By Lady Peter
A/N: Many thanks to my dedicated beta reader, Push.
She just felt so very bold that night.
That morning she had woken up to see Han sleeping in her bed, something which hadn't happened yet in their short time as a couple. His hand was lying palm-up between them, and she lifted it with both of hers and held it for a moment, then couldn't resist kissing his palm and then his wrist, lightly pressing her tongue over his pulse point. The soft but steady beat against her mouth made her stomach flutter. Han's hand suddenly came to life, cupping her head as she placed a few last kisses on his wrist and looked up at him.
He didn't say anything, just gazed at her with such vulnerability and wonder in his face that her heart ached. She felt suddenly protective towards this tender creature who'd woken in her bed. At the same time she felt a surge of power and an accompanying need to possess him. Wasn't she his protector just as he was hers? Hadn't she saved him from that terrible blankness just weeks ago? Leaning over him on her elbow as she stroked his cheek, she felt larger than him somehow. He pulled her face towards him, and they began to kiss in a way that reminded Leia of something she'd recently learned about called "morning sex."
A moment later, just after Leia's discovery of an impressive "morning erection" (something else she'd recently learned of), Han's comlink buzzed and then he was gone, seemingly in an instant: showered and shaved and at the door before she knew it. with a rueful smile and a "see you tonight, Sweetheart?" she was left alone: frustrated, aroused, and determined to explore her new feelings that night.
At this time they had been lovers for perhaps two weeks, the number of times they'd made love countable on two hands, each time an individual memory. They'd explored a few variations of the sex act, used different positions and learned how their bodies could work together. But in the last few days it had been on her mind that she hadn't pleasured him the way she really wanted to, not well enough, at least, in her opinion. As someone who believed that anything worth doing was worth doing well, she wasn't satisfied with this state of affairs. She'd been keeping this thought in a little pocket in her mind, where it could wait for inspiration to strike.
And this morning, the desire had been born in her to give him pleasure that would put that vulnerable look on his face again, only this time coupled with a powerful desire. She needed to possess him now, in several very specific ways. She loved to submit to him, to feel him over her and in her and all around her, to feel helpless with the power of her own pleasure. Now she realized that he could be helpless, too. How wonderful it would be to give him the kind of pleasure that would make him cry out for her the way that she did for him. She wasn't sure where this sudden confidence in her erotic power had come from, but she loved how it felt, and the best part was she knew somehow that Han would love it too.
The day passed in a fog, and more than once she lost the thread of a conversation or needed to be called to attention. All she could think of was that night, and her anticipation turned into physical discomfort.
He'd said that he would come to her late in the evening, after helping Luke with a few ship modifications and eating dinner with Chewie, so after a light meal, Leia showered and changed. She chose a favorite sleeveless shift in pale ivory that came to her knees. She sat down at the desk in her quarters on Home One to get a little work done, but all she could do was shuffle data from one place to another or compose words that made no sense once she read them back. She was frustrated with trying to force her brain to focus on work when all it wanted to do was think about sex. It took all the self-control she had to keep from comm'ing Han and asking when he'd be there. If she told him how eager she was to see him, and why, it would probably hurry him along, but she didn't want to show her hand so soon. She decided to give him a deadline: if he hadn't shown up in 30 more minutes, she would comm him with some excuse about wanting to talk about something. With this settled, she actually was working when the door chime rang and she called for him to come in.
She stood up but didn't step out from behind the desk as he came into the room. "Hey, Darlin', you dressed for bed already? Long day, huh?"
"Yes, a very long day. And I missed you. You left too quickly this morning."
"Sorry - had to do it. Madine wanted me to help go over troop allocations. Going legit for real involves a lot more work than I thought it would."
"Poor thing. That sounds just terrible. Well, I've had one of those days where I work and work but I feel like nothing is getting accomplished. I think it's because I've been distracted all day."
"Oh yea? By what?"
"Like I said, you left too early this morning. I didn't get what I wanted and I've been stuck on it all day."
"What have you been stuck on?"
"Every time I tried to work today I started to think about you, and how you looked at me this morning. I want to see that look again."
"I'm not sure what look you mean, but I'm willing to experiment as much as necessary to get it right."
Finally she stepped around the desk. "Come here."
"Gladly, but let me wash up first. I'll be right back."
Leia leaned against the front of the desk and glanced over at the bed. She was starting to feel a bit nervous, so she closed her eyes and tried to bring back the way she'd felt that morning, full of desire and confidence. She heard the door open and she raised her head and opened her eyes.
Han had burst out of the 'fresher, seeming ready to bound over to her and take her in his arms in his usual way, but he must have seen something new in her face, because he stopped short as soon as their eyes met. He watched Leia expectantly as she walked over to him evenly on her bare feet. When she reached him she put both palms on his chest and inhaled through her nose, breaking his gaze to watch as she unbuttoned his shirt. Han raised his hands to pull her to him, but she took them and placed them back at his sides, shaking her head and giving him just a sliver of a smile. He wasn't smiling anymore. He looked at her with a furrowed brow, then his expression changed to wide eyes and slightly opened mouth when she ran her hands over his shoulders and chest and sides.
Leia couldn't believe she was hearing herself speak when she looked up at him again and murmured, "you're so beautiful. Do you know that?" Han opened his mouth, closed it, then just shook his head a little. She waited for a moment more, suddenly really wanting him to answer. But he remained mute, looking as if he had been called on in class and didn't know the right answer. She thought she'd never seen him at a loss for words, and it gave her a kick. She shook her head a little and tried not to look too smug as she turned her eyes back to his body.
She'd grown used to the luxury of looking at him almost whenever she wanted, but she always felt a little embarrassed when Han caught her at it. He loved to tease her about it, too. But tonight she shamelessly drank in the sight of his bared chest, and finally leaned to kiss it. She was just getting started when Han reached for her. Despite her attempts to keep him from distracting her from her purpose, his ability to be still seemed to be gone. He had his hands on her waist and was leaning down to kiss her before Leia could slip out of his arms and retreat a few steps back. She shook her head, stepping back further and perching on the edge of the bed.
She held up her hand to keep him several paces off and then said "get undressed." She half-expected an outright refusal or a smirk or a joke of some sort, but Han just kept staring at her while he promptly removed every stitch of clothing. Leia's own little smile faded when she saw him standing in front of her, no longer trying to get to her but waiting to see what she'd do next. Her eyes darted down his body, so appealing and fully aroused now. She'd lost some of her confidence but none of her resolve, and after swallowing and returning her eyes to his face, she whispered for the second time, "come here." Han didn't rush now as he took the five long steps over to the bed where Leia was sitting. And now he was in front of her, waiting.
Deliberately and with no hesitation she took him in her mouth, closing her eyes and putting her hands on his hips. Her thumbs at the front of his pelvic bone anchored her to him, and she needed it because suddenly she felt a little dizzy. Leia steadied herself and began to explore his length and breadth, the places where he seemed most sensitive. She felt silly for the first time when she made a sighing sound in her throat, but then Han's hands, which had been moving from her hair to her face to her arms, settled on her shoulders, and he gripped them so firmly that she knew he didn't think this was silly at all.
Time stood still for a while. With her her eyes closed, Leia became lost in touch and smell and taste. Aside from an occasional "oh Gods" from up above, every other sound seemed to disappear too. The world shrank to what was in front of her, encompassed by her hands and lips. She was surprised at how aroused she was beginning to feel. Her hips began shifting to and fro in little increments and she felt a heat and wetness begin to collect between her legs.
This lovely timeless stretch was interrupted by Han's hips jerking towards her in a rather sudden way that broke the spell over Leia and made her rear back a little. "Sorry, sorry, I'm..." Han managed to get out before collapsing on the bed beside her. He tried to kiss her again now, but once more she refused him. "I'm not finished. Lie down."
With Han on his back now, she had a totally different point of access. She used her hands more now, and even her hair, brushing it across him in a way that drew a rumbling moan from him. Suddenly she had to suppress an inappropriate laugh: she'd forgotten the whole reason for this in the first place. She'd been so intent on this new practice that she'd completely forgotten to look at Han's face.
She raised her head a little, still teasing him lightly with the end of her braid, and was rewarded with the sight she'd been longing for all day. He was staring down at her from the pillow, breathing hard. She saw some of the vulnerability she'd seen that morning, but mostly she noticed raw passion and something else, perhaps a feeling that he was seeing her for the first time. Leia reminded herself to breathe, and then she put her lips around him again, still looking at his face as if performing an experiment. His eyes slammed shut, his mouth fell open, and his head fell back. "Oh shit, Leia." Now as his head rocked on the pillow she saw the full measure of that aching tenderness that had compelled her that morning. She watched as pleasure overtook him and robbed him of any remaining control. Satisfied, she bent her head again to his hardness, knowing now that it would not be much longer.
In fact, as soon as that thought crossed her mind, she felt his hand on her head as he said, "Oh gods - it's coming." She spared one last glance up at his now almost desperate expression, then bent to her task with what she hoped was an appropriate level of intensity. When he came, with a series of shudders and a noise that was close to a shout of triumph, she faced the biggest challenge of this whole enterprise. She was relieved that she handled it with aplomb: relatively neatly and without fuss.
She rested her head on his hip while they both returned to reality. Han stroked her hair for a moment before pulling her up to the pillows with his own "come here, you." For the first time that night they kissed. It felt so new, as if they hadn't seen each other in days, or had passed through some sort of battle or trial together. When their lips finally parted, Han smiled at her with satisfaction and a small measure of bemusement.
"what was that?"
"What was what? Didn't you like it?"
"I think I might have blacked out for a minute there, but yes, I definitely liked it. You can stop giggling now, and you can get out of that nightgown."
"Done and done."
This was territory that was getting familiar to Leia, naked together on her bed, kissing lips, then shoulders, then breasts, hands wandering over hips and backsides. But she still felt a strange charge that was almost uncomfortable. In one last burst of boldness, she managed to say in his ear, "I want to come." He pulled back and smiled at her. His old familiar grin was back, and he asked "do you want me to...," indicating that he'd be more than willing to reciprocate her generosity. But something about that didn't feel right tonight. "No, I want to keep kissing you. Just touch me."
So he kissed her again, and did as she asked. It felt like he was matching his movements between her legs to the way she kissed him, but that brilliant "come here" gesture he was making inside her, that was all his idea. She had had a bit of sexual experience before him, but the unbearable sweetness of this sensation was something Han had introduced her to. She associated it exclusively with his presence by her side, or atop her, or beneath her.
She lay in the crook of his free arm and made it a game to keep kissing him as long as she could hold out. But she'd already reached such a state of arousal before he even touched her that before long she had to break free of his lips and let out a near-scream of pleasure for a long moment of climax. His fingers continued a more gentle movement inside her while she rode out her pleasure, only stopping when she finally fell back, limp.
While she felt her heartbeat return to normal she hid her face against his shoulder. Sometimes she felt too raw to let even him look at her, but he was having none of that tonight. "Hey," he said softly, and raised her chin to kiss her. "I love you."
"I love you so much, Han. You're so precious to me."
"Honestly, what was that just now?"
"What do you mean, 'what was that'?"
"It was pretty different than anything we've had together so far, and you were, well, not not you, but a version of you I hadn't met before. I was a little surprised to see her. Thrilled, though, honestly. Don't let her go anywhere."
"She'll make an appearance from time to time. The only thing I can say about why is that I felt- I don't know - maybe the way I think a man must feel. I looked at you this morning and I felt this sort of desire I'd never felt before: like I wanted to protect you and ravish you all at the same time."
"Well, I'm comfortable enough with my masculinity to be OK with that. Especially if this is the result. Honestly, Leia, I've - well, I've done that before, but I don't think I've ever felt quite Like that before. You can ravish me any time you like. You were amazing."
"You're making me blush."
"After everything we've done tonight, that's what makes you blush? Don't worry. In here together, we can say mushy things to each other and it can be our secret."
"I like that idea. Gods, I feel so..."
"It's so odd... I think I feel happy." She giggled at the silliness of it: of feeling happy at all, and of how strange it seemed to feel that way. Han laughed and put his arms around her in a tight hug.
"Me too, sweetheart."