Author's note: Okay, so this the the first fic I ever wrote. I wrote it a long time ago, right after 'Fear Her' aired. This was when I discovered I liked writing.
Rose couldn't sleep. So many things were running through her head. The words of the Beast, the fear in the Doctor's eyes lately, and this growing dread in the pit of her stomach. The Doctor had been right earlier that evening.
A storm is approaching.
She knew he felt it too, and that somehow solidified it. This horrible knowledge that her time with him was coming to an end. She walked the TARDIS corridors in her bare feet and pajamas. She felt the slightly warm floor under her feet and the familiar pulsing of the engines. Almost a heartbeat. The familiar hum buzzing in her ears, less like white noise, and more like a soothing song.
She realized her feet had brought her to the library (or maybe the TARDIS had brought her. She wasn't quite sure). The Doctor was sitting in one of the overstuffed red chairs in front of the fireplace, wearing his glasses, and looking intently at a large book. She walked quietly over and sat on the arm of the chair. He looked up at her and smiled briefly before turning back to the book. Looking down at the object of his attention, Rose saw that it was a photo album. The pictures were clearly from an alien planet. Rose didn't recognize the plants in the beautiful gardens or the smooth sleek architecture. The people wore colorful robes and some wore head dresses. The Doctor focused on one page in particular with a nostalgic, melancholy look on his face. The pictures were of the a man in maybe his mid-thirties and a little boy. There were pictures of seemingly the same two people over time. Then she remembered.
I was a dad once.
And she understood. This was Gallifrey. The man was the Doctor and the boy was his son. "He's adorable," she said softly.
The Doctor gave a small smile. "His name was Kenneric. You would have liked him."
He knew she would. Ever since he had mentioned to her about being a father he hadn't been able to stop reminiscing. He started thinking what it would have been like if Rose had been Kenneric's mother. (had he had a mother)
"Wife?" asked Rose, as if reading his mind.
"No," he said. "He didn't have a mother."
"What happened to her?"
"No, I mean he didn't have a mother."
Rose was looking utterly confused. "Gallifreyan's had a different way of making children," he explained. "Natural birth was very rare."
"How did they do it then?" she asked.
"Looms? Like for fabric?"
"Sort of, except this was for DNA. They took random DNA samples and made children out of them, then they would contact the person whose DNA was used and asked if they wanted to raise the child."
"What if they didn't?" asked Rose.
"Then they would be sent to a rearing center, where they would be adopted or just raised there."
The Doctor caught Rose's expression of pity. "It wasn't, like, an orphanage or anything! It was a huge facility, like a boarding house, but bigger. I was raised in one actually. It's just a bit impersonal. Like everything else with the Time Lords tended to be," he added.
"Were you made on a loom?" Rose asked. She hardly believed what she was saying. She tried to picture what one would look like, but the concept was so foreign, her brain didn't know where to start.
"No," said the Doctor, his voice taking on a sudden serious tone. "My mother was human."
Rose was amazed. She never would have guessed. The Doctor was half human?!
"But," he added, coming back to himself. "I had all the human DNA engineered out of me in the womb. They thought it was so scandalous that a Time Lord would get involved in the human activity of sex, let alone taint the Time Lord bloodline, that they never even let me meet my father, and my mother died shortly after the birth."
"I'm sorry," said Rose, putting a comforting hand on his thigh.
"Oh, it's alright," he said, making a show of shrugging it off.
They sat in a comfortable silence for a while as the Doctor turned the pages. His son grew up and got married. They had a daughter. Susan, the Doctor said her name was. She had a natural birth. There where pictures of the four of them. The Doctor, Kenneric, his wife Milisandia, and Susan. The Doctor's hair was turning white. Rose smiled. It was amazing how easy she found it to believe that the handsome young-looking man sitting next to her was once a wrinkly old man. Eventually, though, the pictures were just of the Doctor and Susan. No Kenneric. No Milisandia. The Doctor's face grew more solemn as he turned the pages. "They died," he said, because he knew what she was thinking. "Their TARDIS broke down mid-flight," Rose could hear the pain in his voice. "They were thrown into the vortex. I raised Susan on my own after that."
Rose didn't say anything. She just slid closer to him on the chair and put her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. He was grateful for that. She always knew exactly what he needed, exactly when he needed it. The Doctor put his arm around her in return, and held her close. They just sat there like that for a while.
Rose contemplated all the Doctor had just shared with her. He'd never opened up like that before. She could understand why. He'd lost so much. Talking about it, even thinking about it must be so painful for him. She began to cry for him in spite of herself.
The Doctor could feel the little sobs escaping Rose as she buried her face in his chest. He held her tighter and pressed a kiss into her hair. He knew she was crying for him and it made his hearts break. She was crying because he couldn't, crying for all he'd lost. And now he had this horrible fear that he was going to lose her too. That she would be taken from him far too soon, and the thought made him sick inside. From the moment he'd met her she'd stolen his hearts and he'd fallen so fast he didn't see it coming. It terrified him. He hated himself for being so afraid, for not having the courage to just tell her. So scared to lose, that he was too cowardly to love. But now he felt a shadow approaching. A force threatening to tear her away from him.
The valiant child who will die in battle so very soon.
He held her closer. Cursing himself for all the chances he let pass by, all the kisses he could have given her. No more, he resolved. No more running. Whatever little time they may have he was going to make the most of it. "I don't want to lose you," he murmured into her hair. His voice was weaker and scratchier that expected, and he realized he'd begun to cry.
"You won't," she was crying into his neck. "Never." She was lying. They both knew it, but they let it pass.
The Doctor pulled back from her, looking into her eyes. He ran the backs of his fingers over her cheek and straitened them to cup her face. "Rose," he said brushing a tear away with his thumb. "I'm so sorry."
She looked confused for a moment. "For what?"
"For not doing this sooner."
And she felt his lips crash down on hers, kissing her slowly and passionately, stealing the breath from her as he explored her mouth with his tongue. When they broke apart they were both breathing heavily, their eyes only half open, their heads spinning.
"I'll forgive you on one condition," Rose said breathlessly.
For a moment he didn't know what she meant, then he remembered the apology just before he kissed her. "Yeah? What's that?" he asked just as breathless.
"Do that again!" she said barely finishing the sentence before taking it upon herself to kiss him again, pulling his head down and bringing hers up to meet him halfway.
The kiss was more insistent this time, more hungry. Their tongues mingled together as he ran his hands up her back entangling one in her hair. The Doctor felt a moan escape his throat. "Rose," was all he could say. He was becoming increasingly aware of how small this chair was and how limited their positions were.
When they finally broke apart, they were breathing hard and ragged. Rose had wanted this for so long. She'd loved him for so long. And now it was finally happening. "Doctor, I lo-" she felt his fingertips on her lips, stopping her.
"No," he said, and she felt her heart plummet. "I won't let you do that." He was looking into her eyes, an unreadable and serious expression on his face. "I made a decision," he continued, "and I'm going to follow through. Rose Tyler..." she waited. "I love you." He was smiling now. A beautiful affectionate smile.
Rose beamed and threw her arms around him, frantically placing un-aimed kisses on his face and neck. "I love you too!" she said between kisses. "I love you too!"
He grinned his big dopey grin and kissed her back. "I love you," he said again as he kissed her. "I love you so much. I always have." It was strange. It had been so hard to make himself say these three little words, but now he couldn't stop saying it. And it still felt like they couldn't hope to convey to her how he really felt. He had five billion languages and there were no words in any of them that described what he felt for her.
Rose tried to move so they could be closer. Never once removing her lips from his, she moved to straddle the Doctor's lap. He kissed her feverishly, moving his hands down her back to settle on her, hips. They moved against each other, hands roaming, lips and tongues exploring. She could feel his arousal growing against her. "Rose," he said breaking away and looking at her through dark hooded eyes. "What do you want?" his tone was serious. He was asking for permission.
Rose took his face in her hands. "I want you," she said simply. "Just you."
The Doctor smiled warmly and kissed her again, simultaneously picking her up as he stood. Rose gave a little squeal of delight at the sudden movement, and he chuckled. He carried her off toward his room. What ever time they had left, he thought, at least they would always have this night.