had ended, and the lights came up as people started getting out of their seats. The two avengers, however, stayed put. They wanted to wait and see if there would be one of those 'after credits' scenes they had seen in other films before. "And not get blood everywhere?" Carol asked as soon as they where relatively alone.
"You love playing nursemaid," Peter replied quietly as something flickered across the screen. They had been right to stay, as there was indeed a scene being played out. However, neither of them seemed to enjoy it much, as it was just 'Spider-man' and 'Black Cat' lying in bed together, as a shrouded villain watched them from afar. "Don't deny it," he finished.
"I won't," Carol whispered as they got out of their seats, and discarded their drink and popcorn containers. "Though I am wondering something," she asked as they wound their way outside, into the night air.
"What?" he replied.
"'Spider-man' has gotten five movies so far," She said, with a slight chuckle. "Iron Man's gotten three, Captain America's gotten two, same with Thor and Hulk."
"And?" Peter asked as they turned around a corner.
"When's it gonna be my turn?" Carol asked with a huff. "If SHIELD can get a television series, I should be able to get a movie. Or hell," she continued as she leaned up against a wall, "why not out 'me' in one of your movies? We've been officially a couple for a year. Surely-"
"They probably couldn't find an actress who was attractive enough," Peter replied as he leaned in and gave her a kiss. "And who can actually act. And not make other women feel inadequate," he said, doing his best to comfort her. Luckily, it seemed to work, and she smiled seductively at him as she pushed him against the adjacent wall.
"You always know what to say," Carol murmured with a smirk, "so how about we go home and I can show you how much...more of a man you are than that pretty-boy wannabe, hm?"
"I like that plan," was all he could say.