Author's Note: So that last chapter was short. I know. That's because it was leading up to the grand finale. Yes, folks. This is the last chapter of Five Times Jim Was An Idiot. I know that a lot of you readers are going to be sad, but if you want me to write you anything, just send me a PM. I am happy to take offers. But alas. We must get on with the story.

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. Only the idea. The characters all belong to Gene Roddenberry, J.J. Abrams, and Paramount Pictures.


"Don't leave me on Delta Vega!"

Jim Kirk sat up with a start. His dreams had been... odd, to say the least. He had been back on Delta Vega, running from the red creature that had chased him with much so enthusiasm. But as Jim sat up and took in his surroundings, he became even more confused. He was in a cell with Nyota Uhura on his left and Leonard H. McCoy on his right.

"Finally. Sleeping Beauty's awake."

Jim turned his head towards his friend, taking in the black eye and cut on the Doctor's brow.

"Good to see you too, Bones. What happened?" Kirk yawned and rubbed his eyes, forcing the sleep out of them.

"Klingons. They attacked us while we were trying to fix the power. Like you said, we were sitting ducks. They came out of nowhere and were on us like wolves. We were thrown down here in case we tried to rally everyone else to fight back." Leonard gestured around the cell with his hands, growing more frustrated the longer he spoke.

"Where's Spock?" Jim asked looking around the small cell.

"He was knocked out when they first beamed aboard. My guess is, they have him on the bridge so they can keep an eye on him." As McCoy finished what he was saying, Jim looked over at Nyota, noticing the depressed expression on her face.

"Don't worry, Uhura. We'll get Spock back. Now tell me what we have to work with." Jim looked expectantly at his two friends and getting no good reaction, he came to conclusion that they had nothing to work with. "Okay. That's fine. I've worked without anything before."

"And how did that work out?" Doctor McCoy asked, knowing that ideas that Jim came up with didn't always have their desired effect.

"Not that great," Jim said before quickly adding, "But that was a while ago. I'm a more mature man than I was back then."

Jim turned around, faced the wall, and started to feel around.

"What the hell are you doing?" Uhura asked angrily, speaking for the first time.

"I'm trying... ungh... to find... the... accessing... wires... They... are behind... one of these... panels..." With a final grunt, Kirk found the panel and pulled off the outer layer. Inside, there were many wires of all colors. From fuchsia to navy blue, the colors were mesmerizing.

"You do know what you're doing right?" Nyota was afraid that Kirk would do something to make their whole position worse.

"Of course I know what I'm doing. I'm not just a dumb hick who only has sex with farm animals." Kirk turned back to the wires and studied them for a moment before grabbing the blue one nearest him and pulling it out. On the opposite wall, an entrance to the Jefferies Tunnels opened. Jim slid across the space between him and the tube. As he started to climb in, he looked back at McCoy and Nyota and gave them both a meaningful glance.

"Let's go kick some Klingon ass!" Surprisingly, it was Nyota who said this. She elbowed McCoy out of the way and motioned for Kirk to keep going and he started shuffling through the opening.

After around five minutes, Bones called out, asking how much farther it was to the bridge.

"Not much farther," Jim replied. "We just have to make a quick stop and then we can head for the bridge."

"What are we grabbing?" Uhura asked.

"Some phasers," Kirk answered. "Perhaps a Klingon disrupter."

"Okay, but let's hurry," she replied. She didn't have to say it out loud, but the two men could tell that she was thinking about Spock.

After grabbing their supplies from the weapons room, the three crawled back in the Jefferies Tunnels and headed in the direction of the bridge. It took them three minutes to find the right tunnel and another five to get to the Bridge. From where they were in the Jefferies Tunnels, they had a perfect view of the bridge and all of its occupants. Nyota almost cried out and gave away their location when she saw Spock, but regained her composure quickly. He was slumped over in front of the view screen with his hands tied behind his back. The worst thing that could be seen from their hiding spot was a huge, green colored welt on the right side of his head. Even from his position in the tunnels, nearly 20 feet away, Kirk could see Spock's labored breaths, the unsteady rise and fall of his chest. Jim took his eyes off of Spock and settled them on the rest of the people on the bridge. From where he was, Jim could see eight Klingons in total.

Kirk motioned for McCoy and Uhura and then quietly told them the plan. The goal was to sneak out of the tunnels and shoot whoever they could. They would either beat them or die trying. On the count of three, the group jumped out and started shooting. The closest five went down before the Klingons knew what was happening. While Kirk went for the captain, the other two Klingons went for Uhura and Bones. After a few minutes of blows going back and forth, the fight ended with Uhura, Bones, and Kirk as the winners.

As Jim, started to speak to Bones, Uhura rushed over to Spock's side and was relieved to see that the cut wasn't bleeding anymore. As the captain unlocked all of the doors and the crew was finally able to get back to their jobs, McCoy went over and checked on Spock, pulling out the tricorder he had grabbed when they had visited the weapons room.

"What are we going to do with these Klingons?" Bones asked, nodding his head towards the knocked out attackers.

Jim just waved his hand. "They're Starfleet's problem once we get back to Earth. We can stick them in the brig until we get home."

Jim then turned around to see a few of the medical personnel carrying Spock down to Sick Bay.

Bones seemed to read his mind and answered the unspoken question. "Spock will be fine. He just had a pretty bad blow to the head and a cut. We can fix him up in so time. Now. Let's get you back to Sick Bay. I still have to finish checking you over."

"Do you really think that's necessary?" Kirk asked, and innocent grin on his face.

"Get your ass down to Sick Bay before I hypo you to New Vulcan." Leonard put his hands on his waist in a way that was both manly and frustrating at the same time.

"Okay, okay. Jeeze, Bones. You need to get a girlfriend. Or somebody to get laid. All this stress is not good for..." McCoy cut Jim off with a glare.

"We are not talking about this. Not now, not ever. Period. You got that?"

Kirk mock saluted before heading down to Sick Bay.

"He can be a real idiot." McCoy turned to see Uhura standing beside him, her gaze a little vacant, but better than it had been when she had no idea what was happening to Spock. For a moment, Bones wondered why she wasn't down in Sick Bay with Spock, but he then remembered that Spock didn't like Nyota seeing him hurt or weak.

"What was that sweetheart?"

"The Captain. He can be a real idiot sometimes." Nyota looked in the direction of where their captain had departed to leave the bridge.

"Sure he can be sometimes, but this time, that pain in the ass just saved our life. I gotta hand it to him; he sure can work with nothing." Bones was surprised. Not only did Kirk manage to defeat the Klingons, but he also didn't kill any of them.

"So you knew he would defeat the Klingons?" Nyota looked at the doctor curiously.

"Not in the beginning. I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes. But don't tell him I said that. I could be court martialed for that."

Nyota drew a cross over her heart. "You can trust me. Cross my heart and hope to die." Nyota paused. "Although I'd rather not die," she finished.

The two started laughing for a moment before McCoy spoke up. "I better get back to Sick Bay. I can't wait to see who Kirk's hitting on this time. It had better not be Chapel again. She said that she'd transfer if he hit on her again. Well good luck, darlin' and see ya later."

With a quick nod of his head, Leonard excused himself for the room and headed towards Sick Bay.


Oh my FUCKING god. I am soo sorry for not updating sooner. I've been so busy with school and other afterschool activates. Well anyway, this is the last chapter, so I hope you guys like it. And look at that. Christine Chapel actually did transfer. Probably because of Kirk and his relentless flirting. I swear. That man will be the death of the human race. All it takes is one bad fuck, and we could be in an intergalactic war. Am I the only one to say that that would be cool to watch? Not to partake in, but to just watch it and admire the special effects it took to create the whole war scene? Any who, I need to stop my useless rant and just allow this story to sink in. And the fact that it is over. I am still so sorry for not updating sooner. Well, I just have one last thing to say. Goodbye until I write or update a new story.