"So, you're telling us there were two girls running around in our bodies?" Dean's garbled words push themselves through a mouthful of burger.
"Yep," Bobby nods as he rises from his seat at the kitchen table. "You boys want another beer?"
"Hell yes," Dean jumps at the offer before he can swallow his food. "Damn it's good to hear you call us that again, by the way."
Bobby just grins at the comment. He clearly finds the whole thing highly amusing. I'm personally fairly certain I won't find the humor in this for, well, ever. It might have shed some perspective on the female gender, but I still fail to find any of the last few weeks funny.
"What did we do?" Dean is curious to know what exactly Deanna did to his body while he was trapped in hers.
"Probably everything you 'ijits did in that other universe," Bobby replies as he hands us each a cool brown bottle of cheap ale before returning to his seat beside Dean.
"I find that hard to believe," I mutter into my beer. The first thing that comes to mind is the "curse" that we, as males, don't experience. The second thing that comes to mind is the time "Deanna" wore high heals to that revenant hunt, which actually sparks a hilarious visual of my brother (the regular version) in a pair of the feminine shoes.
"You, I mean they, were kind of confused at first," Bobby attempts to detail his experience with the female versions of us trapped in our male bodies. "Dean looked particularly perturbed about my usual mess." He pauses to chew over a question he's not entirely sure he wants the answer to. "I wasn't all that different in that other universe, was I?"
"We called you Aunt B," Dean states in a flat tone. Bobby shudders.
"Forget I asked," he says, not wanting anymore detail beyond that. "Anyway, I sent you boys or whatever the hell you were on a case or two. Mostly you, they, hung out around here."
"They didn't do anything weird to us while we were... them... did they?" Dean questions before washing down his food with a long swill of beer.
"They didn't put on any makeup or wear high heels, if that's what ya mean," Bobby shakes his head.
Dean quietly looks down at his burger, finding embarrassment in what was otherwise a simple response. He tries not to look guilty as he shoves a massive bite into his mouth to prevent him from revealing any details. I occupy my own guilty lips by taking an incredibly long swig from my bottle while Bobby eyes us suspiciously.
"Do I even want to know what that look was for?" he wrinkles his nose.
"No," I quickly respond. "Did, uh, 'we' do anything noteworthy?"
"Not really," Bobby shrugs. "For a few days both of ya were kind of disgusted by the whole gender swap, but by the time Gabriel showed his mug again, ya seemed pretty well adjusted. Hell, you seemed to almost like it. Especially about a week ago. You kept looking at the calendar and giving each other high five's."
Dean and I shudder at the memory of last week. Sounds like Deanna and Samantha enjoyed their month off.
"Look," Bobby hesitantly begins, glancing at Dean as his tone grows more serious. "Dean, er, 'Deanna' told me something about, well, you while you were gone."
Dean cocks a brow, slowly chewing his lunch as he curiously eyes Bobby.
"What's that?" he asks after a moment of thought before it comes to him. "She told you I have a kid, didn't she?"
"Uh, yeah, actually," Bobby gives my brother a curious frown. "How'd you know?"
"Aunt B told me," Dean shrugs with a calm tone as Bobby shudders again.
"I can't believe there's a universe where you call me that," he comments, attempting to wash this visual away with a long pull from his own beer bottle.
"If it makes you feel any better," I begin with a somewhat sarcastic smile. "There are actually hundreds of universes where we call you Aunt B."
"It doesn't," Bobby shakes his head, narrowing his eyes at me as I remind him of the infinite number of universes that actually exist. "Back to Dean havin' a kid," he quickly continues. "You seem awful calm about it."
"Yeah," Dean shrugs. "I've had time to digest it." He pauses to allow a small, satisfied belch pass his lips. "I mean, I was kinda pissed at Cas for not telling me about it. But now... I donno. It's kinda cool knowing you've got a little piece of yourself running around out there."
Bobby gives Dean a dumfounded look. Obviously, that wasn't the reaction Bobby was expecting. It wouldn't be the reaction I'd have expected either, had I not been with Dean when he first found out. That, plus the fact we're probably still riding a little bit of that estrogen wave. We're back to normal, but not one hundred percent, not yet.
I wonder how long it'll take us to get back to normal? I have to remember to ask Cas next time we see him.
"Are you enjoying being home?" an unexpected voice speaks from somewhere behind me. I whirl around to see Cas standing between the kitchen and the living room wearing a small smile on his lips.
"Hell yes," Dean replies. He lets out a long, satisfied sigh as he wipes his mouth with a napkin. "Damn I love red meat. Sammy, remind me to never go vegetarian."
"I doubt you'll need a reminder," I say. "Hey, Cas. Out of curiosity, how long were we in that other universe?"
"About a month," Cas speculates and I roll my eyes.
"Obviously," I sigh. "I mean, alternate universe Cas warned us the longer we were there, the longer it would take us to readjust to our regular universe."
"I wouldn't worry too much about that," Cas assures us, slowly striding towards the kitchen table while he speaks. "It shouldn't take more than a week for you to fully recover."
While it's longer than I wanted to rid my mind of girl Sam, I'm just really glad we made it back. I shudder to think of being trapped in that other place for the rest of my life.
"Dean," Cas speaks, his eyes falling to my older brother. "Would you like to see your son?"
Dean calmly takes a sip of beer as he thinks this over. Bobby and I stare at him as he ponders this opportunity, both of us more than interested in learning what his decision will be.
"Yeah, I guess so," he finally says with a shrug. "I don't know how many opportunities I'll get to meet him. Where is he?"
"I will take you to him," Cas says, extending his hands towards Dean and myself.
"Wait a minuet - !" Dean begins to object to Cas's mode of transportation, but his words are cut short. Before we can blink, we're standing outside on some playground under a warm afternoon sun.
"Damn it, Cas," Dean mutters. "You know I hate it when you do that."
"Sorry," Cas apologizes, though his voice lacks sincerity. "I thought this would be the best time for you to see him."
"Where is he?" Dean wonders, his eyes scanning over each and every kid that runs around the colorful plastic equipment. Cas points and it doesn't take either of us long to spot the kid he's trying to show us.
The little boy, Dean's son, is the spitting image of my brother when he was four. Dark hair, hazely green eyes. He's even wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt.
I break my gaze on the boy to study Dean and his silent reaction. I don't know if it's the remaining estrogen or the fact that this would be an emotional thing for anyone to witness. Either way, I can spot the tears that well in his eyes as he lets out a small gasp.
"Who... who's his mother?" Dean wants to know.
"Her name was Autumn," Cas replies and I can tell Dean recognizes the name, despite the fact he seems unwilling to elaborate on the details.
"What do you mean 'was'?" Dean wants to know.
"Johnny!" a woman's voice calls out and we all watch as the little boy in Dean's image runs happily to a blonde couple who stand at the edge of the playground.
"Wait, who are they?" Dean's question changes and I can almost hear his heart break as "Johnny" runs into the woman's arms and the man lovingly pats his head.
"Lily and Aaron Hemsworth," Cas replies as Dean stares at the loving scene before us. "Jonathan's adoptive parents."
For a while, nobody say anything. I wait for my brother to say something, anything, half expecting him to slowly strut over and introduce himself.
"Do they love him?" he whispers quietly at last as a single tear unleashes itself from his right eye and slides down his face. "Do they take good care of him?"
"Yes," Cas replies and Dean nods.
"Good," Dean nods, blinking back any remaining tears. "Let's go back to Bobby's."
"That's it?" I want to know, somewhat shocked my brother made no attempt to at least talk to the kid.
"Yeah," Dean says with a small, sad shrug. "I saw him. He's happy. He's cared for. It's a better life than I could have given him."
"You're not even going to say hello?" I wonder aloud.
"No," Dean shakes his head. "I saw all I needed to see. Besides, he's a little kid. For all he knows, those two are his real parents. I don't want to go and screw him up for life." Pause. "Maybe when he's older I swing by and say hello."
"Wow," I say. "How uncharacteristically mature of you."
Dean shrugs again and lets a small smile spread across his lips.
"Okay, Cas," he says, looking at the angel. "Take us back to Bobby's." Pause. "Wait. Forget that. Take us to a strip club."
There it is. I knew that "maturity" thing couldn't last long. I never thought I'd be so happy to hear Dean say that.
As screwed up as our normal is, I couldn't be happier to have it right now.
AN: There you have it. The episode that never was when Dean and Sam were girls. And also Dean has a kid. I mean, come on. There's gotta be at least one out there, right? I refuse to believe that Amazon chick was the first to have one of Dean's kids. It's just so unlikely.
Anyway, thanks for reading! Until next time...