This Isn't Me By Natalie Elizabeth

Chapter 20

Buffy walked into the apartment and immediately slumped on the couch. Her knee was still sore a little but she at least could walk now with out Spikes help. Spike could see Buffys tiredness and decided to draw Buffy a bath. He quickly left the room and returned a few minutes later.

"Come on luv, you need to relax" Spike held out his hand to Buffy.

Buffy took his hand and walked over to the bathroom with him. She saw the bubble bath and smiled.

"Thank you"

Spike walked out and Buffy turned around quickly.

"Can you come back" she asked.

Spike turned around confused. "What"

"When I get in can you come back I don't want to be alone"

Spike was baffled "Umm sure ok"

Buffy shut the door and Spike waited. Spike heard the splashing of water then heard Buffy call him in.

Spike walked in and saw Buffy laying in the tub only her head escaping the bubbles. Spike sat down on the side of the tub and placed his hands on her shoulder.

"Is this ok?" he asked rubbing her shoulders.

Buffy nodded closing her eyes and enjoying the sensation of the warm water and Spike cold hands. Buffy shoulders were tense and Spike knew that his were as well. He wondered what Buffy was going to do now; Riley was gone for good. Spike was worried that the doctor was right, that Buffy was only latching on to him because he was familiar. Spike was worried that now he was gone she didn't need him and he would be that rebound guy.

"Buffy can I ask you something, and please don't take this the wrong way"

"I am not going to the funeral Spike, I don't want anything to do with it"

"Umm that's not what I was going to ask" happy that she wasn't going to the funeral.

"Umm how do you feel about me now after all of this has happened, has it changed"

"What" she asked confused.

"Well now that your safe from Riley are you going to leave, you don't need me anymore"

Buffy turned around shocked then realised that she was baring all to him then quickly turned back. "What are you talking about"

"You know what I am talking about" he said sternly.

Buffy thought for a second then got angry. "You thought I made you the rebound guy don't you, how could you think that low of me. Spike the way I feel for you has nothing to do with Riley ok. Ok yes I am a little freaked out about what happened, I still feel the same way but I am confused, I cant act on what I feel just now ok. I know I asked for time to figure out what this thing I feel and tonight has just made it worse. Has this changed what you feel for me"


Buffy slumped in the bath "Oh, ok

"I care for you even more"

Buffy tuned around this time holding her chest. "Why"

"I thought I cared for you cause you needed me, like Drusilla, but tonight you made me love you for your strength, not physical but mental. You really were tough in front of Riley and I didn't expect it and I was filled with pride knowing that I had something to do with it. "

Buffy sat shocked for a second with a smile twinging on her lips.

Spike got up. "I'll let you finish your bath, I'll be in the lounge ok"

After a few minutes Buffy came into the lounge. Spike looked up at her from the couch and noticed that she was wearing one of his long t-shirts.

"You cold luv"

Buffy shrugged "Umm kinda, I saw one of my scares in the mirror and it reminded me of Riley, I guess its just giving the shakes"

Buffy looked over at the clock and saw that it was almost one in the morning. "I should call Xander"

Spike was confused why would she call Xander if anything he thought she would call Angel.


"They were friends, before everything happened that is, he should know, I haven't called him in a couple of days, he should know I am ok"

"Umm ok but isn't it late"

Buffy shrugged "Time difference it'll be ok"

Buffy walked off into the kitchen and picked up the telephone and dialled Xanders number. Spike got off the couch and got as close to Buffy without her seeing him and possible feeling him so he could listen in. After a few rings Xander picked up

"Hey this is the Xand man, what's up"

"Hey Xander its Buffy, I didn't wake you did I"

"Hey Buffy, no no up with the twins what's up"

Buffy sighed "I have some bad news, umm Riley's dead"

"What, you didn't kill him did you?"

Buffy was shocked. "No I didn't kill him, he was in a bar fight"

"Really what happened"

"Umm I was out celebrating with my friend, I got the divorce, I apparently know some people who know people, anyway he saw us and got pissed he tried to attack us. He pulled out a knife but the bartender got involved, he accidentally killed him"

"Jeez Buffy are you alright do you want me to come get you"

"No Xander I am fine I am here with my friend and hes looking after me"

"Are you sure you don't want me to come get you, we would love to see you"

Buffy rolled her eyes "No Xander I am fine, just a little shaken up"

"Well please come down for Christmas then"

Buffy thought for a second. "Umm maybe, I'll have to see, I have a job now, nothing great but its money right"

"Come on Buffy you will get a few days off Willow and everyone will be back"

It would be great to see all the gang again but could she leave Spike, not after all they had been through.

"Can I bring my friend"

Spike was shocked did she say what he think she said.

"Who is this friend?" Xander asked.

"I won't tell you until you say he can come and you cant go back on your word"

"Alright he can come now who is he"

"Its Spike"

"What's Spike"

"My friend, the one I am staying with the one who has taken care of me, it Spike"

"Buffy get out of the house I am coming to get you" Xander yelled.

"Xander clam down its ok"

"Its Spike"

"I know its Spike" she yelled "But he's not who you think he is, I would be dead with out him"

"Are you sure your ok"

"I couldn't be better, now is it still ok if we come, cause I wont come with out him"

"I guess but if he tries to eat anyone or scare my kids he dust"

"I promise he wont, I better let you go it's late and I need to get some sleep, I just thought you would want to know"

"Yeah thanks Buffy, I'll call you closer to Christmas to make sure you are coming"

"Ok ok Xander talk to you soon ok"

Buffy hanged up the telephone and Spike scurried back to his space on the couch.

"Everything ok" Spike asked

"Yeah Xander invited us up for Christmas, as if you didn't know"

"What?" Spike asked shocked

"I know you were listening"

"Well it's my phone"

"Whatever I don't mind, you heard what I said to Xander, so that should reaffirm my feelings" Buffy walked off towards the room and Spike followed.

Buffy walked into the room and noticed that Spike had only made it as far as the doorway. "What are you doing?" she asked

"Making sure you get to bed alright"

"And you can't do that from inside the room"

Spike looked down nervously "I was going to let you sleep alone tonight, I thought that would be best"

"That's the last thing I need"

"Are you sure" he said walking into the room.

"Yep" she said getting into bed "Turn the light off"

Spike did as she said then quickly changed before climbing into bed beside her. Buffy rolled over and snuggled against Spike.

"Thank you Spike"

"For what?"

"For everything, that life I had before, that girl I was, that wasn't me. This hair, this strength, this job, this person who cares for me so much, THIS IS ME.

The End.