EDIT: Don't mind me, just making corrections because I'm a fucking grammar freak and it was eating away at me. Don't know when next upload will be, sorry; my creative whims sadly do not work on a schedule, the damn bastards.


One of the most unpleasant things Castiel has experienced since having his Grace taken from him is the feeling of having to go to the bathroom, a feeling that is even more annoying and bothersome when it wakes him up – though, admittedly, this rest hadn't been particularly comfortable or restful after the long fight he and Dean had the day before.

He is so focused on getting to the bathroom and relieving his bladder that he doesn't notice that Dean had returned sometime in the night and had been wrapped around him from behind.

When he returns to the room, yawning, Castiel notices he has a bedmate and suddenly he's not so tired anymore, the fight and his insecurities and fears still fresh in his mind. So he decides to grab a change of clothes, maybe find Sam and see if he wants to spar, but he trips over one of Dean's boots and curses loudly. At the noise Dean sits up quickly in the bed, grabbing his nearest gun and aiming in Castiel's direction before noticing the source.

"Cas?" Dean mumbles groggily, putting the gun back. "What are you doing? What time is it? You okay?"

Kicking the shoe savagely aside so it's by the wall Castiel continues to the door, clothes in hand. "Just go back to sleep Dean," he answers glumly before leaving, nearly slamming the door behind him and leaving a still sleepy and more than a little confused Dean sitting up in bed and staring at the back of the door. After a few minutes the exhaustion outweighs the confusion and he falls back into a fitful sleep, face buried in the pillow Castiel had been using.


Dean wakes up again with a lurch, immediately searching for Cas and coming up with an empty, cold bed and room. So after quickly relieving his bladder he makes his way out of the library, where he finds Charlie and Kevin doing something with a laptop again.

"Hey, you guys seen Cas?"

Without looking up Kevin answers, "Yeah, he's in the gym sparring with Sam; they've been at it for a couple hours."

This information makes Dean grind his teeth; neither of them should be fucking sparring, especially not Sam who is still recovering from the trials. "Why have they been sparring?"

"Sam said he's trying to get his strength back up," Charlie informs, "so what better way than to spar with someone who knows all fighting techniques invented ever?"

Dean rolls his eyes and turns to head through the labyrinth of halls to the gym when Charlie's voice starts up again, stopping him. "And I think Cas is just happy to be useful, you know?"

He doesn't turn back around, just stands there as his heart breaks a little at that.

"I think he's afraid you won't want him around anymore since he lost his mojo."

"Where the hell would he get that idea?" he grits out.

Charlie responds quietly, "I think you know Dean."

Dammit. Of course Charlie would know about all the horrible things he had ever said about or to Cas about usefulness. He closes his eyes and an image of Cas from the 2014 that never was swims up, unwanted. Could he still end up that way if he gets the impression that he's not wanted or needed when he hasn't got any mojo?

Clenching his fists Dean brushes that thought aside; not happening on his watch. He grunts out a thanks to Kevin and Charlie before marching off to the gym, determined to get across to Cas that no matter how often or badly they get angry with each other and fight, Dean's never going to not want him around.

Within a few minutes he reaches his destination, opening the door and heading to the back corner of the large room where the floor-to-ceiling matting was. What he finds is actually pretty hilarious: Cas, who's about half a foot shorter than Sam, flipping said Winchester over his back and pinning him down quite easily, one arm held across his throat and the other holding both wrists down, and straddling his waist in just the right spot, not too high or too low, Cas' body weight holding Sam down. Both are panting and sweating but Cas' expression is a damn right grin for him.

"I win," he gloats, still slightly out of breath, before standing up fluidly and offering a hand up to Sam.

Dean can't help but laugh as Sam winces slightly, though he is smiling good-naturedly. "How many times is that?"

"Twenty-four to sixteen for Cas," Sam answers, massaging his throat.

"Damn Sammy, you're slippin' again," chuckles Dean, coming closer to ruffle Cas' sweaty hair to get it off his forehead.

Humming quietly and leaning into the touch a little bit, Cas gets an evil smirk, running high on adrenaline. "Would you like a turn?"

He protests, "Oh no no, it wouldn't be fair; you're not fresh man."

Sam decides to goad them on. "Come on Dean; fight with your boyfriend. Not scared of getting beat, are ya?" He gives a shit-eating grin.

Scowling, Dean shoves him. "Shut up bitch, I ain't scared." The grin doesn't budge so Dean throws his arms up in defeat. "Fine! I'll spar with Cas!"

Without warning Dean is grabbed by the arm and flipped over Cas' back and slammed down then pinned onto the mat just the same as Sam had been a minute ago. Spluttering, Dean plants his feet flat and hikes his legs up until his thighs meet Cas' back, digs his elbows into the mat by his sides, and shifts all his weight onto his upper back and shoulders, making Cas overbalance and tumble forward, transitioning into a somersault and rolling onto his feet and from then the match is pretty much even. That is until Cas does some crazy krav maga move or something, Dean ending up on his stomach with his legs trapped by Cas' arms, his own arms pinned to his back by Cas' ass and torso, and head between Cas' thighs. Sam is cheering and laughing obnoxiously, the bastard, while Dean lies there dazed and confused.

From above him comes Cas' voice, all smug as you please, the fucker. "Do you give?" Grunting, Dean admits defeat. When it's been a few minutes since Cas has let him go and Dean still isn't getting up Cas lies down across from him so their faces are relatively close. "You okay baby?"

The endearment startles Dean considering their fight and, well, it's Cas so he can't help the startled laugh. "Yeah," he chuckles, pushing himself up with a groan. "Damn Cas, you got some moves."

Smiling softly, Cas looks down at his feet, shuffling them a tiny bit while Dean scratches at the back of his neck, both of them wanting to say something, but knowing what precisely to say or do. Finally Dean clears his throat, not having anything planned to say really, when Cas beats him to the punch.

"I, uh, you're right," he says, speech oddly stilted. "I do need to – I'm going to work on it, not blaming myself for every single thing." He looks up at Dean, eyes a little shiny. "But I – I need to feel useful; I need to be needed." Before Dean can interrupt at That Cas goes on quickly to explain, "I know you've said you do, but I don't know how exactly you mean."

Before he can debate with himself Dean pulls Cas in and wraps him up in his arms, Cas frozen for a second then going all octopus arms and hooking his chin over Dean's shoulder and burrowing his nose into the hair behind his ear. "I just need you, here, with me. And Sammy and Kev and Charlie. And not going off without warning or reason."

Sighing tremulously Cas doesn't say anything. Instead he shifts to trail kisses from Dean's ear, along his jaw, up his chin, and to his lips, kissing Dean with feeling and letting him know he'll do his best from now on. It's not the best answer but he'll take it.

The kisses quickly turn heated, clothes being clutched tightly and pushed out of the way, both men losing their shirts. Castiel mouths at Dean's chest, sucking at the skin in the sensitive spots he's been finding, Dean's head falling back against the padded wall (when'd they end up there?) and hands sneaking down the back of Cas' gym shots to clutch at his ass and drag him closer, bringing their groins together with not nearly enough friction.

By far, Cas' favorite spot to lavish on Dean's abdomen is just below the clavicle, right where the anti-possession tattoo is, and he does so, sucking and nipping at the skin while his hands insert themselves between their bodies to shove aside their shorts and bring their developing erections together, making Dean moan into his hair. The only lubricant is that provided by their sweat and the little pre-cum they've produced thus far, creating friction on the delicate line between pleasure and pain.

Breathing heavily through clenched teeth and cringing slightly, Dean loosens his hold on Cas' ass-cheeks to use one hand to halt Cas' progress and the other to pull him back lightly by his hair. "Cas, buddy, baby," Dean pants, tightening his hold on Cas' hair and wrist when he attempts to dive back in. "We really need lube or this is gonna hurt like hell."

Dropping his head to rest on Dean's shoulder and letting go of their cocks, Cas growls in frustration and is sorely tempted to punch the wall near their heads. "Why can't we just use our saliva and sweat?" he practically whines, voice muffled by Dean's neck.

Dean nuzzles at the hair just above his ear, holding back a snicker and massaging the back of his neck to calm him down. "Hey man, it's okay; we can always do this any time."

Huffing, Cas lifts his head to glare at him. "Why am I the sexually frustrated one; shouldn't that be you?" This time Dean doesn't hold back his laughter, his head falling back against the wall as he chortles and Cas continues to glare. "I hate you," Cas grumbles as he pulls back to tuck in his now soft dick.

Still laughing Dean tucks himself back in as well before reaching forward and grabbing Cas by either side of his head to place a kiss at his hairline – incredibly sappy but he's just in that sorta mood. And it gives him the chance to murmur into his hair "I'm sorry" and "You're not useless, never useless" because that's the best he can do. Thankfully Cas knows and understands, not being much better himself; he knows Dean is apologizing for how the fight escalated, for not ensuring Cas knew what he meant each time he said he needed him.

This isn't the best way to settle an argument – storming out pissed, leaving bed without saying anything while the other was asleep, nearly having rough and painful sex against the gym wall, apologizing so quietly Cas barely heard – but's it's Dean and Cas and it's how they and their… relationship work. And hey, they'll most likely be having make-up sex later and make-up sex is awesome. Or so Dean's heard.


A/N: Before anyone asks: yes, Sam got out of there while Dean was spread out on the mat, sensing the couple needed a moment. And yes, next chapter will include apology sex - might be the last chapter actually because I don't see any sense in dragging this out and forcing more of a storyline on it. We'll see.