Title: Minority Report - The Remix

Disclaimer: It's kinda obvious that I don't own any of the original characters ... they came from the wonderful Phillip K. Dick ... or Steven Spielberg.

A/N: Hoorah, people are still reading-n-reviewing this fic! Wow. Good stuff guys.

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TOM:: Blub blub.

COLIN FANGIRLS:: And that translates as ...?

TOM:: I'm a celebrity, get me out of here?

SPIDERS:: Hoo yes! He's in here, he really is!

TOM:: Meep.

SPIDERS:: *wander over to Tom and start electrocuting him*

TOM:: Okay, okay, sheesh! You could just ask nicely y'know!

MEANWHILE DOWNSTAIRS ...

FLETCH:: Hey, looks like the big cat re-appeared again.

HENCHMAN:: Huh?

FLETCH:: Y'know the one which we thought slipped out when in actual fact it was Tom dunking himself in water. We should go and check it out. *wander upstairs*

AUDIENCE:: Okaaaay.

INT. OF DINGY BATHROOM

SPIDER:: Fine then - can you please lift your bandage so we can ID you?

TOM:: Sure! *lifts bandage and winces a little*

SPIDER:: Scanning retina ...

TOM:: Could you hurry it up a little? It's starting to go a funny colour. I'm not supposed to lift the bandage up anyway.

SPIDER:: Sorry, all done. Let's go boys. *tootles off*

LITTLE SPIDER:: Can I have your autograph?

TOM:: Sure! *signs ... something*

DOWNSTAIRS

FLETCH:: Dang, it wasn't him.

COLIN:: Tough luck then. *chews gum*

COLIN FANGIRLS:: *swoon*

EXT. OF VERY BIG IMPORTANT BUILDING

KIDS:: Oh look, it's a creepy statue!

TEACHER:: That is the statue of the three pre-cogs. They're amazing, aren't they?

ONE SMART A - CHILD:: Yes, look at the smooth contour lines of this statue, and the unusual use of the metals titanium and bronze mixed together and the lack of any detail whatsoever so the statue resembles three blobs ...

AUDIENCE:: Always get one everywhere ...

TEACHER:: Uh, I meant the pre-cogs.

KIDS:: Ooh, can we go see them? Can we, can we?

TEACHER:: Nuh-uh, they need to work very hard 24 hours a day, we shouldn't disturb them.

TOM:: Tweedley, no one can see me behind this. *he's right, no one does.* Now, then ... *gets out the weird metal contraption* So, I put this to my forehead, right?

GIDEON:: No, under your chin. Look. *takes it off Tom and demonstrates on himself* See? It piles on the years on your face!

TOM:: Nice look there. Might not work for me, I just got Botox-ed yesterday.

GIDEON:: Just do it.

TOM:: Okay then. *sticks thing under chin* OUCH!

GIDEON:: Sssh, do you want everyone to hear you?

TOM:: Sorry ... wait, why are you helping me? *Gideon has gone* Hello? I'm all alone ...

TOM FANGIRL:: Aw, poor baby!

TOM:: *wanders off to a conveniently located back door*

STEVEN SPIELBERG:: It is not conveniently located. Buildings have doors. That is a building he just went into via a door.

AUDIENCE:: Yeah, whatever. Man the security sure is slack.

INT. OF VERY BIG IMPORTANT BUILDING

TOM:: Need to get eyeballs out ... *rummages around in plastic bag*

GIRLS:: Eeeew! Gross!

BOYS:: Whoa, far out! Eyeballs rock!

TOM:: Oops! Clumsy little me! *eyeballs fall out of packet start running ... no, bouncing away from him*

AUDIENCE:: They don't seem to be very attached to him.

TOM:: Gotcha! *grabs the remaining eyeball just before it falls into a conveniently located drain mesh*

STEVEN SPIELBERG:: It isn't ... ah what the heck, I need to have a word with my location managers.

TOM:: Let's get ready to go inside my pretty!

EYEBALL:: *whimpers* Why do I feel so used?

TOM:: *machine beeps and lets him through* Hey whaddya know, it worked! My plan worked!

DR. SOLOMON:: It was my plan actually. Why do you think I gave you that metal contraption thing to make you look older? Hmmm?

TOM:: Oh be quiet. *goes inside*

INT. OF TEMPLE

WALLY:: Hey, unauthorised access! Not allowed in here!

TOM:: I've always liked you ...

WALLY:: Nu-uh! Unauthorised access! No strangers allowed in here!

TOM:: *coughs* I've always liked you Wally ...

WALLY:: Go away! Before I ring the alarm!

TOM:: It's me you idiot!

WALLY:: Tom? Wow, being a fugitive has really changed you!

INT. OF OFFICE UPSTAIRS

FLETCH:: Hey, who's that weird old man in the Temple?

JED:: Must be Wally's uncle.

COLIN:: No, it's Tom! *tries to use doors*

INT. OF TEMPLE

TOM:: *closes the doors* I need Agatha.

WALLY:: *smug* Well, don't we all.

AGATHA:: Take me away from him!! Now!

TOM:: Okay sweetie. *hops into pool*

COLIN:: *smashes window and jumps down* Not so fast pal! You're going nowhere!

COLIN FANGIRLS:: Wow, he's so resourceful!

COLIN:: *flips fringe in slo-mo* Well, I am amazing. Yes adore me, I'm used to it.

TOM:: You've stolen my limelight for too long Colin! *pulls plug*

AGATHA:: Hey, cool slide! Wheeeeeee! *both get flushed down the slide*

COLIN:: Where is he taking her, Wally, tell me now!

WALLY:: He took my Aggie! Nooo!

COLIN:: What's happening to the other pre-cogs?

WALLY:: My Aggie, my Aggie! *wails*

GIDEON:: Since Wally is in no mood to enlighten us, allow me. Since Agatha or "Aggie" is the strongest female, the twins cannot see anything without her. If it was one of the twins Tom took, then that'd be fine, but without Agatha, they can't make any freaky premonitions.

COLIN:: Which means if someone is killed before Agatha is returned no one will ever know!

GIDEON:: How's that for some irony?