(After 3.10, Dream a Little Dream of Me) I am clearly an asshole because of this chapter. My beta sister said so.
Sam fiddled with his phone, taking deep breaths as he paced around his motel room. He felt pathetic. It'd barely been a week since he saw Loki. Sam and Dean had just stopped a dream jumper and he was plagued with the heated images of Bela shedding her trench coat and revealing a skimpy outfit. He was so relieved that it wasn't a dream about Loki that time. He felt at least somewhat sane about it and clung to the last shreds of heterosexuality he had. He DID still like women. Apparently dangerous, back stabbing women; but hey, she was female and (biologically speaking) human.
But Sam was not willing to give Bela ammunition against him just to get off. Pursuing her was a silent 'NO' between Sam and Dean. She'd already almost gotten them killed so many times. She'd stolen the colt, sent an insane vampiric Gordon Walker on their heels, SHOT Sam and countless other insults that ground road salt into the wounds. Off limits.
It still left Sam uncomfortably frustrated and he tentatively called up Loki for an address. He wanted to get more control over the situation.
On his way to the address, Sam caved and bought Max a real raw hide bone that he picked up from a corner store. Max went ballistic and Sam smiled, watching Max trot around with it in his mouth as though he'd hunted it and killed it himself. Max also let Sam scratch his ears every time he made a lap around the living room. Loki laughed softly at the small dog's excitement.
"You know, I could get him anything he wants but he still loves your treats." Loki waited for Max to settle behind the couch as actually start gnawing on the bone before he turned his attention to Sam. Sam hadn't taken off his jacket immediately, even though he normally just laid it over Loki's arm chair. Loki sauntered over to Sam, "My, you're back fast."
"Yeah, well... a lot of things happened." Sam felt he should do something with his hands so he shoved them in his pocket.
"You sort of ran off so fast I was sure it was going to be another month." Loki grinned wryly, "Can't say I'm disappointed to be wrong."
"I... was hoping we could do something... different." Sam said reluctantly. Loki's brows rose in interest.
"Oh? Sam's been thinking dirty thoughts?" Loki's arm encircled Sam's waist and he led him to the bedroom, "Something creative? Something like a bit of bondage? or toys? Role playing?" Loki's smile was just so wide and Sam's face burned because he hadn't thought of those possibilities, but now Loki was just putting thoughts into his head. Ones he liked.
"I guess... you could call it role playing." Sam awkwardly sat on the bed and Loki stood between his legs, his thumb tracing down Sam's jaw and neck. Sam swallowed, thinking maybe he should ditch this idea and go home because he felt the same as he always did when Loki touched him.
"Mm? And what are we playing, huh? Doctor and nurse? Teacher/student? Delivery man and customer?" Loki was clearly having way too much fun and was rattling off ideas way too easy to be normal. Sam took a deep breath.
"Well you can shape-shift." Sam stated and received a pure 'duh, trickster' look for Sam's effort. Sam knitted his fingers together and looked down a moment, "There's this... girl I would like to... you know, sleep with and I was wondering if you could turn into her." Sam looked back up at Loki, only to find all the excitement slowly drain into a confused frown.
"You want me to turn into someone else you know." Loki asked slowly and Sam's face reddened because it sounded really bad when Loki said it, "Why not just go sleep with her?"
"Well, she's sort of..." Sam made some helpless hand gestures, "She's pretty much pure evil, and I know you can shape-shift so I thought..." Sam intentionally trailed off, hoping Loki could stop giving him that look like he wasn't making sense. Loki took a step back, rubbing his chin, looking conflicted.
"That's what you want?" Loki finally spoke, no longer having any excitement in his voice.
"Yes." Sam nodded, shoulders relaxing. Sleeping with a Bela-double would be much easier than Loki. Bela was a face he didn't mind walking away from after they were done. Loki let out a slow breath.
"Picture her the way you like." Loki ordered and Loki rested a hand on his head. Sam thought back to the dream; of Bela walking in, wanting him, in her coat and lingerie. Loki snapped his fingers and Sam looked up, finding Loki was still here. Sam was confused, at least until he saw Bela, in her coat, standing at the end of the bed.
Loki stepped back, looking her over with the look of a strict critic, "Well, at least you've got good taste." Bela seated herself next to Sam on the bed and Sam looked up at Loki.
"You're not..." Sam was perhaps hoping Loki would BE her. Maybe throw in some teasing while in Bela's body. He didn't want Loki to just watch what he wanted to do with Bela or for a threesome. That wasn't what he wanted.
"She's like my dancing girls." Loki shrugged, and a frown looked so out of place on Loki's face, "Just tell her to leave when you're done and she'll disappear." Loki took a breath and became only slightly more upbeat, "Bonus, you'll only be 5 doors down from your motel room." His fingers snapped again and Loki's room was swallowed up and what appeared was a motel room much like the one he and Dean had rented. Sam stood, looking around, ignoring Bela and going to the door. He opened it and found he really was in the same motel complex; same parking lot. He closed the door and pressed his back against it, feeling dazed. This wasn't what he'd hoped for at all. It felt all wrong.
Bela stood from the bed, just as beautiful and elegant as he ever saw her and she untied her coat, "You know, Sam." Sam groaned in despair, she even had the same British accent as she walked towards him, "I'm still here for you." The coat parted and yeah, the smallest detail was perfect.
"I..." He looked at her and shook his head, "No." It all felt wrong, "I'm sorry..." She walked up to him, looking him in the eye, breasts displayed all for him.
"I'm here for you, Sam." She told him. He looked at her, with her confident leer and perfectly beautiful body. It was so unfair. He felt nothing. He didn't want her. Yes, sexually appealing but there wasn't anything. There was no affection or any positive emotions towards her. Dean would call him a girl for it, but he couldn't do it if he didn't like her.
"Just leave." Sam said, "Leave." And like smoke, she dissipated.
Sam slid down the door and buried his face in his hands. He sat still for a good few minutes, mulling over what just happened. He wasn't sure what solution he'd been hoping for, but he hadn't intended for it to go like that. He wasn't even sure what he'd been asking. The sad part was that he got what he thought he wanted, but he didn't like it.
Sam took out his cell and dialed Loki's number. It rang once. Twice. Five times before Loki picked up.
"Having fun?" Loki asked and Sam let out a breath he had been holding.
"Not really..." Sam stood up slowly, "I... I didn't want that."
"You asked for it." Loki said with a twinge of bitterness, "I gave you exactly what you asked for."
"I didn't want her, I... I wanted you." Sam muttered and paced up and down the length of the room.
"If this is about you topping there's a better way of asking." Sam could almost hear the roll of Loki's eyes
"It's... It's not about that." Sam shrugged his shoulders uncomfortably, "I... it was a dream I had, and I didn't think you'd mind."
"I mind." Loki told him sharply, "I don't shift myself into some macho muscle head to get laid, Sam. This is my body. This is me. If you don't want to sleep with me, sleep with someone else. I'm not going to turn into someone else so that you can pretend it's not me." Sam's mouth went dry and he swallowed. Yeah, that's what he'd been hoping for. It just didn't work out well. "That's it, isn't it?"
"I'm sorry." Sam said, "I'm... really stressed out right now. I'm not sure what I want." Loki was quiet and Sam bit his thumb nail, worried that he really messed up and that Loki would just write him off.
Finally, Loki spoke, "If you come over, we can try it again. But I assure you, we're doing it MY way this time. And you can be sure that I'll have you screaming my name by the end of the night." Sam felt a hot shutter slide down his spine at the promise. Should he just go and lose himself again? He wanted to. But he knew he shouldn't. Sam opened his mouth to say his answer but there was a beep and all he heard was dial tone.
Sam closed his phone and held his head for a moment. But eventually he left the motel room, walking to his and Dean's motel room which was only a few steps away.
Fifteen minutes later, Sam knocked on Loki's door and Loki opened it himself, eying Sam. Sam gave an awkward smile as a greeting and held out a half melted chocolate bar; which he'd stolen from Dean's bag. Loki glanced at the candy and took it, opening the door wider in response. Sam stepped in and took off his jacket, laying it over Loki's chair. Loki closed the door and opened the wrapper, taking a bite and Sam stood awkwardly. Max greeted him happily enough, tail wagging and panting up at Sam. Sam smiled and bent down to scratch his ears.
Loki seemed pleased with the apology candy and wrapped it up, putting it in a drawer for later. Sam stood and Loki took his hand, leading him back into the bedroom, a warmer smile on his face and Sam felt his chest tighten at that smile.
"Time to make good on my promise." Loki said and the door closed after them on its own.
Sam scrunched his eyes together, being blinded with the sunlight coming from the open window across the room. He sighed, pressing more into his pillow, but his pillow was warm and had a heartbeat. Sam tilted his head away from the sun, finding he was laying on Loki and Loki was on his back, reading a paperback book. Loki gave him a smile which nearly made the trickster look angelic in the sunlight.
"Morning, sunshine." Loki said and Sam groaned.
"Shit. Shit." Sam muttered, "I was out all night..."
"You were damn tired." Loki then pointed downward, "and then THAT happened and I just couldn't wake you." Sam looked down and found Max was curled up between their legs, snoring softly through his jowls.
"Oh my god..." Sam groaned into Loki's chest.
Loki grinned, "Cute, right?"
"Fucking adorable." Sam muttered, a smile on his face. Sam slowly forced himself up, knowing Dean would be wondering where he was. Half of Max's warmth pulled away and he rumbled and lifted his head sleepily, "Dean's going to be freaking out if he's looking for me."
"Mm, better skedaddle on back then." Loki said and gestured for Sam to come closer. Sam paused, but then he leaned over. Loki took his chin in hand and pulled him into another warm kiss. Sam kissed back lazily, feeling warmth spread out in his veins. He wanted to say fuck it and crawl back into bed but he didn't have any excuse to give his brother that would make it okay.
"I've got to go." Sam muttered and gave Loki one more soft kiss before drawing away.
"I know." Loki smiled and Sam first checked his phone, groaning when he found at least 2 messages from Dean on his cell. Sam dressed as he listened to messages. He gave Max a goodbye pat and then a Loki a goodbye smile before he left and finally called Dean back, "No Dean, I'm not dead..."