A/N: Phew, this started out as a small drabble, and worked its way into a one-shot! My muse does have a mind of her own! JKR owns all (but we know that!) This was written for the Harry Potter Femmeslash Project Challenge: theme: letterfic & angst, prompts used: flaws, vanilla, daisychains, itsjustthewayiam. Also written for the Ultimate Femmeslash Comp, Legendary Gods & Goddesses Comp (Poseidon), & the Legendary Creatures Comp (Makara). Enjoy!
Roxanne looked at the piece of paper in her hands. With an angry shout, she crumpled it up and threw it across the room. She glared at it for a few moments, wishing it would burst into flames. But after staring at the crumpled ball for a few moments, her anger began to dissipate. With a sigh she crossed the room and picked it up.
She uncrumpled the paper, smoothing it out along her desk. Glancing around the dorm, she was thankful her little fit didn't wake anyone up. Her eyes traveled to Dominique's sleeping form. The blonde witch was snoring slightly, her body moving with every breath.
Snap out of it, Roxanne scolded herself. She's your cousin for Merlin's sake!
Looking down at the letter she had written, Roxanne read it silently to herself.
I know I probably shouldn't be writing to you, for a number of reasons, but I just can't stop myself any more. You need to know how I feel, how I truly feel.
You see, I love you Dominique, more than I possibly should. More than a girl loves her best friend. More than a girl loves her cousin. More than… well, I think by now you get the idea.
I'm not sure when it happened. It might have been during fourth year, when we sat by the lake talking for hours about nothing. We lay in the grass, making daisy chains. I had never done that before, but you showed me how, patiently showing the way to bend the flowers without breaking them. I was awestruck by you then. You were so sweet and patient, and I knew then I was so lucky to have you in my life.
Yes, that's when it happened. I fell in love with you, right by the lake. Dominique, when I look at the lake now, all I can think of is you and all the special memories we have there.
Later on that year, I realized that you always wore vanilla perfume. Only a dab though, not enough for anyone else to really notice. But I noticed. I always noticed. When you walk by, I can always smell the sweet scent of vanilla, filling my senses with the sweet smell of Dominique. You smell like vanilla Dom, you are vanilla. Whenever I smell that scent, I think of you.
You're perfect Dominique. You don't have a single flaw, although I know you worry you do. You stare at yourself in the mirror for hours at a time, criticizing every little thing about yourself, but you shouldn't. You're a beautiful girl Dom, the type of beauty that drives all the others crazy. Girls want to be just like you, and boys just want to be with you. I don't blame them though, you're pretty amazing. But you shouldn't worry about what others think Dom. I know having a sister like Victoire would make me feel insecure too, but you don't have to worry. You're perfect, from your porcelain skin to your piercing blue eyes. Every inch of you is perfect. At least I think so.
You're probably surprised that I'm even into women, since I haven't even told anyone. It's just the way I am, and I'm not going to change for anyone. I'm comfortable with who I am, even if it means I'll spend the rest of my life alone because I can't be with the woman I love (which is you in case you haven't figured that out yet).
But I love you Dominique. I love you more than anything in the world. I love you like the moon loves the sun, or the earth loves the sky. They are always around each other, but never actually together. I know we'll never be together Dominique, I've accepted that. To think otherwise would just be foolish. But know this, despite it all, I do love you. I love you, knowing that you'll read this and never look at me the same. I love you, knowing that my love with always be unrequited. But it's okay, because I still love you. It will always be okay, because you're in my heart.
I know that we're cousins and that this isn't something that's acceptable… I know that. Trust me, I've tried to love someone else, tried to move on with my life… but I just can't. I love you Dominique, despite the fact that you're my cousin and you'll never love me back. I just wanted you to know.
Love always, Roxanne.
Roxanne sighed. She knew she could never send the letter. Her family would be furious if they found out! Hell, they didn't even know she was a lesbian. It wasn't that she was afraid to tell them, she just didn't want too. Because then everyone would be up in her face, and Roxanne just didn't want that. She wanted to be alone in her feelings; she didn't want to share her thoughts and feelings on the matter. Because honestly, that would just open up a whole new can of worms. That's what she wanted, to keep it a secret. The only person she could ever think of telling was Dominique, but that was something she would never do.
But a small part of her always wondered what would happen if she did tell Dominique. Would Dom return her feelings? Was there possibly a chance that the two of them could live happily ever after? She seriously doubted it. But a girl could hope, couldn't she?
But Roxanne was a realistic girl… Thinking things could be differently between them was wrong. And Roxanne didn't want to live her life in denial… she refused too. But she couldn't move on, so she was stuck, in some sort of limbo. She couldn't move forward, and she certainly couldn't move back. So she would stay where she was, not making any progress with Dominique. Because in reality, there was no progress to be made.
Roxanne grabbed the box beneath her bed, opening it. She put the letter inside, where it joined the countless others she had written. They were all letters for her, for Dominique. All letters than Roxanne would never show anyone. They were her dark little secret, and they would stay that way.
Closing her eyes, Roxanne drifted off to sleep. She wished things could be different, but she wasn't a fool. She knew some things wouldn't change. Thinking otherwise would be pointless.