Okay, so i couldn't think of how to continue JellyBabies, so i thought i'd embarass myself and upload this one-shot i was orginally going to post on Deidara's birthday but i chickened out...

Uh... this is my first time ever writing anything smutty... so um, Be nice? (I Am Uber Embarassed About This... but i figured eh, what the hell?)

WARNINGS: Yaoi/Shounen-ai = SasoDei and implied others... bad smex... maybe swearing also

Disclaimer: If i owned Naruto/Shippuden, you seriously think i'd be writing things like this?


Pay for everything

Don't ask or answer any personal questions

Don't tell him your name

Don't call him by his

Don't let him mark you

Don't stay long enough for him to wake up

These were the rules by which Deidara lived his life. Well, his sex life at least, it would be undoubtedly hard to base a career on those rules, not that he couldn't do it but it just wasn't worth the hassle.

See, Deidara didn't do relationships. He had seen too many of them fail throughout the course of his life. His parents' marriage had failed and he slowly watched as every other relationship either of them tried to have, crumbled to the ground. Nobody he knew had good luck with relationships, not his teachers from back in high school, not his college friend turned jobless bum, Hidan. Not his colleague Itachi or his annoying neighbor Tobi. In fact the only person he knew with a successful relationship was his boss Pein.

He assumed it was the supreme romantic failure he had witnessed in his life that made him this way; so cynical and stuck in his ways, disbelieving of love and content to have a string of one night stands. At least, he tried every single night to convince himself that he was content.

Every man he was with was just another notch on his belt. Though Itachi said with his track record, it was probably all notches by now and no belt. That was why he couldn't keep his pants on long enough to have a proper date.

So it was no surprise to Deidara, the morning after his birthday when he woke in a bed that wasn't his, in a room he didn't recognize, warm and wrapped up in the arms of somebody he didn't know.

Opening his eyes, Deidara saw a haze of red hair and the sleeping face of a man who looked about seventeen. He hoped deep down inside that he hadn't, in his drunken state, had sex with a minor, but vaguely remembered hearing the man was actually twenty-six.

His body ached, his head was throbbing and his heart began to speed up as he recalled the details from last night. It had been one hell of a night but as he replayed it back in his mind, he noticed several things before this point, several things that possibly led him here, that were worrisome, for lack of a better word.

*Last Night*

It was around ten when he walked into the bar, it was a short way from the place he worked and he was somewhat of a regular there. He didn't know how he managed to avoid ever running into anybody he'd slept with, as he did all his pick-ups there but he had a sneaking suspicion that he had some hidden talent for picking out guys who were feeling adventurous and not the type to frequent places like this.

Deidara walked up to the bar, avoiding the people sitting at the tables haphazardly positioned around the room and making eye-contact with people standing around the room alone or in small groups, as foundation work for later.

He knew the bartender quite well; his name was Zetsu, a good match for Tobi since they were both equally disturbed – what, he couldn't play matchmaker? He had already set Itachi up with a guy in shipping; Kisame, and Hidan up with some investment banker, Kakuzu, not that any of it would last – and they exchanged a few words, a happy birthday and a free drink before Deidara set his sights out on the room and Zetsu moved on to serve others.

There was nothing too interesting that night, which figured since it was a Sunday. Sure, there were a few lookers in the crowd but nothing too appealing. Still, Deidara knew from experience, that if it got too late, he'd settle for the next thing that walked in the door because he really didn't want to go home alone. He needed to feel like somebody wanted him, just for a few hours.

He finished his drink, turning to order another one, slamming his glass on the bar top to get Zetsu's attention, he wanted to get drunk and drown out the truth that sang loudly in his mind. All of this was out of fear of being alone, but he was too afraid to try and be with somebody.

Still, before he could order another drink, somebody placed money down next to the glass and said, "It's on me."

Rule #1 went out the window just like that as Deidara was in no position just then to refuse a free drink; all he wanted was to get more alcohol into his body and he didn't care how. When Zetsu came around, the stranger ordered two of whatever Deidara had been drinking and offered one to the blonde, allowing Deidara to get a good look at him.

He had striking blood red hair that stood out in the drab, brown, beige, boring colors of the bar. He looked like a child, albeit a tall, well-built child but a child nonetheless, the only sign of age was his eyes, bored chocolate brown, half-lidded eyes that looked Deidara up and down with little interest just as the blonde was checking him out.

"You're here alone?" the man asked, finishing his drink quickly and ordering another, he was, as it seemed, also intent on getting drunk that night.

"Yeah un, you?"

The redhead nodded.



"I haven't seen you around."

"I live…" Deidara paused at that point, what was he doing? Rule #2 was about to go flying, no it was already gone, so fast, just like that he had broken two of his rules. The redhead stared at him expectantly, Deidara just couldn't resist and finished, "I live in the west side of town but I work about a block away. I haven't seen you around either."

The other man shrugged, "I don't usually go out."

Another round of drinks were ordered and drank, conversation flowed freely between the two, Deidara told him without really meaning to, about his life, his work, his family – or lack thereof – his past, as they drank more and more, things became more and more personal. There was just something about this man that demanded truth. Not that he didn't talk as well; Deidara learned quite a few interesting things about this man as well. He also lacked a proper family, was stuck in a dead-end job though he was an aspiring artist. He spent most of his spare time, in fact, working on his art.

About six drinks later, Deidara suggested they go somewhere private and the redhead mentioned he lived just around the corner. They made their way there, stumbling drunkenly and laughing – Deidara couldn't remember laughing and having it actually mean something, in a long time – but once they got inside, all humor was gone.

The door was closed and moments later, Deidara found himself pressed against it, the redhead's lips pressed to his in a sloppy kiss that somehow, for some reason, sent jolts of excitement through his body. He soon felt teeth nipping at his bottom lip and opened his mouth obligingly, moaning as he felt the others' tongue brush against his own.

Deidara felt butterfly kisses trail across his jawline and up and down his throat as the other un-did his shirt, he moaned again, lightly and felt the redhead smirk against his skin.

"So are you going to give me your name?" he whispered huskily.

Deidara felt a shiver run down his spine and his mind was already beginning to cloud over, "Y-you first, un?" he asked.

The redhead smirked even wider, "Sasori," he said, his hot breath brushing against Deidara's skin.

"Deidara," he said. Well, there goes Rule #3 and Rule #4.

"Well Deidara," Sasori said, enjoying the way the blondes name rolled off his tongue, "how about we take this to the bedroom?"

Deidara nodded eagerly and let himself be led there, treating his lack of a shirt and his neglect of his own rules, with complete disregard.

When they reached the bedroom, Sasori kissed him again, immediately pushing his tongue into the blonde's mouth, edging him backwards until he hit the bed, toppling over with the redhead on top of him. Sasori straddled the blonde, hands running up and down his stomach and chest, exploring his body as their tongues continued to clash, he pushed his knee between Deidara's legs, brushing against his crotch, causing the blonde the moan and arch his back, pressing their bodies closer together.

Slowly, Sasori moved his hand beneath the waistband of Deidara's pants touching him teasingly through the material of his boxers while his mouth moved down his throat, once more, licking and sucking random spots before roughly biting down, causing Deidara to hiss out in pain. Subconsciously, Deidara mourned for Rule #5.

Sasori's mouth continued on its way down while his hands worked on getting Deidara's pants undone and pulling them off. He made a trail down to the waistband of Deidara's boxers and looked up at the blonde, feigning innocence in a way only he could.

"Q-quit teasing and j-just do it already!" Deidara whined. He wasn't usually the whiney type, but the alcohol and this situation, seemingly new to him, didn't help to keep his composure in check.

Sasori smirked and with one fluid motion, had the blondes' boxers off, leaving him completely exposed while the redhead still remained fully clothed. He let his tongue flick out lazily and graze the tip of Deidara's hardening member and moved slowly up and down, his mouth soon taking it in, inch by inch, causing the blonde to moan out, fingers threading through red locks.

"S-Sasori un!" Deidara moaned, resisting the urge to push the other down even further. It felt like he was burning up, the simple actions of the redhead turning him into a hot, sweaty, moaning mess.

Sasori smirked bobbing his head up and down faster, running his tongue along the vein that ran along the length, enjoying the breathless moans emitting from the blonde. He kept going until he felt Deidara nearing his peak before pulling back, letting the others length fall from his mouth.

Deidara whimpered at the loss of contact, shifting uncomfortably on the bed, now fully aware of hungry brown eyes staring down at him and the redhead quickly undressed. He sat up and began to assist Sasori, unbuttoning his pants while the other took off his shirt.

"Eager?" Sasori asked, following his words with a smirk.

"Shut up, un."

Sasori pressed three fingers to Deidara's lips and the blonde nodded, taking them into his mouth one at a time, coating them evenly, running his tongue over and between each of them before Sasori took them out, placing his hand near Deidara's entrance.

"This might hurt," he said quietly, pushing the first finger in slowly and placing gentle kisses on Deidara's neck to try and distract him as he pushed the second finger in. thrusting his fingers in and out, he began pulling them apart, stretching him for what was to come and slowly he added the third finger, pushing in deeper, looking for that one spot…

"Ah, Danna un!"


The blonde blushed lightly, "shut-up Sasori, un!" Rule 4# broken yet again.

Chuckling, Sasori pulled his fingers out and removed his boxers, positioning himself at Deidara's entrance and waiting for permission. Getting a nod from Deidara, he pushed in slowly, stopping when he heard the blonde cry out.

"Sorry," he panted, this blonde was tight and it took all of his will-power not to pound into him right then and there.

"d-don't apologize… j-just keep going," Deidara moaned, shifting, trying to get used to the feeling of having Sasori inside of him.

Sasori was more than happy to oblige and continued until he was fully sheathed, pausing once more and waiting for Deidara to get used to it.

It hurt like nothing Deidara had ever felt before. He wasn't used to being bottom and if he knew it felt like this he never would've let Sasori dominate him this way. Yet even through the stinging, almost burning sensation, there was still a faint buzzing pleasure in the background and he knew it would no doubt get better if he were able to withstand the pain.

He gave Sasori a short, weak nod and closed his eyes tight as Sasori began to move, slowly at first but quickly building up a rhythm, speed increasing slowly, planting another sloppy, messy kiss on Deidara's lips.

For Deidara it was agony. It only got worse as it went on, he was seconds from begging Sasori to stop, when he felt a sudden burst of pleasure rushing through him, his back arched and his hips moved against his will.

"Ah Danna, un!" he cried out, ignoring any pride he might've once had, "again un, d-do that again!"

Sasori smirked and angled his hips so that he hit Deidara's sweet spot with each thrust and soon the blonde was moving along with him, moaning and begging almost incoherently as Sasori began to move faster, thrusting with all of his strength into the blonde's tight heat.

When Sasori felt himself getting close, he let his hand slide between their bodies and grasp Deidara's neglected member, stroking him in time with his thrusts.

For Deidara, it was all too much to take at once and he came all over himself and Sasori, the redhead, unable to handle the rapid tightening of Deidara's muscles around him, he came soon after, deep within the blonde.

*Present Time*

Deidara rubbed his neck, feeling a small amount of caked blood where Sasori had bitten him.

Something had gone so wrong last night; it had been as though he were living somebody else's live for a while, or like somebody else had been living his. Sasori, he was good at getting Deidara to react, in ways he never thought he could; in ways he was always afraid to act.

There was only one last rule left to break; Rule #6: don't stay long enough for him to wake up.

Fear told him to run. Rationality told him to get up right then, grab his clothes from wherever they had landed, and run as fast as he could away from here, where a strange, uncertain happiness slept and he felt like he could smile and mean it. He wanted to run from this but it was, all at the same time, exciting as well.

Yet he knew, he knew that they always left in the end. They lied, they lulled you into a false believing and they betrayed you and left at the very last moment.

Well not today, nuh-uh, not to him. He wasn't going to be abandoned anymore; he wasn't going to wait around for nothing. But, those words were rendered useless suddenly as Sasori opened his eyes. Deidara's heart began pounding as he wondered what would happen.

Sasori blinked a couple of times, allowing himself time to wake up as he looked into a pair of deep blue eyes.

"You're still here," he said, smirking, "I half expected you to be climbing down the fire escape right now."

"Huh, un?"

"You seem the type to try and get away. I'm surprised that your still here is all," Sasori sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes; he had to be at work soon, "it's not an unpleasant surprise though. I wouldn't mind waking up this way every morning."

Deidara frowned, "I don't know about that, un," he said, fear biting back in the depths of his mind, "but you know, I could get used to it too."

Rule #6 broken.

Ah... i usually never write footnotes but i just needed to further express how disturbed i am to know i have written such a thing. *hides under the bed in shame*