The Hawke's Curse.
This is for my 500th reviewer 13. I really hope this was worth the wait, I've just been super busy but now it's summer so I'll do the best I can :D.
Hope you love it and please review! Xx
That was it then.
She had failed.
She had failed father.
She had failed Carver.
She had failed Bethany…
And now she had failed mother.
It was because she wasn't fast enough.
It was because she wasn't strong enough…
Because she wasn't good enough.
She was never good enough. Not for mother, and not for him.
That's why he left wasn't it?
But it was probably for the best. Everyone she loved died. All her family, her friends back in Lothering.
Maybe it was her.
She might be cursed.
Father was a mage after all; maybe she had more magic in her blood than she thought.
He was all she had left, and even if she wasn't able to be with him, she could at least keep him safe.
From this bloody curse of hers.
She pushed her black hair out of her eyes with a sigh, and glanced at her armour and great sword by the fire. She hadn't touched them to clean them or practice her skills with them since mother died.
Once the body had been buried, she had walked away from that small nobleman's graveyard, just outside of Hightown and away from her friends. She had walked straight past the lot of them, ignoring how Fenris had tried to grab her wrist, and went straight to her house, then locked herself in her room, where she still was.
Her friends had come by every day with threats to break down the door, mainly provided by Aveline and an increasingly worried Varric, or with food and a gentle tone from Anders and Merrill. Sebastian had read her the rights of the dead from the Chant of Light, and Idabela had tried to coax her out with the rare Antivan Brandy she'd been hiding in the Chantry. Which she had heard the argument, but could not find the will to smile at the ridiculousness of it.
She hadn't let anyone in. Not even Bodhan or Oranna.
She didn't want anyone to come in here.
This was her time.
She needed this.
The first day she had locked herself in this room, and started smashing pots, glasses, whatever she could find.
The second day she sat in silence, just staring at the fire.
The third day she cried, and let all the pain she had felt since she first came to this Maker forsaken city out.
The fourth day she drank some water and watched the fire again.
The fifth day she remembered her mother. She tried to remember every conversation, every detail, every smile that she had shared with her mother.
The sixth day her companions had tried to break down her bedroom door, to see if she was still alive. But she had reinforced it after they had all came individually to see her.
Today was the seventh day. It would probably go like the first.
If she didn't have it to herself she would punch one of them. Every day, someone, somewhere in this city wanted her attention. She never got a moment to herself. Half the time she couldn't even get to bed at a reasonable time because someone wanted something.
She had heard them.
Heard them all coming and demanding her attention, Aveline was the loudest, and Merrill was the quietest, which was fairly obvious.
But there was only one who had not come to see her.
He stayed away, like the rest of them should.
Isabela, Varric and Sebastian had all pulled together and tried to break the locks on her room door, just to make sure she was still alive in here.
They really should have checked for poison. She was no rogue, but she did know a few people in this city who liked to earn some extra coin.
Her friends should never underestimate her.
"I do not know what to say, but I am here." A deep voice spoke from the door. Hawke looked up and met her green eyes with her smoky blue eyes. She looked at him in shock for a moment before her eyes shot to the door. He had opened it wide.
Bastard must have fazed through it.
"I don't need you. I don't need anyone." Hawke said darkly, she didn't care how mean she sounded. She had to get him out of here. This was her grieving time. He shouldn't be here. This was best for them, if she just pushed him away maybe she could save him.
"I do not believe that for one moment, Hawke." Fenris said as he walked closer to her and stopped as he looked at her weapons and armour. "You should be outside, training. Not only will it hone your skills, it will also help you to cope with your grief." Fenris offered gently.
"What would you know of my grief?" Hawke turned away from him. Maybe if she didn't look at him, he would leave.
That's what he usually did anyway.
"I… I cannot imagine the pain of losing your family. I am sorry."
"No. No you can't imagine the pain. My whole family was taken away from me. By disease, by the darkspawn, or by fucking blood mages. I have nothing." Hawke steeled herself from crying. That's all she had done the first day.
"Please… Fenris just go. I don't want someone to say those broken words that mean nothing to me. They don't bring my family back. They don't stop this stupid curse. They don't protect any of you."
"Hawke, I will not offer you hollow words. I will simply tell you what I know. I know grief. I know the pain I felt of my enslavement. My grief comes from my lost life, one which I shall never get back. Your grief is truly horrible, losing your family. I can never know the pain in your heart, but I will try to help." Fenris came closer and leant on the bed post as he watched her.
Hawke was so beautiful.
Her long hair; black as a starless night, eyes that were like the Deep, mysterious waters of Rialto Bay in the fog, skin like fresh snow on the Vimmarck Mountains in winter.
He had admired her long before he had the courage to respond to her flirting. She was a strong warrior, one of the finest he had seen in a long time. She was always competing with him for the first kill, or the best blade or hammer. Occasionally he beat her to the punch, but not often.
Not only was she a strong fighter, she was a strong leader. All of their companions agreed that. She was shy when it came to dealing with others or when it got too crowded at the Hanged Man. But she was confident in battle, she became like a different person. Assertive, brave, loud… she was…
"I know you are trying Fenris, but you can't help the cursed."
"Cursed?" Fenris raised an eyebrow at his one-time lover.
"It's the only explanation. Everyone I care about dies-"
"And you're afraid that will happen with our companions?" He watched as she nodded slowly. He couldn't help but smile in amusement as he sat next to her on her bed. "Hawke… you are the strangest woman I have ever met."
"What?" Hawke looked back at him and he saw her for the first time.
He really saw her.
He saw the hurt and pain behind her eyes. He saw the heartache, the sorrow.
He saw everything.
"Hawke… you are many things, but not cursed."
"Then how do you explain my father dying of some disease that he couldn't cure with magic? How do you explain my brother being crushed by an ogre? How do you explain my sister getting the taint, and not you, or me or Varric, or anyone else on the expedition? And how do you explain mother being kidnapped, and mutilated into a monstrosity that mocks her very memory, by some zealot blood mage?" Hawke's sadness turned to anger with every word, as she fully faced the confused Tevinter.
"I am cursed! I have to be. I-" Hawke was cut off and Fenris cupped her face tenderly. She looked at him in silence for what seemed like forever, loosing herself in his beautiful green eyes. "I… It's my fault…" Hawke felt herself tear up again and inwardly cursed herself for crying. In front of Fenris, of all people.
"Come here." Fenris pulled her into a gentle hug and felt her shake with a sob. "Hush, it will be alright. I will make it so if I can." Fenris stroked her long black hair as she sobbed, listening to the sound that broke his heart.
"No, it won't be alright." Hawke forcefully pulled herself back from him and sighed. Fenris saw her steeling herself, stopping the tears in their tracks. "I guess I need a little bit more time to figure things out."
"What do you not understand?" Fenris placed his hand on her shoulder. He remembered from their night together, that there was a curved black dragon tattoo with red eyes there. It was unusual, dangerous and beautiful.
Just like her.
"How I am going to stop this stupid curse. How I can protect anyone else from dying. How I can-" She stopped herself and took a deep breath. "I just think I need some time alone."
"You have been locked in here for days, Hawke. I think you have had enough isolation." Fenris said seriously before he gave her his half smirk. "And if I'm perfectly honest, Hawke, I expected your room to be cleaner, considering the time you've been in here." That got a small chuckle from her. She looked down at the carpet again with her sad smile.
"Thanks you Fenris." She said simply.
The elf watched her carefully for a second before he sighed.
"Th- They say, death is only a journey. Does that help?" He felt foolish for asking, but he had to know he was helping her somewhat. Considering all she had done for him in the past, he felt that he owed her that much.
"It just raises more questions. Journey to where?" Hawke shrugged back at him.
"I don't know. It's just something people say… To be honest, I don't think there's much point in filling these moments with empty talk." Fenris met her eyes for a brief moment and she nodded back to him.
They sat in an endless silence as they watched the fire and occasionally each other. Fenris knew he could never fully take away the pain of losing her family, especially now since she was alone.
But she was not alone.
She had their companions.
She had him.
Maybe saying that would help.
He could never understand the pain, the hurt of losing a family. He had no memory of his, and it did not feel right to try and console her with a shared tale of woe, as Aveline had suggested a few days ago. He steeled his hammering heart and placed his hand on top of hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
It was true, he could never understand her pain.
Never understand her sorrow.
Never understand her…
But he was here for her.
And that's what mattered.
"Memento iacentes, quod futurum maledictiones a suscipiam." Fenris said softly and Hawke turned to face him again with confusion in her eyes, replacing the sorrow.
" 'Remember the fallen; as they will protect us from the curses of our future.' It's an old phrase in Tevinter. Apparently if those whom we care for were killed, the Old Gods would grant them a wish to protect those who they left behind." Fenris smiled as he remembered the story correctly.
Hawke didn't need the whole story, just the morale of the story would do.
"And you think this is true of the Maker? He will protect me? Fenris you're starting to sound like Sebastian." Hawke laughed softly and Fenris smirked as he reached into his pocket.
"No Hawke. Your family will protect you." He handed her Leandra's amulet, which Hawke had dropped on her grave. "As long as you have something of them, a memory, a memento, they will be with you." Fenris placed the amulet in her hand and watched as she took it, before she smiled softly.
"Memento icaentes?" Hawke smiled softly and he nodded.
"Remember the fallen."
"So how would one say 'I am cursed'?" Hawke raised an eyebrow as he smiled.
"Tuus sum ego." Fenris said softly and Hawke nodded.
"Alright then, Fenris. Tuus sum ego." She watched as he smirked, and felt herself chuckle. "That wasn't the correct phrase was it?"
"No it was not."
"Then what did I say then? I am annoying? I am messy?"
"No. But here is something if you believe you are cursed." Fenris smiled before he turned to the fire. "The only curse you have Hawke, is intelligence, strength, charm, and whatever else you wish it to be."
"That doesn't sound so bad after all." Hawke pushed her black hair back with a smile and Fenris nodded.
"It is not. For it is the Hawke's curse. Just try not to let it go to your head."
"I had thought as much." He smiled and Hawke gently rubbed her mother's amulet before she smiled softly at the elf.
"Thank you Fenris, truly. But what did you say there in Acranum?"
"You will know someday Hawke. But I will tell you this, it is because of your curse."
Tuus sum ego.
I am yours.
YAY! A little bit of fluff, and I hope you all like it! Now I hope its not too bad, but please review so I know anyway! Now its time to get back to writing!
Thanks for reading and have a great day :3