The alcohol in my system doesn't allow me to push away whoever it is that has his lips pressed against my own but the sensation it's not necessarily a bad one and instead of pushing, I'm pulling him closer.
I can taste the vodka with clarity and the irony of that statement begs me to stop and think about why exactly I chose vodka tonight. The foreign memory of my drunk parents passed out in the living room couches should be ringing a warning bell but all I want is a scape and that's what I'm getting.
His lips are softer than the ones I've kissed before, fleshy and sweeter than all the ones I've had the misfortune of tasting. I should stop, I should say no and make him back away but I can't do that and instead I warp my arms around his neck to pull him even closer to me.
His weight is not crashing me down wherever it is that we're lying and the heat of his body awakes a new flame in my skin, a new desire and I want more of him. I want to feel him everywhere.
I feel him move his weight a little bit closer and I hug him with my legs as I push his shirt over his head. He helps me get rid of the offending item and then his lips are claiming mine in a searing kiss one more time.
He laughs as I ran my nails on his defined abs and his teeth find my neck. I moan when he sucks harder on my sensitive skin and I know there will be a mark to cover tomorrow and a lot of explaining to do because of it but I don't care.
He sucks on my bottom lip and when he moves down to kiss a path right to the valley of my breasts I pull him back up. He'll be the first one to go there, to see me bare but I'm beyond of myself to care and I let him touch me where no one else ever has.
The thought of cheating on my boyfriend never even crossed my mind before tonight and to be honest I don't even remember agreeing to anything but it's happening now and I don't have the willpower to do anything to stop it nor do I want to.
His hands feel extremely soft and with a foggy stare I notice that my jacket and shirt are nowhere near me, the only thing covering my breast is my light yellow bra but I don't feel anything beside the desire to have his hands on me and that need overpowers everything else.
I'm glad for the vodka running free through my veins because I wouldn't be able to do this if my shame hadn't been pushed out of my system.
The arms of sleep are wrapping me whole and what happens next is nothing short but a fog of a memory.
It isn't until later that I feel him move and getting out bed that I realize that this is happening and even if it feels like a dream, it's real.
When I open my eyes again I realize lamely that I'm going back and forth and I'm not really aware of what's going on anymore. Sleep is definitely getting the best out of me and I don't feel like I'm doing much to participate but he doesn't seem to care and if I'm being honest with myself then I'd admit that I don't really care either, I just want to feel wanted for one night.
Vulnerability suddenly hits me when the cold air of the night blows through the open window, a shiver runs down my exposed body and then I feel his lips on my stomach as his fingers find the empty spaces between my own.
His hold is strong but delicate at the same time, firm and soothing. I pull him up again and even if I can't recognize his face yet I still want his lips kissing me and that's exactly what he does.
Letting go of his hands I take his not too short hair and I tighten my hold when he settles between my legs. I'm shaking but I don't want to back down.
"This is my first time" I manage to tell him and he kisses my shoulder before whispering that he knows in my ear. His lips press against my earlobe and I close my eyes as he takes control again.
His tone is familiar but I'm way too drunk to think about it and I'm scraping the skin of his back noticing how the muscles of his shoulder blades jump at my touch.
"Are you sure you want to keep going?"
I can almost see his face but his lips on my neck entertain me. I know that voice and I'm sure that if I think hard enough I'd know who he is but I don't bother.
It comes out of my mouth as a shout of desperation; I've never wanted human contact as much as I do right now in my entire life.
He smiles against my skin and I scratch his back a bit harder making him groan and he attacks my mouth with a passionate kiss. I return it eagerly and I drown in the taste of his lips that at the moment is a rare mix of cigar, mints and alcohol.
"This might hurt a little bit" his voice sounds concern and when it happens I know what he was talking about but I limit myself to dig my nails on his shoulders as a ripping pain curses through my most intimate place.
There goes my most precious gift as my mother would so eloquently put it.
The pain is momentary and it doesn't take long before we're both trying to find a suitable rhythm. For what I know, my boyfriend would've lost his patience already and truly hurt me but for some reason this guy is taking things slow, giving me the time to adjust and feel without losing his grip or getting impatient.
"Protection!" I shout when the thought crosses my mind and he laughs as his lips find my cheek and my hands his sides. I'm drunk and he is too, no one said this would be the most memorable or romantic experience anyway.
"I'm on it, beautiful."
I find myself with the need of seeing his face because he didn't call me babe or sexy or any of those names that would have definitely kill the mood, no. He called me beautiful but all my senses are on overall and I quickly forget what it is that I needed so bad a second ago. The butterflies in my stomach and the slight pressing on my chest seem to be making this a little bit better.
He pushes harder inside of me, hitting something within that makes me scream and cry at the same time. It feels like too much at once and for the first time I don't think I can control all the emotions unraveling inside of me and I cling to his back harder than before.
"I'm sorry if I hurt you" his voice is soft, sincere and softer than before. I'm closer to figuring out who he really is but then his pace picks up a beat and we're both panting in each other's ears. All traces of sanity gone.
He kisses my shoulder and groans particularly hard before my whole world collapses on top of me and an amazing explosion takes place electrifying my entire body and brain. I feel it from the tip of my toes to the back of my head and another tear escapes my eye because I've never felt something so fulfilling before.
His body, his breath, his sweat, I can feel every part of my extremely sensitive body and all of him surrounding me and inside of me. I finally open my eyes only to discover that the room is pitch dark and I can't see anything but it doesn't really make a difference when my eyes shut close and I start to drift back to sleep.
When he pulls back I shudder at the loss of contact but sleep is heavy and I don't feel like talking or moving. I just want to rest.
"Oh no! No, no, no" he panics but I don't have the strength or the sobriety to care.
There it is, back up. I do read your messages on tumblr, don't think for a second that I don't.
I hope you enjoyed this short intro and catch ya next time, lovelies. :)