Author's Note: So this idea came to me while I literally cleaned shit off old people's clothes. Coincidence? You tell me.

Chapter One

Happy Birthday

"Hey Sassycakes, come take a body shot with me." Sakura wagged a finger at me, her newest boy toy.

"I told you not to call me that," I hissed. She just giggled like the pink-haired idiot she was. Why did I even put up with her? I blinked once, alcohol coursing through my veins and clouding my better judgment, and decided I wouldn't put up with the bitch any longer.

When you're young, you make a lot of mistakes. When you're drunk, you make more mistakes that are even stupider. When you're a celebrity, you're allowed to get away with a whole lot of mistakes. Put all three together and shit gets real.

"Hey, everybody listen up!" I shouted and stood on my barstool.

"Yo, birthday boy," Choji shouted.

"I have something I need to say to you guys." My voice slurred but I didn't give a shit. What I had to say was very important to hear. "I'm gay!"

The whole bar went silent and watched me with curious eyes. I glared at each and every one of them, daring them to say one mean thing to me. In a heartbeat I would have been the bane of their existence with my connections. But instead of libel and cruel slurs, I received a crescendo of laughter.

"What? The hell are you guys laughing at?"

"You think we haven't noticed?" Naruto sneered and slapped the counter. "Dude, the whole office park knows."

"Yeah, it was kind of obvious," Shikamaru added. "What other guy would pay so much attention to their appearance?"

"You're all a bunch of assholes," I grumbled.

"You cuss way too much when you're—"

"Sasuke!" Sakura yanked me down from my well-deserved throne. "What do you mean 'gay'?"

"I like dicks!" A few people in earshot laughed with me. Sakura blushed and sputtered. "How more in-depth do you want me to go? I prefer my dick in an ass not—"

"Okay, okay! I—I didn't mean it like that, Sasuke," she said. She ducked her head and blushed some fluorescent shade of red. I saw tears build up in her reddening eyes but couldn't care. She was a bit of a whore anyway so maybe she deserved it. "God, you're such an ass, Sasuke!" She sobbed and raised a hand to slap me, but a blonde friend of hers grabbed her around the waist and guided her around me, followed by two more of the alien race that was the female.

"Dick," she muttered.


After the pack of girls left I turned to my friends. We laughed, clinked our beers together, and started to prepare ourselves for the coming night.

"To being twenty-one, gay, and free of my bitch of an ex-girlfriend!" I pumped a shot glass into the air and heard everyone around me shout their assent.

The next hour was spent responding to a host of people asking me about my next article like I would actually tell them a damn thing. Most of them wanted to know if I was going to cover Kid Watergate as the most recent major scandal had been dubbed. I wanted to ask them why I would bash some pathetic politician everyone else was having their way with but kept that to myself. They would just have to wait until the article came out this Tuesday. Right now it was a Thursday I didn't want to be far from, so I pushed work out of my mind.

"Getting a little chubby, huh Sasuke?" TenTen poked me in the side as she saddled herself against the wall next to me. I was relaxing between karaoke songs.

"Tch, shut it," I glared.

"Well, I guess it comes with the territory," she said and shrugged her shoulders. "All writers do is sit on their ass, am I right?" She smiled and laughed with me before lightly punching me in the arm.

"Yeah, I know you're just messing with me. It's been a while since we've talked. How's your dojo coming along?"

"Really good! It's gotten a lot more popular since Lee jumped in to help me out with the karate classes."

"I imagine a dojo solely for weapons sparring might not be too popular in Japan," I laughed.

"It's not fair." She pouted at this and shrugged. "Oh, and Lee is having everyone call him Rock Lee. Can you believe it?" We both laughed at this and shook our heads.

"Only Lee. And you and Neji?"

"Our three year anniversary is coming up in two months." Her face softened at the mention of her boyfriend. I couldn't help but feel more than happy for her. She deserved a decent person.

"And he hasn't proposed yet?" I cocked an eyebrow, causing TenTen to flush scarlet and sputter in response.

"Wh—Why would he do something like that? Has he said something to you? He hasn't bought like a ring or anything, right? I thought I made it clear I don't want to marry!"

"Hey, hey, hey! Relax, TenTen, I was just making a joke." I raised my hands in defeat. "I know how you feel about marriage." I shrugged a shoulder in sympathy and tapped her on the arm with the back of my hand.

"But he seems good for you. Keep this one."

"What about you?!" She straightened up at this and shot me an accusatory glance.

"What do you mean?" I almost blushed at her words, knowing exactly what she meant.

"I mean, how are you and your recent conquests? Find anyone special?"

"No, I haven't," I said in a sigh and scratched the back of my head. "I've actually been stuck on this one girl for a couple weeks but I finally let her go tonight."

"I imagine. So you came out? And I didn't even know! I thought we were best friends," she said. I shrugged and looked up to meet her playful brown eyes. "Nah, whatever makes you happy. So was she a real bitch?"

"Totally. Materialistic, preppy, self-centered, and horny as fuck."

TenTen wiggled her brows at me.

"I—I'm not that way!" She laughed and swatted her hand at me.

"Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that. Denial's only the first stage and it's been this way since middle school," she trailed off. I blushed and glared at her.

That was the moment I happened to glance over at the front door of the tiny bar. He strolled in like it was no big deal, like he hadn't sucked all of the air from the room in two seconds flat, like he wasn't some hell-sent fallen angel ripe for the picking. His black tresses fell from the loose pony tail knocking against his back and covered his dark eyes. With high set cheekbones, pale skin to rival my own, and a slender build fit for fucking I couldn't help but let out a little sound at the sight of him. He looked too romantic for his own good. It was like he hit the slow-motion button, but then TenTen hit fast-forward and I lost him in the throng all too quickly.

"Ooh, Sasuke got some eye candy!"

"Shut the hell up!" I screeched in a very manly voice. Yeah. A voice like Sakura's was very manly.

"Go say hi, go say hi!" She put her hands to my back and shoved me in the direction we last saw the sexy beast.

"No, stop it, TenTen! Please!"

Somehow he was too easy to find. I awkwardly plopped into the seat across from him at one of the tall tables in the middle of the bar and jammed my hands together beneath the glass. I looked up at him and laughed nervously. He cocked a thin eyebrow at me and I nearly lost control of myself. How could someone be so Goddamn sexy? He was practically delectable and that was coming from a self-proclaimed playboy!

"Do you need something?"

Your dick.

"Uh, u—um, do you want me to buy you a drink?" I almost slapped myself. When did that ever work on someone as high class as him? Even I would have declined an offer like that from me, Mr. Self-Centered the Horny Bastard, Sexiest Man Alive (according to certain magazines), house Son of a Bitch.

"Why not?"

My skin burned and fell away from my face. Did he seriously just accept my pitiful excuse of an advance? I had to pinch the inside of my thigh (ah shit, wrong thing to do near a guy like this) to keep from falling out of my seat. When the first buds of hardness tickled my stomach and stirred to life in my jeans I knew I was screwed if he wasn't up for some homoerotic play. This never happened. No guy ever turned me on so quickly. I was supposed to be the tempter.

"Okay," I said. Good. Minimal progress. But certainly less pathetic than swooning over him.

I called a waitress over, ordered what he wanted, and when I turned around he was leaning across the table, face to face with me. Our noses nearly touched and I could feel his breath tickle my lips. Oh God, I wanted his breath to tickle other, more intimate things.

"I'm not good with verbal foreplay," he said. "Feel like finishing up and getting out of here?" I nodded fervently, not trusting myself to speak like a normal human being. He smiled complacently and sat down in his seat once more, sipping at his drink.

I glanced over at TenTen and saw her give me a double thumbs up. She shook her ass at me and then turned around to pay someone else attention. I looked back at this beautiful man and smiled. I felt more comfortable knowing I'd be getting what I wanted tonight.

"What's your name?"

"Itachi. You?"


He nodded and started a conversation I wouldn't be able to remember the next day. Now that I was more confident in myself I could easily carry a decent topic with him. After a few minutes of small talk neither of us really cared for (except I actually did) he grabbed my hand and started to lead me to the entrance. This was the best birthday ever. I blushed when he opened the passenger door of his fancy car for me and sank inside without a breath in my lungs. How had I landed such a hotty? He drove me to a luxury apartment complex in Tokyo. Inside his apartment was filled with classy paintings, beautiful décor, and the plushest furniture I ever touched. He sat on the couch and I copied him, though I didn't know what to do with myself. I was nervous for the first time in years. Literally. Did I mention this was the best birthday ever?

"What do you do to live in a place like this?" I looked around in awe. This was some high class shit. Even I didn't live in a place like this and people sent me money because they felt like it.

"I work for the NPA."

"Do you know how many people have used that to try and get in my pants?" I smirked.

"You're pretty much already hooked and I didn't have to say a thing," he said. I blushed. "So, you're the Sasuke, huh?" I nodded.

"Yup. That's me." I felt awkward now, uneasy with scratching the surface of my local popularity.

"I must be lucky to have landed the Mucracker."

"Don't say that. Everyone is always comparing me to my articles like I'm not an actual person. They look at me and all they see is Today's Mucracker: This Week. That's not the only thing there is to me." I leaned over and breathed against his ear when I said this, lifting myself up to straddle him. I laced my arms around his neck lazily and teased the hardness in his pants with my own. "You ready to see this side of me?" I closed my eyes and grinded harder against him, losing my own patience. Damn this guy made me want it. He grabbed my hips and bucked his hips into mine. I tossed my head back and moaned at the amazing friction.

"That escalated quickly," he breathed.

I smiled and leaned in to place my lips on his, excited for the fuck of my life. I just knew I would never forget the birthday present he was going to give me.