"I want you, Jackson. I want you."
"I haven't been fair to you, I know, and I've-I've really hurt you."
"And you're getting married."
"When that bus exploded, and I thought you were gone, I—"
"You're getting married."
"Unless you can give me a reason not to?"
Before Jackson could respond, a nurse walked in and April's pager went off simultaneously.
"Dr. Kepner, you are needed in OR 2. Its Dr. Webber," the nurse told April as she looked at her pager.
April looked at Jackson, fearing the worst. "Call your mom," was all April got out before she hurried out.
April arrived to the surgical floor to see Derek, Owen, Cristina, Callie, Arizona, and Alex crowded around the hallway near the door. They were all tense and trying to agree on how to proceed.
"What happened?" April asked, causing everyone to turn and look at her.
"Bailey and Ben found him unconscious in the basement. He was pretty badly electrocuted. They restarted his heart, but he's still critical." Owen answered her. He turned to the group, "Dr Yang, you'll go in first to assess the heart and repair what you can. Dr. Shepherd you can assess if there has been any brain damage. Dr. Kepner, you and I will stand by if any additional trauma presents itself. Dr. Torres you can evaluate him further once he is stable. The rest of you will need to just wait. The ER will still need help so you can pitch in there" Everyone scurried away, following their orders.
"I'm going to go see Meredith since Derek and Cristina are in there, and update her," He told Hunt.
"Okay, but then head to the ER," Hunt instructed him.
After what felt like days, April found Jackson in his room. He had been move from the ER bay to make room for incoming patients and per his mother's request. He was sleeping so she pulled off her scrub cap and slid down in an empty chair. She barely noticed that Catherine had arrived and was asleep on the couch. Before April was able to doze off the elder Avery awoke her, with a slight panic still in her eyes.
"April, how is Richard doing?," she whispered begging for good news. Not wanting to wake Jackson, she and the urologist went into the hallway to continue their conversation.
"He is stable and resting. He is in recovery, you can go see him there," April answered smiling sympathetically once they shut the door.
"Thanks, April," Catherine said. She was about to leave when she notice the sparkle from her left hand. "Who's the lucky guy?" she asked gesturing toward April's ring.
"His name is Matthew," April answered sheepishly trying to smile in appreciation, "He's a paramedic."
"Congratulations, April," Catherine responded.
"Thank you, Catherine," April replied trying to convince herself it's what she wants, "I don't know If I'm actually engaged anymore."
"But you are wearing the ring, April. What's wrong?" a confused Catherine questioned her. She led April to a pair of chairs by the door so they could sit.
"You know about what happened with Jackson tonight," April began. Catherine nodded, after it was part of the reason she was in Seattle. April continued, "What you don't know is that Jackson and I were involved. It started in San Francisco, the night before our boards. Then it happened again in between our boards. We never really talked about it. I failed. He took a job at Tulane. I was fired, again. All I could think was I was losing my best friend; I didn't think I'd see him again. Then Chief Hunt came to Moline and rehired me. I came back and I found out he never left. We started up again. It was fun but I thought he thought it was just sex. He told me otherwise, but I was never really able to believe it. Then I thought I was pregnant and he proposed. We had a plan. We were going to get married and raise our child. Then I got my results back and I wasn't actually pregnant. I was relieved. I wasn't ready to get married. I didn't want to get married just because I was pregnant. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. I just wanted to go back to being together and just be more careful, but he just ended it. Then he got involved with the intern and I got involved with Matthew. He likes the things about me I often don't like about myself. He loves me for me. He shares my values and wants to wait for marriage. He gave me the romance I thought I wanted. He proposed with this big flash mob, I just couldn't say no. Then yesterday happened and everything changed. When Jackson was still in the bus and it blew up, all I could think was I was losing the man that I loved forever and there would be no changing minds or getting my job back that would change that. Then he walked out of the smoke, and I couldn't breathe. I just knew. Jackson was the man I loved, not Matthew. Matthew is what I thought I wanted, what I was supposed to want. But in my heart, I knew I loved Jackson. I told him I want him, but I don't know how to tell him I love him. And he's still with Stephanie." April stopped and blushed when she realized she had been rambling.
"April, give him some time. Jackson doesn't let people get close to him since his father left. When you are ready to tell him, you should tell him. Be patient with him. When he's ready, he'll tell you. He really cares about you. He wouldn't have offered to marry you if he didn't. I've seen him with Stephanie; it's not the same as when he is with you. Just give him time," Catherine encouraged her, "Now get some sleep and I'm going to check on Richard."
"Thank you, Catherine," April responded hugging the elder Avery.
April returned to Jackson's room, slid back into the chair, and dozed off.
The next morning she awoke to see him upright in bed, staring at her.
"Have you been sleeping there all night?" Jackson asked inquisitively.
"After finishing up with the Chief, I wanted to finish our conversation but I forgot how late it was. When I got here, you were sleeping. I just took the chair since your mom had the couch," April answered, "Did she come back from Richard's room?"
"I don't think so. She probably decided to sleep there so she would be there when he woke up. How did everything go last night with him?" Jackson asked her.
"It was really tough at first. We weren't sure he'd pull through, but Cristina was amazing. Without her, he probably wouldn't have made it. I felt for your mother, and then you, knowing you'd have a wrecked woman on your hands on top of everything, if she lost the man she loved," April explained.
"Like how you felt yesterday?" he asked her somewhat pointedly.
"Like how I felt yesterday," she sighed after a few moments trying not to let all those emotions coming flooding back. "Like how it felt when you told me you were with Stephanie," she added softly before she could stop herself, "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to dump that on you…"
"Is that how you really felt?" he prodded.
She nodded trying to keep herself from dumping more on him but she couldn't keep it in anymore. "Maybe what hurt a little bit more was that as much as that bothered me, my being with Matthew never seemed to bother you. Even when he proposed, I think I expected some kind of reaction from you, and you just smiled," She said feeling defeated.
"After everything you and I have been through, do you honestly think I didn't care?" He asked. She shrugged before he continued. "You're my best friend April. I want to see you happy. You seemed really happy. I wanted that for you. I hated that it was with someone else, but I just wanted to see you happy, even if it wasn't with me."
After some silence between them, Jackson continued, "And about what you said before, I can give you all the reasons in the world not to get married April, but this is something you need to decide. If I give you a reason and you regret leaving him behind, you'll just go and blame me. I won't be your punching bag. If you want to end things with Matthew, end it. You should end it if you don't want to marry him and if you don't love him. Don't end it because of what you think you feel about me. I meant what I said. I'm never going to be sorry about what happened between us. That's never been the issue. The question is, are you?"
I don't know if I'm going to extend this but feedback will surely help! Please review!