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Illusions

By

Anessa Ramsey

She puts a lot of effort into keeping it together,

Her willed illusion of comfort and stability,

The words flowing from right to left,

The routines of love; but underneath is darkness. 

Menace, chaos, cities aflame, towers crashing down,

The anarchy of deep water.

                  Margaret Atwood

         My life is an illusion.  It has been for many years.  I should have known not to involve myself with him.  He and I were supposed to be enemies.  We weren't supposed to find comfort in each other when we had no one else to turn to.  I thought we were in love.  He did too, at the time.  Now all that's left is bitterness and hatred.

         From the second I met him my feelings for him were chaotic, ranging from hatred to passion to love.  It was so easy to love him back then.  He may have mercilessly teased my classmates, but it was all for show.  He needed his father to believe he was one of them.  I was the only one who really knew him.

         I can't say that anymore.  I'm locked in my room, trying to keep my life from falling apart around me, but so far I'm unsuccessful.  He swore that he was different from his father and I believed him.  I believed him.  That's what makes me so angry.  I trusted him not to become a Death Eater.  I trusted him to fight it.  So did my family.  Look where it got them.  Dead and buried in the ground. 

         He swears that he had nothing to do with their demise.  He says that he didn't know that the Burrow was going to be attacked, but how can I believe him.  The mark on his arm says it all. 

         I understand now why his mother went insane.  If Draco had even half the temper that Lucius did, I would be insane as well.  He hits me sometimes and he always apologizes but I'm past the point where I believe that I drive him to do it.  Nope.  I don't drive him to it.  He does it of his own free will.

         I can hear Olivia crying down the hall.  My daughter is the only other staple of comfort that I have anymore.  Draco hardly pays her any mind.  He wanted a son.  Of course I can't provide him one.  There were complications during Olivia's birth.  I will never have any more children.

         He does not know that I have been offered my chance to escape from his rule.  Dumbledore and Sirius Black have agreed to assist me until they can prove Draco for the Death Eater he is.  It kills me to say this, but I know I will help.

         It does not matter anymore.  Sirius will be here in a few moments and I will be taking my daughter away to start a new life.  Dumbledore has agreed to fake our deaths, an easy task for a wizard of his expertise.  I need to disappear so that he will never fiind me.

         My whole life has been an illusion and I thought the day would never come where I could escape it.  Now I just long for peace.  So good-bye Draco Malfoy.  May you rot in Hell.