A/N: I still don't owe any of The Big Bang theory characters. I don't owe qute I used in summary either: I first read simmilar quote in other fanfic (I notified author about that) and looked up for it online. I don't know who ows it, since author is unkown, but I don't. This story takes place in season 5, on the day when Priya moves back to India.
This story is sequel to my Big Bang theory fanfiction "I don't want to let you go", but these fics can easily be read separately.
Please forgive any minor grammatical or spelling errors, English is not my native language. I tried to keep this grammatically correct, but you never know.
Read and enjoy :)
He sat at his desk, trying to focus on work.
He needed to get this project done as soon as possible. And he definitely needed something to keep his mind occupied... Something else than her.
But it didn't work. Nothing worked, and once again, he needed to take a break. All that was simply too much for him.
She moved back to India. OK. Many women he loved abandoned him. But never the woman whom he loved not only because of her body, but because... well, everything about her. And never the woman who was dating with his friend, and she still is, definitely never a woman who moved back in completely other part of a world today, and definitely never a woman whom he loved, and still loves, for six years, while he, in the same time, never made courage to even hint her his real feelings towards her.
Bernadette is a great girl. No doubt about that. She is pretty, cute, intelligent, she loves him, understands him, she is helping him...
But she is not the right one...
He tried to convince himself that she is the right one, that he loves her on same way he loves Priya, that he doesn't love Priya anymore, he really did... He even proposed to her, and she agreed... And Priya was there, only few feet away, and he felt he would give everything just when she would be on Bernadette's place at that moment...
But she wasn't... And she will never be...
Why he never told her how he feels? When she came back after five years, he could easily do that. He actually promised to himself, few days before, that he will do that, despite pinky swear he made with Leonard five years ago, despite the fact that he is dating with Bernadette... but he couldn't. He simply couldn't. He was a coward, that's what he was and that's what he is now. And, after she moved back to India, he found out that Leonard slept with her...
He wanted to scream at him, cry, hit him, he wanted to do all that crazy stuff, but something hold him back and he didn't, he simply suffered in silence, like now...
If he told her what he feels six years ago, maybe they would be together now... Even if she turned him down, at least he would know that he tried, at least he would know that she knows how he feels about her, but no... He thought it's stupid to tell that to girl who just traveled from completely other part of the world, girl who he just meet and who is also his best friend's sister. He also thought he is too young and immature to feel (and know) the true love, he thought that she is too, probably (despite her obvious intelligence), he also believed that so smart and beautiful girl can't possibly feel same way towards him, and that by doing so, he would only embarrass himself and get in a fight with Raj. So he staid quiet, even made a pinky swear with Leonard, stating that none of them will ever try to "woo" Priya.
He still remembers the day when he first meet her. So clear, so real, like it was yesterday...
April 12th 2005. Three of them-Sheldon, he and Leonard-were siting at their table in Bob's Big Toy, Toluca Lake, eating lunch. Sheldon was eating patty melt, he was eating tuna salad and cheesecake, Leonard was eating french fries with cheese and cheeseburger.
"When will Raj be back?", he asked.
"I don't know", Leonard replied. "He said he'll be back with Priya in an hour... Oh, here he is!-he said, noticing Raj from distance, coming in through front doors with someone, walking towards them.
"Hey guys", Raj said when he walked toward their table. "I'm back. This is my baby sister Priya", he said, introducing her.
Howard knew he is staring at her, but he couldn't help himself. She was simply beautiful, so beautiful... She was wearing casual clothing-white T-shirt, red shorts and brown sandals. She had long legs with smooth, caramel-toned skin and beautiful black hair falling down her shoulders and her nicely developed chests. But what amazed him the most were her eyes. They were dark and deep, but still so innocent and warm, clear... honest...
When he somehow managed to look away, she was already siting at their table. Right next to him. Raj also sat at their table, opposite to Priya.
"She is here for the first time", Raj explained.
"Yes, I am", she said. "And I really like it here."
She sat at their desk, right next to her. Raj sat at their desk too, opposite to her. Waitress walked towards them, noticing Priya.
"Any new orders?", she asked.
"Raj will have a cheeseburger", Priya said, gesturing on Raj. "I will have Big Boy's super hamburger."
"Little bit of Hindu rebellion, huh?", he couldn't help but notice.
She just chuckled.
"Raj put me up on that", she later said.
Raj's face turned red.
And then she talked, about her life in India, and dreams, and plans for future, (occasionally being interrupted by Sheldon who couldn't help himself but correcting some of her sentences and bringing up some trivial stuff about something she mentioned) and he was listening, realizing, with every other word, what amazing girl she is.
After finishing their meals, they all went in their own directions, and he saw Priya siting at empty table in very corner of a room, watching through big window on wall next to the table.
He sat next to her. He didn't know why, he just did.
"What are you doing?", he asked.
"Watching stars", she replied, her looks still focused on Pasadena's night sky.
He looked through window too. Despite wanting to be astronaut since childhood and being best friend with astrophysicist, he never studied stars closely.
"You can see them much clearly in India", she said. "But they are still beautiful, no matter where."
"Why do you like them so much?", he simply couldn't resist.
"Because when there is dark outside, when there is night, no matter how dark, no matter in which part of a world, something will always shine. Them. They remind me on good things in life."
"I don't think you need that", he said. "You are from rich family who loves you, have plans for future, opportunities..."
"It's not all that perfect", she said, finally looking at him.
"Like what?", he asked.
"I am still alone", she said, gently holding his right hand, dozing into his eyes.
It only lasted for few seconds, there was no enough time for anything else to happen, because Raj called her to see something and she quickly walked away.
After that night, he barely even spoke to her, even made that stupid pinky swear with Leonard. But, while he was watching her going into a plane, with Raj by his side, he felt something heavy in his chest, and something pressed his throat and he could barely say a word. But he believed it's nothing serious.
It's just a crush. Don't worry. You experienced that before. You know you can't have her. Forget about her. It will pass.
He was so stupid.
And now, she is gone. She is thousand miles away from him, probably having time of her life and not even thinking about him. He can't have her; she just broke up with Leonard, he can't, he mustn't do that to Bernadette, girl like him never loved guy like him and she never will, and he will probably never see her again, because he missed his chance, his only chance, if there ever was any. But he would give everything, oh he would, if only he could see her beautifully dark, warm eyes again, just one more time.
That was last thing he managed to say, in soft whisper, like he is afraid for somebody to hear it, the last thing he managed to whisper before his voice became too weak for talking, before he felt that words, right now, simply hurt him too much. Doors were opened, anybody could walk by and see him, but he didn't care, he simply let his tears roll down his face, secretly hoping that maybe, when his eyes get cleaner and drier, he may see her eyes again.