Mary Sue

A Mary Sue Fanfic
(featuring Daria)

"Another year, another headache," Daria mused as she and Jane walked the usual path to school.

"Hey, come on, Daria," Jane said, smirking. "Maybe this year will be different from all the others."

Little did they know how right they were!

"Class, we have a new student among us," said Mr. O'Neill as he smiled vacantly at the rows of students before him. "Please welcome Miss Mary Sue... I can't seem to make out the last name..."

"That's because you're not very smart," said the new girl. She was tall and slim, and had blond hair streaked with red in a strange but alluring way.

"Wow, the new girl can throw sarcastic barbs at the teachers," Jane pointed out. "She's someone we should get to know."

"I agree," Daria said enthusiastically. "I don't know what it is, something about this 'Mary Sue' seems almost irresistible. I just want to knock down my usual barriers and get to know her. Let's invite her to sit next to us at lunch."

"I'm with you, amiga."

That day, at lunch...

Mary Sue carried her tray between the tables, looking for a good place to sit. She avoided the jocks, they were too stupid, and definitely didn't want to have anything to do with the cheerleaders. Before she could move much further, she was stopped by Sandi Griffin, fashion club president (who once volunteered for a school dance but had the whole thing fall apart on her and since then refuses to volunteer for anything - just a bit of trivia!).

"Hello, Mary," Sandi said in her faux-valley-girl tone. "As President of the Fashion Club, I'd like to extend an invitation to you to become our newest member. Of course, you'd have to change your whole look."

"Go climb a tree, bitch," Mary Sue said with a sneer, and the whole cafeteria erupted in cheers upon hearing this clever thrust at Sandi.

Sandi was too enraged to speak, but privately swore revenge upon this person who dared to challenge her.

Finally, Mary Sue found Daria and Jane's table. "Mid if I sit here?" she asked politely.

"Sure," Jane said, never to speak again.

"I'm Daria," said Daria, "Lawndale High's resident cynic, and this is Jane, artiste extraordinaire. That's how we introduce ourselves to people we want to become friends with for no particular reason. So, I see you've met Sandi."

"Yeah, what's up her butt, anyway?" Mary asked, causing Jane to smirk.

"Oh, she's the local too-popular president of the Fashion Club," Daria said. "My sister's a member, but she doesn't even acknowledge me."

"Bummer," said Mary Sue, somehow speaking volumes in that single word.

"So, would you like to continue hanging out with me and Jane, as we are the only people in the entirety of Lawndale High worth getting to know?"

"Well, sure!" said Mary Sue. "Glad to know you both."

A while later, Mary Sue, Daria, and her other friend were hanging out at Casa Lane.

Trent walked by. "Hey," he said, his eyes coming to a rest on Mary Sue. Instantly, he fell in love with her.

"Hey Trent," Daria said. "This is Mary Sue. Jane and I just met her and she's our new friend."

"Hey, Mary Sue," Trent said, smiling coyly, and left the room to go sleep, as that's all he ever did.

"Trent's really hot," Mary Sue said appreciatively. "Hey Daria, mind if I ask him out?"

"Go ahead," Daria said. "I used to have a crush on him, which is something so secret I could barely admit it to myself, but which I'll tell you because I just feel like I can trust you. So, how do we set you up with Trent?"

"I can play the guitar," Mary Sue suggested.

"That's perfect!" Daria said. "We'll set it up so that you'll be the new lead singer if Mystic Spiral. That's Trent's band. The other members are Jesse Moreno, Nick Campbell, and Max Tyler. Notice how I know all their last names? That's good trivia."

Well, Mary Sue was a big hit at the Zen that night, and she and Trent got together. Daria and Jane were pleased to welcome this new friend into their circle.

That night, Mary Sue was leaving the Zen with her guitar under one arm.

"Goodnight, Trent," she said, kissing him. He was a really good kisser!

"Goodnight, Mary Sue," he said. "I really think you're hot. In fact, I wrote a song for you, which I'll play for you under your window tonight while you're going to sleep."

Trent got in the Tank with the rest of the band and they drove off.

Mary Sue decided to take a shortcut home. She felt her life in her new town of Lawndale sucked, but with friends like Daria and whats-her-name, and a boyfriend like Trent, it couldn't be that bad.

Without warning, a man dressed in combat fatigues rappelled down the side of a nearby building and leveled an AK-47 assault rifle in her direction. The gun vomited hard steel death into Mary Sue's body, splattering her vital organs across the sidewalk. Seconds later, a second commando burst from a nearby manhole and fired a grenade launcher at her remains, blowing her body into tiny red fleshy bits that showered the street with gore.

The first commando ripped off his helmet and goggles. "Got her, Commander Bowman. This one won't be bothering us anymore."

"Good work, Thomas," said the other commando. "But as you know, our work is never done. Not as long as there's another Mary Sue out there."

The End


Daria and other characters are used without permission.

Mary Sue is my own creation and nobody can use her without my permission. She's my character and she's very special to me.

The characters of Commander Bowman and Lieutenant Thomas are not based on any real people, it's just a coincidence.

Please read and review as long as you're nice to me!