To Granger,

I just thought you'd be interested to know you've left your hairband at my flat.

In my bed.

Yours,

D.M.


To Malfoy,

You can keep the hairband as a memento of last evening.

Shut up.

Definitely not,

H.G.


To Granger,

What precisely did I say that was so insulting? I said far less appropriate things last night and received no punishment that I didn't intensely enjoy.

Why not?

D.M


To Malfoy,

Last night was a lapse in judgment… As is every night with you. And I'm glad you enjoyed it. That makes one of us.

Go away,

H.G.


To Granger,

One of us? One of us? If you'll recall, your conduct of last night would suggest that there were two equally satisfied parties. Two very satisfied parties.

Hoping for more satisfaction,

D.M.


Malfoy,

I am at work. You are two offices down from me. The amount of notes flying in and out of our offices is absurd.

You're being crass. And erotic.

Kindly stop writing me.

Busy,

H.G.


Granger,

Erotic, eh? Does sex on a desk interest you?


Malfoy,

Does being walked in on interest you?


Granger,

Sounds kinky. See you in five.


Malfoy,

Don't you dare.


Granger,

Oh I dare.


Malfoy,

Now that I've given you what you want, will you go away?

You've stained my favorite blouse.

Love,

Granger


Granger,

I'll leave you be until after dinner tonight.

I'll buy you a new blouse. A hundred new blouses.

So it's love now?

Affectionately,

D.M.


Malfoy,

Where are my panties? I need those back!

Irritably,

Granger


Granger,

I swear to Merlin that I am not in possession of your barely-there, lacy underwear.

Not my fault,

D.M.


Malfoy,

I'm bloody serious! I cannot find my panties!


Granger,

Relax. Where could they have possibly gone?

Calm yourself,

D.M.


Ferret,

I have no idea. You're the one who barged into my office with your trousers unzipped and took advantage of me on my desk at work!

Don't tell me to calm myself!


So it's Ferret again?

You were more than willing to indulge me!

I don't have your panties!

Fine. Compose yourself.


Oh Gods, Draco. One of my folders is missing.


Oh Heavens forbid, your folder.

What does that have to do with your panties?


… I put my underwear on the folder.


To Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy,

I sent my owl into Hermione's office to retrieve some files for my case tomorrow.

Enclosed are what I would hope to be Hermione's underwear, although knowing Draco they could be his.

I hope that Hermione lost them of her own accord, and not with the help of her boyfriend. Bit inappropriate for the workplace.

I'll see you both at lunch.

Love (to Hermione),

Harry