A/N: I decided to post one of the plot bunnies that have been brewing in my head for a while. Some of the poems and journal entries are my own, except for a few which I will acknowledge at the end of the chapter. The idea for this story came from several places, so many I can't even list and I don't want to. There are no betas all spelling mistakes and grammar is all my own. I hope you enjoy it.
DISCLAIMER: If I owned either of the characters would be posting this? I would be in a penthouse in Orange County. I have no rights what so ever. All characters beside the ones I decide to add are
Full Summary: Bella is tired of everything. Ever since He left nothing feels right anymore. She is ready to give up on being alive, on being human. Until a certain blonde comes back to fix what he's broken. Will his wise words, kind eyes, sweet smile, and sexy accent bring Bella back from the abyss or will she be forever broken. Follow Bella and our favorite cowboy, Jasper, on a heart wrenching, tear filled, and love filled soul finding journey.
Journal entries/ poems
Chapter 1: Prologue- Worthless
What's the point of going on? Charlie? He doesn't need me. Unlike me he has people who care for him and people who love him. Me? I'm worthless, meaningless, nothing. Is that why he left me? Why they left me? Am I not worth it anymore? I can't take it anymore, being alone. I'm tired of living only to feel worthless and unwanted.
The murmur of death, a dark shadow
Ringing long and eternal as life slips
It breeds the unthinkable and touts
It begins at the end, on a whisper
I miss him. I miss them. But mostly I miss him. He haunts my dreams, even if I can't sleep to begin with, he haunts my thoughts, anything to never forget him, and he haunts my heart, anything to keep him close to me. Does he think about me still? Do I haunt your thoughts like you haunt mine? Do you still…do you still love me?
No, no you don't because I'm worthless. I'm not worth the time. Just thinking about him not loving me makes it hard to breathe and makes it hard to see. Why am I not good enough for anyone to stay and love me? What does it take for me to be loved? What does it take for me to be worth something? Did they really love me? If they did how could they just leave me without so much as a 'Screw you Bella'. Do I mean that much to people? Is it my humanness that is weak, that is unattractive? Anger at my human abilities and tendencies suddenly flair. Why did you have to be a weak and worthless stupid human? Why can't you be beautiful like Rosalie, Alice, or Esme? I am as plain as the come: dull brown hair, dull brown eyes, and almost sickly pale skin. I'm not tall and curvy like Rosalie or even small and petite like Alice. Bella means beautiful in Italian, yet there is nothing beautiful about me.
As I look at myself in my full length mirror I really see how unattractive I am. I see why they left me. They didn't want something this ugly and plain to taint their beautiful and dazzling family. It hurts saying their family and not my family. Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper…Ed...Edward. I gasp as the sharp pain pierces my heart and radiates through my body. My god, why can't this pain end? Why can't I just end?
Without a Soul
Keep searching, searching turns into
Turns into realization that I'm
Looking for is impossible to find
Searching for a soul
Searching for something that will be
Gone forever and I will be
Forever without a soul.
Feeling like this,
Feeling nothing at all
Looking for the light but only seeing
Going around in circles looking
For myself trapped within myself
Why can't I find myself?
Where have I gone?
Am I gone forever?
Am I trapped forever?
Trapped but never gone
Lost but never found
A/N: Well there's the prologue for this story. I hope people like it. I thought long and hard about this and I hope to get good reviews.
The first poem came from one of my favorite books: Blood Like Poison: For the Love of a Vampire. It's a really good series. If you ever get the chance or if you feel like it look it up and read it. It's amazing.
The last two are my own sorry if they suck I thought they went with this chp. I plan to update this as often as I can. But I can't make any promises. Please R&R and tell me whatever you want and I will heed what you say. Help me make this story more enjoyable for you.
R&R Please and Thank you