And here it is, the last chapter in this particular story - and YES I GOT ALL THE TITLES IN! *laughs in a scary-crazy way as everyone backs off very slowly*
"Major, we have a problem."
John looked up from his desk to see Rodney standing in the doorway of his office with a grim look on his face. Just behind him was Carson, looking equally worried Something in the physicist's expression troubled him and he found himself on his feet and walking the short distance to stand next to his friends. "Define 'problem'," he said.
McKay looked around for a moment, before leaning in close and dropping his voice to a whisper. "I heard on the grapevine that the cooks have been holding out on us," he explained.
"Holding out how?" asked Sheppard, raising an eyebrow.
"Apparently, they made a batch of double choc chip and fudge brownies yesterday and didn't serve them."
"Aye, lad, 'tis true," Beckett growled. "I'll have their guts for garters, the cheeky bastards!"
"I don't believe this!" the Air Force man snarled. "So let me get this straight – they served us cold rice pudding and stale blueberry muffins while all the time, they've been saving the good stuff for themselves?!"
McKay nodded. "That about sums it up," he replied, his own anger evident. "Don't get me wrong, I kind of like cold rice pudding but stale muffins are an insult."
John looked around for a moment. "Why don't you boys step into my office so that we can discuss this matter in private?"
Once they were all settled, Rodney leant his arms on John's desk. "From what my sources can gather, the cooks have hidden the goodies somewhere in the stores," he explained. "There are always at least two people in the kitchens at all times meaning that simply sneaking in isn't an option."
"What we need is a distraction then," Carson interjected.
"Exactly!" the scientist said with an evil grin.
"Something tells me you've got a plan," John said, recognising the look on his friend's face.
Twenty minutes later, John and Rodney wandered into the kitchen area of the mess hall.
"Colonel, Doctor," greeted Captain Laverne politely. "What can we do for you? Are you after a snack?"
Sheppard stuck his hands in his pockets and shook his head. "Not really, Captain," he replied. "We're actually not that hungry."
Laverne exchanged a glance with Corporal Reyes before returning his gaze to the two men standing in front of him. "Um... then what exactly do you want?" he asked. "No offence intended or anything."
"We just thought that you might like to know what's going on in the mess at the moment," McKay answered. "I gotta warn you thought, it doesn't look pretty."
"What the hell are you talking about?" asked Reyes, obviously confused.
"Why don't you take a look for yourselves?" John suggested, pointing to the door.
Exchanging another worried look, the two cooks cautiously stuck their heads out of the door and saw Carson standing in the middle of the empty room with a large pot full of something.
"What the hell?!" asked Laverne. "Doc, what on Earth are you doing?"
"Thought I'd try a spot of redecorating," the Scotsman replied cheerfully as he hefted a ladle from his pot.
"I should go and stop him if I were you," Rodney suggested innocently, trying hard not to laugh as Reyes got pelted between the eyes with a clump of mashed potato. "Dr Weir might blame the pair of you otherwise." He nodded at John, who gave Carson a signal.
Mashed potato went everywhere as Laverne and Reyes ran out to try and stop the physician. John and Rodney pelted through the kitchen to the stores and began tearing through boxes looking for the brownies.
"Hah!" McKay crowed triumphantly as he held up the rather large plastic container. "Jackpot!" He quickly shoved the box into his backpack before shouldering it.
"Nice one, buddy," Sheppard said, giving him a quick pat on the shoulder. "How's about we load up and help the good doctor out?"
Grabbing a variety of kitchen utensils and random foodstuffs, they pelted back through the kitchens and into the mess hall. Seeing that Carson was putting up a good fight but outnumbered, they quickly upturned one of the tables to create a makeshift barricade.
Reyes and Laverne suddenly found themselves under heavy fire. The distraction allowed Carson to nip round behind the boys' fort where he gave them a beaming grin. "Mission accomplished I take it?" he asked.
"Absolutely," Rodney replied, cheering when John got Laverne in the shoulder with an Athosian fruit roll.
"Will someone tell me what's going on?!" the downed Captain wailed as Reyes took a leaf out of the boys' book and turned over a second table.
"We just thought that you needed to be taught how to share, ya Irish git," Carson shot back. "And it's no good denying it. We have credible sources."
"Well, looks like we've been rumbled," Reyes mumbled before sending a volley of bread rolls at their barricade.
"Better call in Teyla and Ford," McKay said as he nailed Reyes on the arm with a well aimed carrot. "I think we need backup."
"Good idea," Sheppard agreed as THE SIEGE continued. Once he had radioed for them, he looked across at McKay. "Is the package secure?"
The Canadian grinned at the pilot, laughing as he saw Carson pelt Reyes with some ice cream. "You bet," he said.
Teyla and Ford came running into the mess hall – straight into the firing range of Reyes and Laverne. Before they had a chance to react, they were coated from head to toe in leek and potato soup. Seeing that they were taking fire, John dashed out from the safety of the table, grabbed hold of their jackets and yanked them back down with him.
"John?" Teyla asked, confused and more than a little angry at being drenched. "What is the meaning of this?"
"It's a food fight, love," Carson said, handing her a wad of kitchen roll.
Ford looked across at Sheppard. "Orders, sir?" he asked with a mischievous grin.
Sheppard grinned back. "Carson, you, Rodney and Teyla lay down cover fire. Me and Ford will sneak around and get 'em from behind. Ready?" Seeing the nods from the others, he scooted across to the edge of their shield. "NOW!"
Laverne and Reyes could do nothing but keep down behind their table as all manner of food was flung at them. Both men winced at the impacts, trying to time it so that they could retaliate. When there was a momentary lull, presumably while the others were 'reloading', they took their chances and returned fire.
Carson went down under a volley of cold spaghetti, while Rodney yelped as several apples bounced off his head and arms. Teyla managed to avoid the flurry of peanuts but was caught off guard by a medley of vegetables and went down.
Sensing imminent victory, Reyes and Laverne went to grab more ammunition... and found themselves face to face with Sheppard and Ford.
"At ease, soldier," John quipped, staring meaningfully at the string of garlic Laverne had started to reach for. "Looks like you lost this one."
"WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS GOING ON IN HERE?!"
Everyone froze at the sound of Elizabeth's voice.
"Run?" suggested Rodney as SGA-1 and Carson took the moral high ground and fled.
Later that evening...
After being discovered hiding in Lab One by an enraged Weir, the team had been forced to help Reyes and Laverne clean up the mess hall. Thankfully, the two cooks were smart enough not to mention the real reason for the food fight.
They were now sat in the Rec Room with Carson and Fidget, watching John's football game. The liberated brownies had been worth the scrubbing, they all agreed, although they'd had to keep Fidget from them. As it turned out, the little Elka had a sweet tooth that put even Rodney to shame.
"I still can't believe Elizabeth okayed this little guy," McKay said, laughing as Fidget decided to climb up onto his shoulder and perch there like a pirate's parrot.
"She's a girl," Sheppard said.
"Yes, we're all aware of her gender," the Canadian replied, "but what's that got to do with anything?"
"Girls like cute and fluffy."
"Fidget is really most adorable," Teyla said, tickling the Elka under his chin.
"See what I mean?" John asked. "And besides, like I said, I know how much you've missed your cat."
"Thank you. Again."
"You're welcome." The pilot reached around to stroke Fidget between his ears. "Besides, I'm getting kind of attached to the little guy myself."
"Hey!" Ford said. "He can be our official team mascot!"
Everyone laughed, completely ignoring the football game. "I think this wee thing's a bit young for that yet," Carson said as he got to his feet. "Lads, Teyla, it's been a pleasure but I need my sleep." The Scotsman said his goodnights then left the team to it.
"I think I will also retire," Teyla added as she gracefully rose from where she had been sitting on the floor. "Goodnight."
"Night, Teyla," John said, giving her a small wave.
"Tell you what, after all that action in the mess hall earlier, I'm beat," Ford said, also on his feet.
"You're just a kid, Ford," Sheppard laughed.
"Maybe it's past his bedtime," McKay added with a snigger.
"You two are so funny," Aiden said deadpan. "Seriously, I just can't stop laughing."
"Go on, kid, get," John mock-growled. "See you bright and early."
Once their team-mates had left, John turned back to Rodney with a smile playing across his lips. "This little guy is just too cute," he said, grinning as the Elka batted his nose gently with a tiny paw.
"Agreed," Rodney said. "Sheppard, I can't ever repay you for this."
"It was a present, Rodney. You don't have to." He pursed his lips as he thought for a moment, before adding, "Although it does mean that you're now obliged to get me a really cool present for my birthday."
"I think I can arrange that."
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, watching the end of the game on the screen. "I uh," Rodney began.
"I just..." McKay grinned embarrassedly as he scooped Fidget up into his arms. "I really, really appreciate this, John."
The Air Force man grinned and looked at his geek. "I know you do, Rodney." He chuckled before adding, "I guess I have a thing about taking in strays."
Rodney frowned then smiled as he worked out what John had meant. "Guess so," he agreed amicably as they both got to their feet.
"So tomorrow," John began as they walked down the corridor towards their respective quarters.
"I was thinking we should look for some fuel for the karts while we're off-world? Then we can have a proper race and I can kick your ass."
"Dream on, Sheppard," McKay laughed. "Never going to happen."
"We'll see about that."
As he walked down the corridor to his own room, Sheppard couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. His hangover from the start of the week was long since forgotten and he whistled under his breath as he mentally nudged his doors to open. He couldn't wait to find some proper fuel for the karts and have a decent race – and like hell was Rodney going to beat him.
He yawned and undressed before slumping into his bed. He made sure that his wretched alarm clock was set and then snuggled down under his covers.
Life in the Pegasus Galaxy was a lot of things, he thought to himself before drifting off, but it certainly wasn't dull.
DONE IT! WOOT! Okay, I know some of them were a bit contrived, but it's only a bit of fun. :) For those of you who wanted kart!whumping, watch this space - I have an idea in the works regarding that. :D
Until next time!