WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SEASON EIGHT AND NINE! READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPEND MONEY ON READING THE COMICS. DISCONTINUE YOUR JOURNEY IF YOU PREFER TO BE SURPRISED! THANKS. Slightly edited. May become a Two-Shot eventually. Just keep your eyes peeled!
Slightly edited. May become a Two-Shot eventually. Just keep your eyes peeled!
. . .
I shift my gaze from Spike's blue eyes to the dusty warehouse floor. I can feel him staring at me, but I couldn't bear to look at him after I witnessed him take a fall for me. "I'm getting an abortion," I say finally.
I look up and watch as he attempts to take in all the information. "You're pregnant?" He sputters with his eyes a mixture of confusion and awe. He sits up straight from being sprawled on the floor and continues to think about it. "W-Who's the father?"
Biting my lip, I sink to the ground to where my feet mingle with his. "Does it really matter?" I ask with a sigh. I have 'educated' guesses on the father, but I wasn't really proud of any of them. And when I reached my decision, I could really care less.
Spike allows me to forgo answering the question and instead stares at me in the way he does. He looks at me with eyes full of compassion as if he understands what I'm going through. But he doesn't. Nobody ever would, but I'm glad he's at least attempting. I cherish the silence because it's the first moment of silence I've had in a while. I know in a few hours, when the deed is done and I have to tell everybody else, there would be an unbearable amount of questions.
Willow, still mad at me for getting rid of the world's magic, might call me a murderer. Xander, while clutching my little sister in a romantic embrace, might call me a stupid slut for getting impregnated by someone I didn't even know. Dawn, enveloped in her lover's arms, might be mad at me for not giving her a niece. Kennedy, well, who the hell cares what Kennedy thinks anyway. I don't care what these people think though; right now I only care about what Spike thinks. He is the only one, through all we've been through, who still loves me the same as he has since he met me. My friendships with Willow and Xander have slowly dwindled for the fact that I've become bitchier over the years. We still talk and act like best buddies, but there is defiantly a strain between us. Now, in this silence of just me and Spike, I finally allow myself to breathe.
"Don't," Spike says with all seriousness, breaking my cherished silence. His words startle me, causing me to jump and accidentally kick him in the shin. He doesn't even react. Point one for him.
"W-What?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. He was so… blunt. It was good to see even this hint of my pain-in-the-ass Spike that practically died when he received his soul once upon a time ago. I keep myself from smiling in this serious moment.
He takes a breath, reverting back into nice-but-still-kind-of-cocky Spike, "Don't get an abortion." His words are softly reiterated, not as much force in them. Watching him, I can see that it sort-of pains him to say these words, like he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. But it doesn't matter, my feelings don't mean much to me anymore. I'm just a Slayer. Always have been and always will be.
I smile wryly, "I have to; it's the only logical thing to do." I feel my eyes betray me and tears spring up. I swallow them, trying to keep up my act of strength. One look at Spike, and I can tell that he isn't buying it. I look away yet again.
"Not the only thing," he states. I can feel him staring at me, boring a blue stream almost to my soul. Too close for comfort. I do the only thing that my scrambled brain can manage… I lash out.
I snap up my eyes, glowering at his eyes. "Oh, really? What does Almighty-Spike think I can do?" I almost scream my words sarcastically. I pull back my legs, for I no longer feel comforted by his touch. It just aggravates me. I still feel his gaze, and I don't think he has words to come back after that. And I don't blame him at all. I've treated him like crap ever since he got back, even though he's helped me deal with everything. From the destruction of the Seed of Magyik to Giles's death, he's been there and allows me to treat him in this horrible way. I think he's gotten used to it, but when I hear a soft sniffle across from me, I know that he hasn't and Sensitive Spike is back to reign.
Moments later, I feel his foot mingle with one of mine once again. I allow the contact and once again feel a tug of comfort with the companionship of shoes. I shyly bring my eyes up to meet his now tear-filled eyes. I watch as he carefully wipes a crystal tear from the bottom lashes of his right eye, trying to hide it from me. Finally, he looks at me in my green eyes, "Adoption." His words are soft.
I give him a twisted smile, "And why would I do that? It seems the whole world is pitted against me, so this baby," I clutch my stomach to remind him that this is all real, "would just end up dead. I might as well end his or her life before I watch them die in a brutal fashion." I feel the tears spring to my eyes and I smile at the vampire. I feel myself breaking down, and I hate how it feels.
My words of death cause Spike's head to snap up and I watch as his eyes fill with anger. "Don't say that," he growls. He pushes himself up from the ground, and his nose flares, "Listen to yourself, luv!"
"What? Speak the truth? Spike, I know what I have to do. I've sorted everything out with Robin. It's happening tomorrow," I say softly, cowering under his terror. This is the first time Spike's scared the hell out of me, well, since he came back. For me.
Spike bursts into a maniac laugh, "Robin? You planned this with Robin? Remember when he wanted to kill me all those years ago? The bloke want's everybody around bloody dead!" He takes a deep breath, an attempt to calm himself down. Instead, his body ends up shaking in terror. How upset he is, is very prominent and I have to say, it's actually heart-breaking. When he gets all worked up like this, I can see the strain it puts on him to continue loving me. I don't understand why he still does when it hurts him. "Remember when I first told you I love you?" He asks, breaking me out of my train of thought.
"Huh?" I'm deeply confused; I don't understand how his profession of love has anything to do with my abortion. He's talking about the birth of a love, when I'm talking about the death of a child.
"Do. You. Remember. When. I. Told. You. I. Loved. You, Buffy?" he reiterates, punctuating every word patiently. His cobalt eyes shine with a glittering of tears, as if I can forget. As if I am capable of forgetting.
I give him a small smile, "Of course I do. But I don't see how this has to do with any—" I don't get to finish because spike places an icy finger on my lips to quiet me. I lick his finger in an immature attempt to get him to move it. He doesn't even flinch.
He takes another deep breath before looking me straight in the eyes. I can't pull myself to look away, even though I want to. He uses his free hand to pull me close to his body and my cheeks flush at the closeness. We haven't been this close since he died, it is a new feeling. Weird, but still welcomed and comforting. "If you remember properly, I told you I loved you and you thought it was my biggest joke and scandal. You hated me—you hated the whole bloody idea," his eyes glass over in remembrance of the saddest time in his life. "I told you over and over and you refused to even trust me until Dawn was found by Little Miss Hell-God. Glory. Do you know why you rejected me?" He removes his finger at long last.
"Because you were—are—a vampire and I was in love with Riley," I reply softly. I couldn't recall the whole truth. But that seems to be the gist of it. When I spy the slight eye roll from the vampire, I know I am partially wrong.
He now takes his hand away from my body and in turn, grabs my shoulders. "No, you couldn't love me because I had no soul. I killed things. I was a monster." He smiles, "Said you could never love a monster." I open my mouth to ask what this has to do with my abortion, again and he gives me a shush. "If you get an abortion, you'll be turning into a killer. A monster. How could you live with yourself anymore?"
I feel a single tear escape my eye, "I don't know, but I will. I have to, Spike." My words are soft and I can tell they pain him. I wiggle out of his grasp and caress his cheek briefly. " I have to," I reiterate. I place my lips on his cheek and turn to leave. I'm almost to the exit when he calls out to me.
"Let me come with you, luv." Spike's words echo in the empty space surrounding us.
I turn, surprised at his bluntness. "Why would you do that?" I ponder, raising my eyebrow at him.
He bites his lip, nervous, "Support. I don't care if I fry, I want to be there." His eyes are filled with hope and I give him a warm smile.
"Thank you. I'll stop by on my way," I promise, my fingers tied behind my back. I turn and leave him alone in the dark. I leave my love. Alone and lied to. I cannot take him, it would hurt too much. I love him too much to see him have to go through this abortion. But I know what I would have named this child…William. Just like the father.
A/N: Well, this was written before #6 or #7 came out. But DANG! I just read some spoilers and My heart just shattered into a million little pieces. I'll write a fic for that when I have the time again. I hope you guys like it, and please check out my other Buffy fics! Thanks and Don't forget to Review!