"I'm….I'm so tired." Bella started to close her eyes. I was standing there and it felt like my heart was in my throat. Don't freak out Edward, don't freak out.
"Baby…don't go back to sleep the doctor's coming." I went and sat down beside her.
"So…so tired." She mumbled.
"I know sweetheart just try to stay awake for me." I was afraid she would go back to sleep and not wake up again.
"I'll go and make sure the doctor is coming." Embry backed out of the room. He looked as pale as I did but we didn't correct Bella. It wouldn't be right; maybe she's just a little confused. No need to freak her out. I didn't even want to tell her she had been asleep for over forty days yet, that was likely to freak her out as well. Doctor Smith would be here soon and then she would have all the answers.
"All right Bella, I just want you to breathe out on the count of three." Dr. Smith was removing Bella's catheter. I felt her squeezing my hand; Bella always assumed pain. I saw her cringe and I knelt down and kissed her forehead.
"Great job, you may feel some discomfort for a couple of days but it shouldn't be anything too serious."
Dr. Smith was nice enough to remove all of Bella's IV's and stuff first before dealing with anything else. She knew that Bella hated needles in the past and wanted to make her comfortable before continuing on with an examination and questions.
Dr. Smith sat down next to Bella and pulled out her flashlight. "Let me check your eyes." She flashed the light in to Bella's eyes. "Any discomfort or pain?"
"I feel fatigued and stiff. I just want to sleep." She mumbled.
"Well, I will be done in a minute and then you can take a nap." Dr. Smith suggested.
"Are you sure that's okay? Her going back to sleep so soon?" I asked anxious.
"Edward, she's awake now. There should be no problem. Bella, what is the last thing you remember?"
Bella was silent and looked to be in thought. I was hoping that now she had been awake for a little while she would remember more.
"I had just taken Embry to Passages, I came home and I think I wanted to take a nap; I felt tired. Edward had made a steak salad and I remember eating it and then I wanted to lay down. Edward said he would watch Savannah and Gracie. I went to sleep and when I woke up I was here. I don't even know where here is. This room doesn't look familiar…I'm just...everything is so different."
"That's okay Bella. Why don't you lay down for a little while and when you wake up Edward will help you take a nice warm bath." Dr. Smith looked over to me pointedly and she rose up from the bed. I didn't know what to do; I was starting to feel nauseous. How long was this going to last? Bella was awake. I kept chanting that in my head over and over. She was awake and that's all I needed.
"I'll be right back sweetheart. Why don't you just rest, I have the baby monitor with me if you need anything just call for me." I kissed her head once more and walked out with Dr. Smith. As I was passing the end table I picked up a framed 8x10 picture of us and took it with me. The picture was taken last Christmas and it had our three babies in it. I didn't think it would do well to drop that bombshell on her yet.
Jacob and Embry were on the landing near our room when I exited with Dr. Smith.
"Embry just told me. What's going on?" Jacob asked panicked.
I looked over to Dr. Smith, since I still couldn't grasp what was going on.
"Bella has a mild form of amnesia; at this point my advice is to take things slow. Her mind seems to be blocking the past couple of years. The last thing she really remembers is taking Embry to rehabilitation. Slowly reintroduce things back into her life, she may have only been asleep for the past forty-five days but in her mind she will have been asleep for the past five years. That kind of information could scare her. As much as you moved her and tried to keep her body from atrophy it will still take a week or two for her to be able to walk confidently. Keep her diet liquid based for a couple of days to help her stomach adjust. Soup, yogurt, jello that type of thing. Remember that. I will of course have my phone near if you should need me."
We said our farewells to Dr. Smith and then started to discuss among us the best plan of action.
"She's tired right now, when I wake her I want to bathe her and then I will break the news that she was in a coma. I will try my best to inform her that she has amnesia. At this point all topics regarding the triplets are off the table. I think that will freak her out the most." I said.
"What about Savannah and Gracie?" Embry asked.
"Let me see how well it goes when I talk to her. If I am able to inform her that her mind is missing five years of information then I think we can reintroduce her to Savannah and Gracie; if she feels up to it."
"Wait, hold on. Let's not try to decide anything today. Maybe you should just try to make the rest of today and tonight comfortable for her and then slowly relay information to her but you need to tell her about Masen, Roman and Venice. She has a right to know." Jacob advised.
"Not yet. Bella will flip her shit. How would you feel if you woke up and missed five years of your life and we brought your children to you and said hey here are your babies sorry you don't remember a thing about them? I mean it Jacob, not a word." I threatened.
"All right calm down you two. Look, we need to do what's best for Bella." Embry started.
"No, I need to do what's best for Bella. I will not push back her recovery because you feel the need for shock therapy." I said to Jacob.
"She has a right to know." Jacob defended.
"Not now. For now I just want to keep things as simple as possible. Do not tell anyone outside our circle of Bella's condition; if the media knew it could cause problems."
"What problems?" Jacob asked.
"Eventually Bella is going to leave the house, people could take advantage of her missed memories and give her false information that could lead to harm. We keep this undisclosed for as long as possible. Tell Renee tomorrow I just want to spend a little time with her tonight."
"Go do what you gotta do, man." Embry said with a slap to my back.
I quietly opened the door and walked into our bedroom. I went over to Bella and leaned over her. I wanted to check and see how she was sleeping. I hated that she was asleep again, I'm afraid that it will take some time before Bella could go to sleep without me worrying. Bella opened an eye and we both pushed back in shock.
"Edward, you scared the crap out me." She scolded.
"I'm sorry, honey. I was just checking on you. How are you feeling?"
"I'm still tired but I have to ask what is going on? Where are we? Why are you so worried?" she asked.
"Sweetheart, would you like me to draw you a bath?" I asked.
"Edward, stop trying to distract me."
"Baby, I will tell you while we bathe okay?"
She nodded slowly. I rose up and went over to the bathtub and started the water. I pulled off my clothes except for my boxers and walked back over to Bella. I pulled the covers off of her and helped her into a sitting position. I pulled her gown off of her and helped pick her up as I carried her toward the bathroom. It was something I had to do many times over our years together but there was this one time that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
She looked up to me, the tears had started to dry and she now had vacant look upon her face.
"I'm ready to go home now." Her voice was haunting. Like she had just done her job and now she was ready for the commute home.
I pushed through the throngs of people to get my Bella out of the Staples Center and toward our limo. I needed to get my poor girl home. I knew it was a bad idea to let her perform tonight but she was adamant. It would definitely be a performance that people would talk of for years to come.
Marcus was able to help her out of her dress enough for me to take her. The dress that Bella had helped Marcus design was one of the biggest dresses I had ever seen. Black material for days. She needed two people to help her into place when it came time for her performance. I pulled Bella to me and kissed her head and she leaned on me. We didn't say a word on that drive home.
We arrived at our home and I helped her up to our bedroom and out of her clothes. I was a little surprised that she wasn't crying. Bella always felt safe to breakdown in our bedroom. But nothing came. It was February 8th and we were supposed to be getting married in five days. I remember being shocked when Bella announced that she wanted to get married on Friday the thirteenth. I tried to talk her out of it stating it was a bad luck day but she insisted that we would make our own luck; plus she knew that it would be an easy day to remember, she worried about not being able to remember our anniversary in the future.
Now, I didn't know if we would make it to the altar. I kissed her head one last time and laid down beside her.
The next day came and Bella stayed in bed. She wouldn't talk, she would just stare. I tried to remain patient but I demanded that the very least she would eat some soup; she only did so after I threatened to have Dr. Smith hook her up to a feeling tube. She looked at me and drank the whole sipper of soup I brought for her never stopping for a break. When she was done she just laid back down and went to sleep.
Day two and still the same.
"Edward, I think you officially need to call it off. She needs this time." Jacob said.
We were in the kitchen and I knew he was right. Part of me was hoping by some miracle that Bella would have snapped out of it but I was being naive.
"Can you do it? I don't think I can, just call Emily and tell her to notify everyone that our wedding has been officially cancelled."
I leaned over the sink and balled up my fists. I wasn't mad at Bella; hell I wasn't even mad at Charlie. My baby was in pain and right now what I needed to do was be there for her in whatever capacity she needed me.
"I got it." Jacob replied. "Embry is flying in; he should be here in two hours or so."
I nodded. "Okay. I'm going to try and get Bella to bathe. She hasn't since the Grammy's; can you do me a favor and change our sheets?"
Jacob nodded, "Yeah, no problem."
I turned around and headed upstairs. I walked into our room and saw Bella laying in bed still staring out the window. I walked over to the bathroom and started the bath stripping out of my clothes. She hadn't said a word in days; I was afraid she was allowing her mind to swallow her up. Scratch that she was allowing her guilt to swallow her up.
I went over and pulled the covers off my girl. She only blinked. I sighed and started to pull up her nightgown. She didn't even have any panties on. Bella didn't protest as I took her in my arms; I was kind of hoping she would. At this point any words out of her would be a welcome relief. I dropped down into the warm bath and settled Bella between my legs.
At first I just wanted to let her soak, Bella always loved soaking in a bath. She said it made all her problems go away; even if only for a little while. Eventually, I picked up her loofah and started to rub her body down. I squirt some shampoo in to my hand and started to lather her hair. Once I was done washing the shampoo out of her hair and pulled her to me and kissed her neck.
"I know you're in pain. I wish there was something I could do. Just know that I love you, Bella."
The water started to turn cold. I pulled the plug from the tub and watched as the water went spiraling down. I didn't think I could get out and pull her out without all the water being gone. She wasn't going to help me in the least.
The bed sheets were changed and I mentally thanked Jacob for that. I laid my naked fiancé back down on the bed and went over to find her some new pajamas. This time I was going to make sure that she put on panties.
I was pretty sure she had fallen asleep. I stood there staring down at her. What was I going to do? Should I try and yell at her? Would that break her out of this? I was at a loss. I finished getting dressed and decided to go down and start preparing her some dinner.
"It's that bad huh?" I could hear Embry talking to Jacob when I approached the kitchen.
"Like a ghost." Jacob replied.
"Hey Embry." I greeted solemnly.
"How you guys holdin up?" he asked.
"Sorry I wasn't able to be here sooner, I feel like such a shit for missing the funeral. Saw the Grammy performance." Embry said.
"Yeah, well…" I sighed. "I knew better. I should have put my foot down but she was so determined and now she won't talk, I have to threaten her to get her to eat. She is a…zombie." I muttered.
"Let me see her." Embry replied.
"Please. If you can get anything out of her, I would be in your debt. She didn't cry at the funeral, she hasn't cried since the day Charlie passed except for her performance. I know this isn't normal, she needs to mourn. She is weighed down by her guilt and believes that she is to blame for Charlie's death."
"I know a thing or two about guilt." Embry sighed.
Embry left the kitchen and all I could do was pray that he was going to be able to fix my baby.
I sat Bella down of the side of the bath tub, while the water continued finish filling.
"Edward, I feel so weak…I feel like shit." She laughed a little.
"I know. I'm sorry sweetheart but I promise we will get you back to new in a couple of days. All right, honey I want to settle you down between my legs." I pulled her to me and placed her in front of me.
"No funny business, Edward. I don't think I would be very useful to you right now." She said.
I kissed her neck. "Definitely no funny business, just a nice good soak."
We lay there together for a couple of minutes just soaking in the serenity of the moment. For me it was the calm before the storm.
"Okay, what's going on? Where are we? This is not your house."
Here we go.
"This is our home. Remember what happened with Jacob and when you were attacked? You asked for us to move and this was the house that we both fell in love with."
"I don't remember any of this. I remembered being attacked and asking you if we could changes homes. I…I didn't feel safe. But, I don't remember choosing this home."
I could feel her confusion; I was probably as tense as she was.
"I know sweetheart. A couple of weeks ago something happened and you were hurt. You were hurt so badly that you have been asleep for a while."
"How long is a while?" she interrupted.
"Forty-five days." Good going Edward. Way to be blunt.
"Oh my god. Almost a month and a half. I lost a month and a half of my life." She said in disbelief.
"But you're alive and that's all that matters." I quickly added.
"What happened to me?" she asked.
I sat there fighting within myself. Should I tell her the truth? I could say something like car accident but I knew I couldn't lie to her; she could turn on the television or computer and find the truth out just as easily.
I sighed. "Bella, James attacked you." She gasped. "But you need not worry about him. He's dead. He will never touch you again."
I could feel her body as she began to cry. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry. I'm doing a very good job at this am I?"
"It's okay. Thank you for being truthful with me. Funny thing is I'm not even sure why I am crying. I know I should be happy and thankful but I just feel…mad. I wish I never met James. I probably deserved this."
"Hey, don't talk like that. Of course you didn't deserve this. I failed you, Bella. I promised to always love and protect you and I failed." I admitted.
"Edward, I think at this point we can assume that I am just cursed with bad things." She sighed.
She didn't know the half of it.
"There will be good things that happen throughout your life and bad things but it's what you do with those experiences that make you remarkable."
"Is this scar from the attack?" She pointed down to her C-section scar. I was an asshole but I couldn't tell her the truth, yet.
I kissed her shoulder. God, how I missed her, even if her mind was partly missing. I missed the simple things. I missed talking to her. I missed holding her and feeling her hand glide over my skin they way she was gliding her hand up and down my leg right now. I missed kissing her and knowing that she felt my lips on her skin.
"Edward, I told you that I didn't think I would be up for any funny business." She laughed softly.
I missed her laugh.
"Sorry, honey. You just have no idea how much I have missed you." I apologized for the hard on pressing into her back. I willed it away.
"It's all right, Edward. I probably gave you a fright if I was asleep for forty-five days. I can't imagine how crazy I would go if the roles were reversed. I would have been a wreak."
"I was a wreak. You have to promise to never leave me again." It was a stupid thing to ask for but a part of me was serious.
"I'll do my best." She replied sarcastically. Yep, that's my girl.
"So why is Embry here? I mean of course I was happy to see him but he needs to recover too."
"Well he is…better now." I replied lamely.
"After only forty-five days?" she asked looking back to me. I swallowed harshly, she noticed.
"Edward, what is it?"
I was trying to find the words.
"Edward, you're starting to freak me out." She pushed.
"Bella, you may have only been asleep for forty-five days but... Dr. Smith thinks that you have like…oh god." I exhaled.
"I have what?" she asked.
"You have amnesia." I watched as my words began to sink in, she looked puzzled.
"But, I know who I am. How could I have amnesia? That's ridiculous." She gave a short laugh.
"Honey, it's like selective amnesia. You are mind temporarily forgot a little portion of your life." I tried explaining.
"How little?" she snapped.
"Today's date is December 23rd, 2013." I tried to crane my head to see her face fully.
"This is a joke." She said short. "You're playing a joke on me."
I could feel her breathing pick up, she knew I wasn't joking.
"Edward, tell me you're joking. Please tell me your joking." She whimpered. She turned around started to sob into my chest.
"I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry." I held her as she cried. "I promise, you will remember. I will do everything in my power to get your memory back."
"I want my mom and daddy." She sniffled.
It didn't matter what age Bella was, throughout the years together she would always ask for her parents. I pulled her into a strong hug. I had been dreading this moment. How was I going to tell my beautiful girl that her daddy had died?