This one hit me like a ten ton weight while I listening to the CD Gutterflower by the Goo Goo Dolls, okay so I'm obsessed with the Goo Goo Dolls and adore their music, it makes me think about myself, at least a lot of their songs remind me of me. IMO, Gutterflower is the one of the best albums they've put out, it's right next to a Boy Named Goo. I listen to it so much I'm just waiting for the CD to crack or warp or something.

Anyway, I was listening to it while on a road trip a few weeks ago and I started thinking, gee… this would make a great story with Ryou and Bakura (because of it's semi-suicidal, finding yourself content). Besides, to anyone has listened to the CD, don't ya think Ryou makes a good Gutterflower?: ) So, I decided to write a song fic with not just one song, but all 12 tracks on Gutterflower, one chapter for each song. And for those who don't like song fic's, well it's a good story anyway.

A summery: Ryou is trying to make it on his own, but not everything is as wonderful as it appears. Can Yami Bakura save him in time? Yaoi, suicidal references, and swearing. The rating may have to be changed, just warning you. And let's just pretend the Goo Goo Dolls never existed, just for the sake of the story. I'm also working on another fic right now, The Darkest Souls, so this is just an experiment, if everyone like it's and wants me to continue, I will, if not, I'll leave it. So please Read and Review!

Bakura: You know you abuse the privilege of having us as muses.
LYB: Ryou doesn't mind, do you hikari?
Ryou: ^___^ Nope! I get a fic about me!
Bakura: *Grumbles*
LYB: Cyris, would you do the honours?
Cyris: Sure,
Disclaimer: Lady Yami Bakura doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh, Warner Bros. Inc. Records, Virgin Music Inc., Six Asprin AM music, Corner of Clark and Kent Music or the band Goo Goo Dolls. Did I get it all?
LYB: I think so. On to the story.

*song lyrics*

Chap. 1: The Big Machine

Time had lost a lot of meaning for Ryou, he didn't even know how long it had been since he had first received the millennium ring. A lot had changed but a lot was still the same. He struck another chord on his acoustic guitar, he had an idea for a song but he didn't have the courage to write the words he was thinking of; his Yami would probably kill him. He wasn't sure what he would say anyway, something along the lines of do you even care what happens to me? The notes were coming freely from his fingers as he picked out a melody of pain that he felt. Music had become a release for him, no one could take away his music and he didn't have to make up any insane lies to cover it up like he tried to cover the scars on his wrists. After he had gotten his guitar about 8 months ago he had stopped cutting himself, hearing the music flow from his soul was better then seeing the blood flow from his skin. It was equally as soothing but one required much more secrecy. Besides everyone loved his music, no one ever thought the things he wrote had any truth, it was creativity.

Ryou looked at the clock, it was going for 3am, and he was still up waiting for Bakura to come home. He wondered why. Then he heard the front door click and footsteps coming up the stairs. Ryou hit another rift of chords, a signal that he was still awake. His Yami entered the bedroom but completely ignored him, walking right for the TV, taking off his jacket and throwing it lazily on the back of a chair before sitting and turning on the tube. "Where have you been?" Ryou asked, pretending to distracted by tuning the B string on his guitar.

"None of your business, woman." Bakura snapped.

Ryou knew very well where his Yami had been, raising hell on the other side of town yet again. "You've been out with Malik, haven't you?"

"What do you care?" The Yami hissed. "Now would you stop wailing on that thing, I'm trying to watch television!"

*Ecstasy is all you need
Living in the big machine,
Oh your so vain…*

"I'm just…" Ryou paused then sighed, "Never mind, just forget it." He felt a dull ache in his heart. No matter what he tried to do, nothing ever changed. His Yami ran wild over Domino City and if he tried to stop him, he wound up nursing bruises for a week. As far as he could tell, Bakura didn't give a damn about anyone but himself. Ryou wondered why his dark counterpart had no faith in the world, he knew that the ancient fiend had deeper secrets. That was worst then being randomly struck across the face, knowing that he cared about is yami, more then anything in the world, but his yami treated him like he was nothing.

*Now your world is way to fast
Nothing's real and nothing lasts
And I'm aware,
I'm in love but you don't care.*

But Ryou had been patient. To the point of being hopelessly depressed. For whatever reason, the cruel fiend took him to bed as he pleased but the next morning, it was like nothing had happened. Ryou sighed deeply inside himself, that's all he was to Bakura wasn't it? Just something to take out any and all his frustration on. Kill pain with pleasure. This was getting no where, Ryou didn't care about the pleasure at all, he just wanted not to be alone. He'd always been alone, his parents obviously didn't care, he hadn't seen them in months. He'd silently keep waiting for Bakura to put some faith and honesty in him.

*Turn your anger into lust;
I'm still here but you don't trust at all…
And I,
I'll be waiting…*

Ryou hit another chord haphazardly. "Will you stop!!" Bakura demanded.

"Oh, sorry Yami." Ryou said softly, then put his guitar carefully back in it's case. "I was just getting read for the show tomorrow."

"Your such an idiot." Bakura said sourly, "You really think that stupid band of yours will get anywhere?"

Ryou turned away slightly, feeling a bitter loneliness come up in him, he loved his music. "It's just a bit of fun." he replied in his soft tone. "The people at the club like it."

Bakura rolled his eyes. "I'm sure."

"You've never even heard us play." Ryou said, the bitter anger rising in him.

"Lucky for me I guess." Bakura smirked, changing the channel. Ryou turned a hurt glare on his dark double, his music was his life, without it, he had little reason to live. In fact even with his music he hated being alive, what was the point? He yami was to cynical and black-hearted to even care. The pain seem to snap.

*Love and sex and loneliness,
Take what's yours and leave the rest
So I'll survive…
God it's good to be alive.*

"What do you care anyway?!" Ryou half-shouted, "You just like playing games with my head! I've tried being patient with you but I swear to God, I've had it up to here! One minute your sweet and loving, the next your kicking me in the ribs or running off with Malik somewhere!" Bakura stared at the white haired boy, stunned. "I know your suffering from something! I can feel it dragging you down, you keep getting worst!

* I'm torn in pieces,
I'm blind and waiting for…
My heart is reeling,
I'm blind and waiting for you……*

"You've totally lost it since Malik's yami showed up and then was banished! I've had it!" Ryou could feel tears stinging his eyes. He felt like he was tearing down apart of himself, where did this anger suddenly come from. But it was true, when it came down to it, Ryou was still waiting for Bakura to drop his angry, bitter façade.

* Still in love with all your sins.
Where you stop and I begin?
And I;
I'll be waiting…*

"What the hell is your problem tonight!?" Bakura shouted, rising from his chair and leering at his lighter side. "Where the fuck did that come from!?"

Ryou could feel his heart turn over, it was like someone had pressed a red hot poker into his very soul. He could feel it smouldering, the same feeling, anger, disappointment, rejection, it was there everyday. It was unbearable. He looked up at the gorgeous fiend, who had his fists clenched and his eyes narrowed in frustrated rage. Ryou looked back at his feet, he couldn't look the darker boy in the eyes, it made him remember the precious moments when they were curled up in bed together, when there was no anger or animosity between them. Or to be more specific, in him.

* Living like a house on fire,
What you fear is your desire
It's hard to deal,
I still love the way you feel.*

Ryou finally responded in a calmer voice, but inside he was raging, helplessly overwhelmed in the malevolence of his whole life. "It's not my problem, it's yours. Why are you so afraid of having me close to you? I've never done anything to hurt you, and still your afraid of treating me like I'm a person. You refuse to talk to me, instead you just run off by yourself till all hours of the night. What have I ever done but sit here and take whatever you throw at me quietly, no protesting or fighting back? I'm not the one you should be afraid of, maybe you should be afraid of yourself."

* Now this angry little girl,
Is drowning in this petty world
And oh,
Who do you run to?*

Bakura glared "Deal with Baka." he hissed at the boy. "That's me. You don't like it? Tough luck. I'll deal with my problems how I want to, it's none of your concern. I don't mess in your personal life, but mess with mine."

Ryou looked at him again, his heart pounded, he loved the dark spirit every part of him, that I don't need anyone but myself attitude was what made him who he was; made him beautiful? Yes, loving? No. Even after Ryou's emotional outburst, he was still unmoved. Bakura was firm in who he was, everything or nothing at all, unlike Ryou who found it hard just to be himself. Ryou felt tears coming to his eyes again, his yami was all he had, but loving him was pointless. There was no love in him, so it seemed, and this was killing him, Ryou wanted to get free of the pain. He didn't need the love that wasn't there, he could move on.

* Swallow all you bitter pills,
That's what makes you beautiful
Your all or not…
I don't need what you ain't got.*

"Fine have it your way." Ryou said, rising from the bed and wiping his eyes.

"Where are you going?" Bakura asked, watching Ryou grab his guitar case and shove some clothes into a back pack.

"What do you care?" Ryou hissed threw clenched teeth, "You don't mess in my personal life remember?"

A strange expression appeared on Bakura's face, one Ryou had never seen before. "Aibou, please just…"

"Please what!" Ryou snapped, "Don't give me any of your dense lies, you couldn't make me stay if I wanted too."

"Where are you going to go?" Bakura yelled, slamming his fist down on the near by desk. "You belong here."

"Here?" Ryou muttered, putting down the pack and looking his darker right in the eyes, "Where's here? Where I belong, because it's certainly not this place anymore, maybe it was, but I think somehow it's gone somewhere else." He slung the pack on to his back and grabbed his guitar, walking out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. He followed the same process with the front door and ran out into the pouring rain and down the street. Behind him he could hear the front open and his yami call after him, but he ignored it. Tears flowed from his eyes and over his cheeks, mixing with the heavy rain and blurring his vision. His head and heart ached, he couldn't think straight, all he knew was that his emotions were to much and all mixed together in one confusing, swirling mass.

* I'm torn in pieces,
I'm blind and waiting for…
My heart is reeling,
I'm blind and waiting for you……

I'm blind and waiting for you,

I'm blind and waiting for you…*

He was in love and he wasn't, he was angry and he wasn't; terrified he was running and happy to be gone. He couldn't believe it had come to this. What the hell did he feel at all? Misery, a hate for life, a hate for love.

* Now I can't believe it's coming true.
God, It's good to be alive and I'm still here
Waiting for you…
And I can't believe it's coming true.
I'm blind and waiting for you………


Bakura: Ryou!! NO!!!
LYB: To bad for you.
Bakura: You're the authoress, help me out here!
LYB: You'll have to get him back on your own.
Bakura: *Sobs* But he'll listen to you!
Cyris: O_oU;;; There's nothing worst then a crying Yami.
LYB: Um, there, there big brother. Please read and review and tell me if you want to me to continue!