At this point, my punctuality is just a joke when it comes to writing. I've been slacking so much, I know and I really have no excuse for it. Writing this is becoming a lesser priority than it used to be as my education goes on and there's nothing I can do about it. So now, I've decided that I'm not going to give specific times for when this is going to be updated, I could update next week and then disappear for weeks on end but I promise I won't abandon this all together. I've put too much effort into this story to give up and I will keep at it.

I'm still trying to get hold of Microsoft Office and will hopefully have it by the time I next write a chapter for this story, I know where I want to go and I'm going to try my best to get us there as quick as possible. I hope there's still someone here reading my story and if you are I urge you to review or PM me your thoughts on the story and where you think you want it to go. I will always be around so please dont hesitate.

Enjoy! x

Chapter Nineteen

Recovery has begun and Ana took up the offer of staying in Aspen during the schedule that she had planned together with Christian and Flynn. She had planned sessions with Flynn three times a week and treatments that would relax her muscles as well as her mind. Everything was given to her on a silver platter and right now she could not complain, it was everything she needed to get her through this and she was glad that Christian was supporting her one hundred percent along her tough journey.

"Lets start with the basics, first your name and then we'll progress"Flynn says as he pulls out his note pad.

"Anastasia Rose Steele" Ana recites, she found this comforting in a strange way. She wasn't sure why Flynn started with this every session but it strangely worked for her.

"Where do you live?"

"I live in Seattle" Ana speaks confidently.

"Okay, and who do you live with?" Flynn asks, his eyes staring right into Ana's as he waits for an answer

"I used to live with my best friend Kate, but now I live with Christian Grey" Ana replies, she sighs realising her mistake.

"Short concise answers is what I want, Ana this is what helps" Flynn reminds her before asking the question again.

"I live with Christian Grey"

"Who is Christian Grey?" Flynn takes note of Ana's mistake as she shares her new answer.

"Christian Grey is my Fiancee" Ana smiled at that thought, the thought of being engaged to Christian.

"What happened to you?" Flynn encourages Ana to speak, but she holds her tongue. This was the first week of her sessions, the third one this week. Flynn understood that she still had difficulty saying the three words she wish she could scream from the rooftops but she needed time.

"I was abused...Physcially and mentally" Ana finally spoke the words after minutes of silence, the weight had once again been lifted from her shoulders. But there was more, recent tragedies that weighed on her mind.

"I was also hunted down and kidnapped by Jack Hyde and Elena Lincoln" Flynn nods, taking the notes and setting his note book down.

"How do you feel inside, Ana? How do these tragic things that happened to you affect your life?" Flynn asks. Ana shifts in her seat, trying to express her emotions was hard but she needed to do this.

"It made me feel dead inside, for years I thought I couldn't be loved. I was a cold bitch, I shut out everyone I loved and tried to live a life without them. I was fucked up and I thought I couldn't be saved, but then Christian changed that we connected and he saw right through my hostility. I see that man as my life line, he is the only person who can keep me as sane as I have been these few months.

I know I relapsed badly when the shit with Jack Hyde went down, he made me worse. I didn't know rock bottom until then. The emotions inside of me were so fucked up, I could have ended my own life without a second thought until the day I saw my birth father, Christian's mother and my Grandmother whilst in acoma. That changed me, they made me want to deal with the pain and fight for my life, for Christian" Flynn only nodded, encouraging Ana to speak further. This was the most she had said since they started the sessions on Monday, he knew that she was beginning to make progress. There was still a lot to go through but this was the one of the huge situations that needed to be addressed first and foremost.

"I thought I was okay, John but I'm not and I realise that now. I realise that I have work to do in order to be back in Seattle with everyone I love. I need to put this all behind me so that I can start fresh and be the old Ana again. The old Ana when I was back in Montesano with Ray and Carla, I may have only been a young girl then but that was me. I was carefree, happy, fun and me. I was just me, Ana with no issues" Ana didnt want to say anymore, she didnt know what to say, she wished that she could continue this but it was too much. The tears that were rolling down her face turned into floods of tears, she wished she could stop them but it needed to happen.

"Do you want to stop?" Flynn asks handing Ana the box of tissues.

Ana nods and gives Flynn her thanks and wishing him a good weekend, they arranged their next session for monday morning before her weekly intense massage and then parted ways. She was alone once again until her team of beauty therapists arrived for an afternoon of pampering. A facial, foot massage and the much anticipated hot rock massage.

Slipping into a robe over her sweats and t-shirt, Ana perched on the couch whilst Sawyer paced the length of the lounge. Although they were friends they hadn't said much, Ana had been focussing on her and spending most of her day crying in the bedroom that she wished Christian would spend with her. She felt lonely but she needed to feel this, she needed to overcome the panic attacks that she till endured. Since leaving for Aspen Ana had endured four panic attacks, the medication helped ease them but she could still feel them whenever she allowed her mind to slip through the cracks and take her to dark places.

"The ladies are here" Sawyer announced, it had been two hours since Flynn left and Ana spent that time perched on the end of the couch allowing her mind to think through the hard killed her to be away from Christian but he understood her wish to do this alone, she needed to get over the panic of being alone and depending on Christian like he depended on her. This would be good for them.

The treatments were great, Ana enjoyed her facial and she loved the hot rock feeling of the rocks on her back working away the tension made her feel good. Ana enjoyed it so much that she booked another massage next week, these treatments she recieved made her feel better again and along with the sessions she knew it wouldn't be long until she would be back in seattle with Christian and her family and friends, happy and with all of this mess behind her. Ana was disappointed in herself, she was disappointed that she had slipped under so deep that she let it get to her as much as she did.

Once everyone left Ana entered the library, it had been stocked with Ana's favourite books plus new ones that she couldn't wait to get stuck into. Picking up a more modern choice 'Silver Linings Playbook' Ana took a seat on the chaise lounge in the centre of the room and began reading. After reading half of the book Ana had to stop, she felt sad for Pat Peoples eventhough he was getting better. The pain he had been caused made her want to jump into the book and beat the shit out of Nikki. Putting her book to the side, she stands and heads out of the library. She finds Sawyer talking to the young housekeeper, Robin. The pair had smiles on their faces as they talked in the kitchen.

"Oh! Miss Steele, is there anything I can get you?" Robin asks with a smile as she realises Ana is stood watching the pair.

"No I'm fine, I was actually going to start dinner. Do you both like Chicken penne pasta salad?" Ana replies as she continues making her way to the kitchen.

"You don't have to cook for me, I was going to make a little something when I finish up later" Robin says as she shuffles in her spot, Luke steps back a little and goes to speak up but Ana stops him.

"Nonsense, please I insist that you eat with me tonight. I said I would cook for you all whilst I'm here so please, allow me to" Ana insists with a smile, Robin only nods and hurries off with her bucket of cleaning supplies in hand.

"So, you and Robin huh?" Ana questions Sawyer as she points to the stool at the kitchen island.

"We're just friends, it's hard to be in a relationship when you have a job like this" Luke says as he takes the seat Ana pointed to.

"I guess but you should at least give it a go, I know I've spent this week crying in my bedroom and avoiding everyone but I know a nice girl when I see one" Ana replies as she begins preparing the chicken for the oven.

"There's only one person I love, Ana and it's not Robin. It's been a long time since then, though and I guess I need to move on from them though. I made my choice when I entered the Marines and I have to live with it" Sawyer wore a sad look on his face, something bothered him deeply and Ana felt the urge to Help as much as she could.

"Hey don't look sad, it'll work out if you want it to, look how about I arrange for you to go home once we're done here? I'm sure Christian will agree that you deserve a holiday after spending three weeks in Aspen with an overly depressed twenty three year old" Ana offered, Luke nodded and silently it was aggreed. Luke would go home to pursue his love interest.

"That means alot, Ana. Don't tell Mr Grey this but I prefer you to him" Luke smiles and the pair laugh.

"I'm sure it's that way for everyone, I'm the nice one we all know that" Ana replies. The pair then make small talk as Ana prepares dinner, she decides to add Bacon to the meal along with cherry tomatoes and raw onions. The pasta is mixed with a homemade sauce that is infused with cheese and then dinner is served.

Ana was proud of the meal that she made and it seemed that the house staff was enjoying it too. Dinner was a success in Ana's eyes and that made her happy. Once she cleaned up Ana decided to head upstairs where she would bathe and then call Christian for a quick talk before she slept. The time alone was helping her and already she felt tons better, the medication settled her and calmed her when she could feel the anxiety rising. Ana stepped into the oversized tub full of lavender scented bubbles and relished in the heat of the water. There was only one thing missing from this bath and it was Christian, the tub felt empty without him but Ana couldn't focus on that right now for fear that she would have a panic attack.

After washing her hair with her favourite strawberry scented shampoo, Ana stepped out of the tub and wrapped a fluffy towel around her body. It was just after 8pm and she still had time to kill before Christian would call her, decided to blow dry her hair and slip into one of the silk night dresses that had been stocked here by Christian especially for Ana to wear whilst she was staying here. The silk felt smooth on her skin, the peach material bringing out her blue eyes that had become faded and tired looking over the past few weeks. She was getting some colour back in her and looking in the mirror almost made her smile at the change. Ana opened up her laptop and waited for the call to come.

Within minutes, the default Skype tone rang through the bedroom and Ana grinned as she accepted the call. The picture was blurry for a few moments but when it became clear, the grin grew wider as she took in Christian's tired appearence. He had on a Navy Shirt with the top two buttons undone and showing off a little of his chest, he looked stressed as she dragged a hand through his hair. His eyes had bags under them but he perked up a little at the sight of Ana in her Silk night dress. For a few minutes they were silent as they stared at each other, grey to blue.

"Baby you look good in silk" Christian was the first to speak, he dragged in hand through his hair once more and flashed the panty dropping smile that Ana loved so much.

"So do you, I love that colour on you. I've missed you baby how is everyone?" Ana asks as she shuffles on the bed, she finally settles with the laptop on her lap. The camera positioned from her chest up.

"Kate thinks I've shipped you off to switzerland and calls every day to check on you, Mom and Dad send their love and your parents stopped by this afternoon and asked to give you a gift. I'll have Flynn take it to you on Monday unless you want it before then?" Christian shakes his head as Ana rolls her eyes, Kate is never easily fooled and she won't rest until she sees her in the flesh in Aspen recovering.

"Typical Kate. I'll wait until Monday, I'm sure it's nothing special. Please give Grace and Carrick my love too, I can't wait to see you all" Ana says as she removes the hair from her face.

"I'll have Flynn give it to you, then. How have you been baby? Flynn says you made progress today" Christian smiles at the thought of Ana making progress, the more progress she makes. The quicker she will be home.

"I've been up and down, it's taking its toll on me but I've been coping. I did make progress I guess, and I hope I make more at the next session. I had one of those hot rock massages today and it was so good. How are you though, is work the usual?" Ana asks, even though Christian didn't tell her much about work she still liked to ask. It meant that they could talk for longer.

"Work is work, I'm glad youre taking advantage of the facilities I've made available for you baby. Hopefully you'll be home soon with me in our own bed" Christian replies, he takes a look at his blackberry for a moment before placing it back down on his desk. Ana recognises his surroundings, he's in the formal room with the baby grand behind him. She smiles.

"Me too, have you made any progress on the house yet? What's going on with it?"

"They've started demolishing the things we planned to take down, it's going to take a few weeks to clear up but it'll be worth it. The final plan has been sent over, I'm going to have Flynn bring a copy to you. I want you to see how beautiful everything looks Ana, you're going to love it. I see you eyeing the baby grand over there" Christian looks at the baby grand and knows what he has to do next.

"Please, I love it when you play for me" Ana and Christian had begun this routine of Christian sending Ana to sleep with the soft notes of his piano. It was sweet to see his fiancee love his music so much.

"Of course I will baby, are you ready to sleep now?"

After a few more minutes of chatting, Christian takes himself to the baby grand and props his iPad infront of him. He begins his usual soft tune of a lullaby which sends Ana into a deep sleep, she is sleeping peacefully with the laptop facing her. Christian watches as she sleeps, a smile on his face at the beauty before his eyes.

"I wish I could be there with you, baby" Christian whispers before wishing her a good night and ending the call.