A/N: Hello! :) This is my first story so I hope you like it. Any type of criticism is welcome :)
*WARNING: I do NOT promote this kind of thinking or actions.
Nobody understood. Nobody understood that she felt like nothing. That every night, she would cry alone in her bed. That she could never go to sleep, and soon had insomnia. Nobody bothered to look at her legs, if they did they would find multiple cuts because cutting her wrists would be too risky. Nobody new that she felt like everyone was judging her when she walked into a room. Nobody knew that each time she looked at her body, she saw someone ugly. That she didn't eat anymore. Nobody new that she regretted each breath she took. That she thought they all hated her. That she thought they hated her, and were only being nice to her was because they felt sorry for her. Nobody knew that she still grieved over her mother's death that happened many years ago.
And she didn't tell anyone.
Each day was passing as if it never happened. She never really remembered the events that happened, or what she said. Mostly she said nothing. She liked to keep things to herself, as she thought she was burdening the person with her problems. Her dad was never really home to notice, and when he was he was dozing off on the couch, or actually made it to his bed. The things she did remember though, was the stares she got from everyone in the room. The way the hosts acted as though they liked her, and each time they asked if something was wrong, she would always say she was fine.
A cut with a razor here, a burn with a match there. This was the only way she could ignore her emotional pain; by bringing physical pain. She would cry as she cut her legs, ripping her flesh. She would scream when the match would touch her ankle. And cry in her bed as she regretted what she did, and how she felt like an outcast in this world.
The hosts had found out something was wrong with her a while ago. The way she suddenly distanced herself after the fair was too noticeable to pass up. They were very concerned, and whenever they tried to coax the answer out of her, she would become cold, and distance herself more. The days passed, and she got skinnier, paler, and it looked like she hadn't slept in months. Her cheeks were hallow, elbows bony, and blank eyes. They worried a bunch for her, as she was the only girl they all came to love. Even Kyoya was just as worried as they all were. They just hoped they could help her.
She felt like a useless slave. Go get that, sweep this, and cook that. She wondered if this was her purpose in life – to be in the shadows of others. It sure felt like that. She soon began to steal from her fathers liquor cabinet and drink until she passed out. The alcohol was her only escape, besides the cutting. If her father suspected something, he didn't mention it.
Sometimes at the club, she would dismiss herself from her customers – that were slowly dropping in number – and go to the bathroom and cry. Her crying spells would happen regularly, and daily. Nobody understood why she would always go into the bathroom. Nobody understood she felt she didn't belong on this earth.
She thought about suicide often, but she knew that was the easy way out. The harder part was making herself suffer. Abusing herself with alcohol, or hurting herself with razors. It depended on which mood she was in. Sometime she did both. It never occurred to her that people might actually care, she just assumed the worst.
The school knew she was a girl now, so it was harder to cover the scars and cuts on her legs. She wore knee socks with the dress instead of stockings, since the stocking were thin. She kept grew her hair long, and had it curtain her face. She covered her ears when people who didn't even know her, her story, what's she has been through, whispered about her hair and how she let herself go.
She came home crying one day, and took a pair of scissors and chopped off all of her hair. She cried as she took out her contacts and threw them in the garbage. She screamed as she threw the scissors into her bedroom mirror for reflecting something as repelling as her. She dropped to the floor in a fit of cries and chokes as she pulled on her butchered hair.
Nobody understood why one day she didn't show up at school. That why she didn't show up the next day without a word. The hosts soon grew with an agonizing worry as they visited her house. They found her father on the couch with his head in his hands, liquor bottle scattered everywhere. When asked where she was, his only response was only howling wails, and cries of how he should have known.
They searched her room only to find it a complete mess. Glass was everywhere, scissors still stuck in the mirror, and drawers from the dresser ripped open and barren. Her sheets were stripped off of the bed and hung out of the window across the room. The furniture was tipped over and the connected bathroom door was ajar.
The bathroom was no better. Alcohol bottles here thrown on the floor, half of them broken. Locks of hair laid in the sink, and blood stained the tile floor. Several bent, and broken blades were tossed into the tub along with a bottle of pills. The only thing that remained normal was her yellow uniform, hanging on the shower rack above their heads, completely intact.
She couldn't take it anymore. She grabbed a bag and tore through her drawers and packed her bags. She ripped the sheets off of her bed and ties them together as she listened to her dad happily milling around the kitchen preparing her dinner. She flung the sheets out the window and tied the end to the sill. She threw her bag out the window and watched it as it landed onto the cool earth below.
She had to leave. To run away. This was all too much. It would be better if she was gone anyways. She wouldn't being holding anybody up or be a nuisance any longer. She felt so out of place, not only with the rich society she was introduced to, but with the world. Nobody knew she tried to overdose, but couldn't muster up the courage. Nobody knew how hard she tried to be accepted. Society told her to act one way, but her friend expected her to be another way. The only way to deal with this feud was run away.
With more thought into it then she planned, she hung her uniform from the shower rack. She silently cried as she slipped a picture of her parents into her pocket and snuck one more look at her father arranging the table for two before she crawled out the window and left her house forever.
She found a place in a park two towns down, just beyond the playground. There was a large concrete pipe that she settled into. She watched the children play all day and thought of how they had a purpose on this world, unlike her. She used to be a glass half full person, but now she sees it completely empty. Dry and barren, like there was never water in it to begin with. Though, nobody would understand.
They searched and searched fore her, but never found her. They wondered of she was eating, if she was safe. They got angry that her father just cried in her room, holding her dress, instead of coming out to find her. The Ootori Police Force was out searching 24/7 and made sure every place was searched. They couldn't understand why she would do this. Didn't she understand that they all loved her? That she was never a burden to them? And that they were just worried?
Nobody new that she was just within their reach. That she now scavenged in the park trashcan for scraps of food. Nobody knew she had fainted due to lack of food and blood loss. That she would now just stare at the darkness of the pipe she was habituated in. Nobody knew that she desperately wanted to come home. That she finally realized they cared about her after watching the twins search the very park she was in before they fell to their knees crying. That she waited until the rests of the hosts came and the rest of them cried with them. Some silently, the tears slipping off their cheeks, others wailing loudly, there chest heaving as they tried to breath.
Nobody knew that she didn't know how to go home. She knew they would be disappointed in her. Darkness had surrounded her the past two years, and now she was finally trying to claw her way out. She felt like she was being buried alive, and running out of breath as she wished for the comfort of her friends and father. So nobody knew why she willingly went with the Ootori Police Force when they found her one cold night searching for food.
They put her in a mental hospital to try and help her, and try to understand why she spiraled out of control. Nobody understood why she didn't want to go to the hospital that felt like a jail. They asked her questions that made her think pack to the dark times, and she felt like she was running out of breath again. Nobody knew why she didn't feel comfortable talking to a complete stranger who was trying to talk to her.
She would get angry and throw things at the wall when they would apologize. Why were they apologizing? It was her fault that this happened! She was the bad friend, the weakest link. She tried to explain this to them, but nobody understood.
She knew they were trying to understand. Making an effort to help her. And she explained it all while crying into one of there arms. They put her on anti-depressants and a bunch of other medication. They had to force her to eat, since she's gone so long without it. The kind nurses gave her baths everyday, and combed and cut her long hair. Each day they told her she was beautiful, and that she was very smart. And not to worry, that they understand her pain.
They were thrilled when they found her. But they it was towered over by the large amount of worry. They immediately put her in a mental hospital to help her. They knew she was upset that they did this, but what other choice did they have? They winced as she yelled at them. As she threw random objects around the room until one of them would come over and hug her until she started crying their arms. They tried to understand, for her sake.
She watched the horror come to their faces when she showed then the scars from he cuts and burns. Things were getting better after five month in the hospital and she was actually smiling and laughing. She took college courses online and she was occasionally allowed to visit her father. Her room was cleaned up, along with the bathroom. New furniture brightened the place up and when she was finally allowed home, she spent hours rearranging the furniture and putting up her own decorations.
Things were great again as far as she and the others were concerned.
Though she still knew they didn't understand why she did what she did a year ago. Why she felt so out of place, and why she thought what she did was the only answer. Though everyday she prayed they would understand one day. That they would come to realize why she did what she did, and accept it and move on.
'Please, somebody understand.'