Blue Green Red Shutdown

Darkness, blackness, pressing down on your lids and suffocating you.

Breathe in, breathe out.

There is something wrong about the air…chemicals linger, pollute, poison, and the smell of antiseptic permeates the air.

Labs, silver metal, white light pounding down on you, and you shut your eyes but can't escape, can't ever escape.

Eyes. Eyes open. No more blackness, no more suffocation and breaths of air that stir the particles in front of you but never reach your lungs.

But there is white, so much white, light glancing and refracting and reflecting, like a bad dream come to life.

Dreams, dreams cross through the portals and there are places where monsters lurk and sugar plums dance, and the grass is made of gold because we are all asleep.

White, chemicals, hospital.

Strands, weaving a story, making it tangible touchable real. You don't want it to be real.

Hospital, a place where people go to get better. Hospitals, where they help you heal. Where you get fixed.

Where they come with needles and hold you down and strap you to a chair and there are needles needles needles.

No, shh, you're safe now. Simon is here. Simon, Simon. Simon is safety. Simon is protection.

But he can't protect you long, and then the wolves will get you.

Shut up!

You scream, but the words die long before they reach your lips and you stand instead.

You are no longer in control; turn right go left, sit down spin in circles. There is a wire crossed somewhere, and the sparks fly through you and send you dancing down paths you no longer wish to travel.

White cold feet on white cold ground.

Who says opposites attract?

Feet, feet follow feet, one step in front of the other.

March on, little tin soldier, and forget what you are.

Hands give you cloth, push you behind a curtain. Put it on put it on put it on. Over head, slide arms through, shake hair free.

Swish swish, it sings as you dance.

Death is masked by the chemicals that cling to air cling to cloth cling to skin and the smell of rotten roses climbs through the air, surrounding and choking and get it off get it off get it off get it-

Sitting, moving, rolling down long white hallways. Chair, chair, why are you moving? This is wrong. Chairs aren't supposed to move; supposed to be safe, stable, like Simon.

Simon, Simon is gone. Simon, Simon, wherefore art thou Simon?

Panic, twist, scream is logical.

Hands catch your face and smooth back your hair, and there is Simon, whispering assurances, soothing words falling from his mouth in a stream of soft pink and spring greens.

Look at his face and remember it; every curve, every plane, every shadow. When you go again, you must be able to remember.

[Going, going, you are always going, and he searches but he never finds. (I am deep down, and I do not make a sound…) You always were good at hide and seek].

Moving, ever moving, and the world blends into shades of blue bleeding into white.

Mix the colors and watch them meld; blur the lines between reality and imagination, let the demons in your mind out out out and watch them tear the wings from the angels high in the white cloud sky.

More faces, more people, more thoughts and minds and sounds.

Beeping and murmuring and they're patients, here to get better.

He's not.

Watch his life end with a beep and a cry and the heavens part in blinding light and rains fire as the family waiting outside crumples and the potted plant in their grasp smashes onto the clean floor and sends black dirt flying everywhere.

Simon makes him better. Simon makes everyone better.

Not you, not you not you not you. Perhaps he doesn't care enough to try, perhaps he has given up, perhaps he is in collaboration and this is all a trap, a trap, and soon there will be more pain and shadows and light and stop stop stop STOP-

Back back back, Simon is back, and there are more assurances (butter yellow and fire red) and you mention the rainbow, but he doesn't understand you

no one does

and you continue onwards and forwards and you come to a room, and there is a chair.

Simon moves you forwards, to the chair and oh god oh god oh god. No, no more chairs! You can't just stick needles into my eyes and ask me what I see!

Strap you down, they're going to strap you down and fill you with drugs and there will be so so so so so many needles get them away!

It's just a medical imaging scan, you'll be fine River.

No no no nonononononono. He'll see, and realize, and comprehend. See what they turned her into, see what she is.

Then he'll push her away and give her back and there will be more needles so many more needles, in her eyes and in her head and in her arms.

Lean back, it'll be okay. You're safe, I'm here. No one will hurt you.

WRONG LIAR YOU'RE LYING LYING GO AWAY GO AWAY DON'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T DON'T WON'T CAN'T REFUSE LYING!

Shut your eyes and sleep, shut down shut down…(they can't hurt you if you're not there)

…they cut into her brain…

…don't hate me don't hate me don't hate me…

…why would they…

…there's something wrong…

…healthy brain…I don't…

…blinded blinded, she's been blinded…

…they're doctors…

…to the colors…

…why would anyone

…green, there's green and red and blue…

…they did it over and over again…

…the green leads to the blue leads to the red and full circle…

…amygdala…stripped it…

...the blue, the blue is coming…

…fear center…push it back…

…the red is rising…

…worry…fear…disgust…anger…

…choking, copper, can't breathe can't…

…denial…

…green, green caused it green caused she can't breathe can't oh god why can't stop green blue coming broken breathe no red coming blue green red blue green red blue green…

…I need longer…might be able to help…

…must vocalize…

…red scrolling through the air scrolling…

…have to…

…bad ape-man bad…

…why can't you see?...

…need to…

…red so much red ohgodbluestopcan'tbreathecan't…

…SIMON…

Scream…
hand comes down…
can't breathe can't breathe…
green smothers and…
so much blue red green god please

"The plan changed, we need to leave now."