DISCLAIMER: I don't own Devil May Cry or Twilight.

Dante walked casually into the field, where he could hear an animal dying. In the field, Edward and Bella Cullen were killing a deer, their teeth buried in its neck. The most notable thing about them was that they sparkled in the sunlight. "Ah, great! More walking Christmas trees! Lady'd better pay me good money for killing you sparkling losers! I got a reputation to think about! I can't be seen fighting losers who turn into walking disco balls when the sun hits them!"

Bella charged at Dante, baring her oversized teeth at him. There was a gunshot, and Bella's head exploded. The headless body fell to the ground on its back. "I think that look suits you better. Beautiful Swan, my ass."
Edward charged forward, snarling with rage. Dante chuckled. "So I take it you're the demon taking possession of young girls' twisted desires."

There was a flash of red, and Edward fell to the ground, the two halves of his body falling in two separate directions. Dante casually placed his sword across his back. "All bark and no bite."

Dante sat in the Devil May Cry the next day, cleaning the last of the sparkly pixie dust off his red leather coat. Just as he was finished, the phone rang. "Ah, Lady. I've been waiting to hear from you. About my pay… What?! You added it to my debt?! I just did the most degrading job of my life, and I'm not even getting payed for it?!"