Author: Sorceress Fantasia
Warnings: erm… sad Duo?
Disclaimers: I don't own any of the g-boys. It's pointless to sue.
Sometimes, life-altering realizations come when you're least expecting it.
They can come on a bright, sun shiny day… on a rainy, gloomy day… in spring or winter… Point is, they can come anytime and anywhere, regardless of what you're doing.
For instance, I had one this afternoon.
The weather was just a normal day filled with sunshine. I was walking back to my dorm room after lessons when my mind trailed off to god knows where. But when it came back, a sudden realization hit me.
I can't love.
I mean, I seriously doubt myself to be able to love anybody, regardless of age and gender. Not that I'm questioning my sexuality or anything, but just in case. Love, as in romance. What a boy can feel towards a girl, and vice versa. Not that Romeo and Juliet type of romance, mind you. Just simple love.
I think, I'm too selfish a person to love another. No matter what I do, I seem to be doing for myself. I stole the vaccine for Solo and the gang during the plague because *I* didn't want to lose my friends. I cried when the Maxwell Church was destroyed, because *I* was afraid of my future then. I saved Relena because *I* didn't want another death to add onto my guilt. I'm fighting in the war to stop the voices of Solo and the others in *my* head. It's not just to avenge my dead companions and friends. I think a large part of the reason for me piloting a gundam and fighting is for myself. Protecting what I cherish to protect myself.
Is it even possible for someone like me to love?
Do I *deserve* to love?
Do I deserve to *be* loved?
…I don't know. All I know is that no matter what I deserve, I just want to be loved. And if I'm being loved by him, then I've no objections.
And maybe someday, I'll be able to love him too…
…But I wonder if his concept of love is the same as mine?
Proud member of SDDI, 1x2ML