AN: This evolved from a conversation regarding beards… I read Tony Stark as Shark, and it only went downhill… So…the premise is sex sharks. And as cracky as that sounds, and as much as I wanted to aim for crack… Have some weirdo plot with crack as the excuse for anything even weirder or convenient. For jenshit on Tumblr, who is way too responsible for the shampoo comment.

Yummy Yummy

Gabriel and Castiel were brothers. They had the same mother, but different fathers. Gabriel had his mother's golden hair and mischievous smile, her short stature, and his father's golden eyes. Castiel's hair was the same dark, chocolate brown as his father's; his nose and blue eyes were exactly like his mother's.

Though they looked human, the brothers were anything but. In this respect, they fully took after their mother. A hidden set of jagged teeth like a vampire's, a pair of small wings with a meager four foot span, and an insatiable thirst.

Gabriel grinned down at the bloody corpse as he twirled the knife in his hand. He looked up as Castiel picked himself up off the floor. 'You make the best bait,' he complimented, tossing the knife onto the body. 'You okay?'

Castiel made a face and rubbed his arm. 'I feel odd,' he said.

'That's what happens when you get two sirens messing with each other,' Gabriel said with a laugh. 'You okay? Don't feel like jumping anyone?'

Castiel grimaced and looked away in embarrassment. He hadn't meant to get wrapped up in the siren's scent, but that was how their cousins worked: luring in their victims with what they desired. He didn't like the thought that he would never find someone that actually smelled so good. Nor the fact that he would be willing to do anything for them. 'No. We should think about leaving.'

Gabriel held his hand up. 'Not so fast! We just got here. We should stick around for a bit,' he said. He looked around the living room they were in. 'C'mon, she had a nice pad. Be a waste to just leave it uninhabited.'


'Cas! College town! Night life! Horny twenty-somethings full of life and need!' he said excitedly. 'It's the reason stopped! You smelled it when we drove down that street with all the bars. Screw the hauntings. Let's fuckin' binge for once!'

Castiel sighed in resignation. He did smell it. The whole town smelled of it. So many humans looking for a cheap date. It was the perfect hunting ground without being overpopulated by their own kind. The only problem was the siren that resided in the town, living off the population. It didn't take them too long to take care of that problem. But that was it. She had been the only threat.

He watched as Gabriel removed his coat and stretched his tawny, speckled wings. He quickly checked to make certain the curtains were drawn before following suit, letting out a happy sigh when his own, darker wings were no longer constrained.

'So it's decided. We'll stick around for a few months. Y'know, I think I'll take her old job!' Gabriel declared, picking up the dead siren's nametag from the bar where she had worked.

'I believe that would be in bad taste…'

Gabriel scoffed and rolled his eyes. 'No, it's not. We'll get things sorted in the morning…get this place and all her shit switched over to us. Funds are startin' to run low… You take care of the banking side, I'll get utilities. Just don't get too distracted.'

He flapped his wings excitedly when he reached the entertainment center. 'Young Indiana Jones! Now I feel bad for killing her… Ooh! Y'know what we should do?' he said, looking over his shoulder at the dead siren. 'You'll have to make a detour over to the cops in the morning…' He giggled to himself and turned his attention back to the DVDs.

As Gabriel began picking through the DVD collection, another pair of brothers arrived on the other side of town.


Dean groaned as he collapsed onto the cheap, motel bed. He curled around a pillow and muttered about how he never wanted to get up. 'Sammy!' he called out, slightly muffled by the pillow. 'Sam! Lights…'

Sam ignored Dean's plea and busied himself with setting up his laptop. He pulled up all the information on the victims that Bobby had sent him and leaned back as he read through it. 'Bobby's right,' he said after a few minutes, 'It looks like we're dealing with a siren.'

'Another one?' Dean grumbled miserably.

'Yeah,' Sam replied with a laugh. 'This time, do us both favor and don't fall for it.'

'I didn't fall for him.'

Sam gave Dean a knowing look that went unnoticed and smiled to himself. 'Whatever you say. The police still have the latest vic in the morgue. We should go first thing.'

Dean moaned his annoyance, but agreed anyway. As Sam typed away, Dean drifted off to sleep, dreaming about his favorite bands singing on rocky coastlines.


Dean yawned behind a fist as Sam flashed his badge to the officer manning the desk. From the corner of his eye, he caught sight of someone heading his way. He turned his head to look fully at the man. Just because he was on the job, didn't mean he wasn't allowed to look at someone pretty. And those pretty blue eyes were quite the sight, wrapped up in a dark suit and tan overcoat. He gave a charming smile as the man slowed and raised his eyes to Dean.

Castiel was on his way out of the police station when he breathed in deeply. Someone close by smelled amazing. Better than the scent the siren had concocted. His heart beat faster as he drew closer and slowed his pace. He could feel eyes on him, and he looked up in the direction the enticing smell was coming from. He managed to keep himself from groaning when the scent from the green-eyed man intensified.

'Hello,' he greeted then bit his lip. Whoever the man was, Castiel doubted he would need to use any pheromones to help lure him in.

'Hi,' Dean replied. He held his hand out to Castiel. 'Agent Turner.'

Castiel took Dean's hand and shook it. 'Doctor Novak,' he replied. 'I assume you're here about the most recent death?'

Dean's smile slipped, and he dropped Castiel's hand. 'Another victim?' he repeated.

Castiel nodded. 'Very sad. Clarissa Hines. Suicide. Apparently, she was the one to kill Mary Straights,' he explained.

'What about the boyfriend's confession?' Dean asked.

Castiel tilted his head slightly. 'Didn't you hear? He only confessed because of the interrogation. Clarissa left a note, detailing everything.'

'Dean, there's been another—' Sam cut himself off as he stepped up to Dean and saw Castiel.

'Yeah, Doctor uh…Novak was just telling me about her,' Dean replied.

'Please, call me Castiel.' Castiel glanced over at the taller agent. The other agent smelled nice as well, but nothing like Agent Turner.

'Dean.' Dean looked back at Castiel, and his lips quirked up. 'Castiel… Nice name.'

'Thank you,' Castiel replied. 'It is something of a family tradition to keep the older names alive.'

'Good tradition.'

Sam looked between Castiel and Dean. 'Right…uh… If you have the time, could you show us the body?' he asked.

Castiel did his best not to let his irritation show. 'I would love to, but I have an appointment,' he replied truthfully. He blinked as Dean pulled a card from his pocket and handed it to him.

'If you can think of anything that might be pertinent to this case, then give me a call,' Dean said, flashing a smile. He didn't miss how Castiel's fingers brushed against his own as he took the card.

'You'll be the first I call,' Castiel promised and pocketed the card. It was perfect. He could take care of all his errands and let Dean stew in the meantime. Then call the agent up for a drink. He made a mental checklist: change the deed, switch the siren's accounts to him and his brother, call Dean, meet for a drink, go somewhere private, then devour Dean. He bid his goodbyes, feeling ecstatic about his plan.

'I like him,' Dean said as he and Sam headed to the morgue.

'Yeah…I can tell,' Sam replied. 'You don't think…'

'What?! No!' Dean snapped. He stopped in his tracks. What if Sam was right? 'Shit… What if he is the siren? Dammit!'

Sam laughed as he pushed open the morgue door. 'Probably not. But your crush is obvious.'

Dean snorted as he crossed his arms. 'I don't have a crush on him! He's a doctor. I respect that.'

'Let me guess, if he wore cowboy boots, he'd be perfect?' Sam laughed as Dean began to nod, but caught himself, throwing Sam a glare.

'Shut up!'


Gabriel hummed to himself as he finished filling out the paperwork for his new job. He signed his name with a flourish before handing the small stack of papers to the bar owner.

Nelly was a petite blonde with a little extra weight to her rump and thighs, and every time she glanced at Gabriel her scent filled with a little lust. Gabriel had managed to keep himself from turning on the charm to full force. If he and Castiel were planning on staying for a while, then bedding his new boss might not be a good idea. Maybe when he quit.

Nelly glanced over the papers and her brows raised in surprised. 'Oh! This is… Isn't this…Clarissa's address?' she asked.

Gabriel leaned closer, smiling. 'No, she lived a few houses up,' he said, running his finger down Nelly's cheek. 'Remember?'

Nelly shivered with anticipation, but as soon as it happened, the thought was gone. What was she doing? She looked down. She was holding some paper. Oh, yes. The new hire to replace Clarissa. She felt a wave of déjà vu as she glanced over the paperwork. 'Oh! Looks like you live a few houses down from Clarissa.'

She looked back up to catch a pleased smile on Gabriel's face. She probably shouldn't hire someone with almost no references, but he was a good looking young man and very friendly. Perfect material for a bartender. Clarissa had been…been what? Oh, right. Catty. She deserved to have someone that was nice and easy on the eyes.

'When can you start?'

'Right now,' Gabriel replied. He fully intended on bringing home someone yummy that night.


Castiel walked out of the bank, feeling more than a little irritated. The bank manager followed him out.

'I'm terribly sorry about your cousin,' the manager said as he followed Castiel down the bank steps. 'If there is anything I can do to help ease your pain…'

Castiel spun on his heels and jabbed his finger at the man's chest. 'You are married,' he pointed out.

'Well, yes,' the manager replied. 'But we have an agreement.'

Castiel grimaced as the man's hand caressed his arm. Normally, he would jump at the opportunity. Maybe pull the wife in for a little fun, too. But he still had Dean's scent wafting about him. It was probably coming from the card. He sighed and gave a smile as he lifted his finger to the man's lips. 'Sally, the receptionist? She has a thing for men in positions of power. And so does her roommate,' he whispered and slowly pulled away. He watched as the bank manager's thoughts went on a different track.

The man blinked in confusion. Why had he followed Mister Novak outside? He had wanted to give his condolences… 'Again, Mister Novak, I am sorry for your loss,' he said.

'Thank you,' Castiel replied.

'Death in the family. It's a hard thing to deal with,' he continued. Someone else had a death in the family recently… Sally's goldfish had died. His mind drifted to the receptionist. 'Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be getting back to work.'

Castiel sighed in relief and continued on his way. He hoped the rest of his stops would go a lot more easily.


Dean looked up at the neon sign in the shape of a mermaid, her tail flashing back and forth. 'This is the only thing they had in common?' he asked.

Sam shrugged, staring at the sign as well. 'The latest victim worked here, and, so far, all the men frequented this bar.'

Dean pulled a face as he headed to the door of the Blue Mermaid. 'Well, it fits… With a name like that, my money's on the owner.'

Sam and Dean looked around, partly in awe, partly in disgust. The interior was set up like a sunken ship. The waiters were dresses as sailors in hot pants, and the waitresses as mermaids. Very glittery mermaids. Dean tried to give one of the waitresses a wide berth as she passed by.

They tried to make their way to the bar, but it was proving to be difficult. The bar was packed, and the crowd was very amorous. Dean could have sworn he'd been groped at least six times within three steps. He gripped the bar tightly when they reached it and waved franticly at the mermaid wearing a jean jacket. He did a double take when he realized the waitress was actually a man.

Gabriel grinned excitedly at the two well-dressed men that had just come up to the bar. For the past few minutes, he could just make out an intoxicating scent wafting through the mix. There were two distinct scents, but one called to him over the other. He looked between the two men, trying to figure out which one it was.

'Hi! I'm Ariel!' he shouted over the noise and music, pointing at his nametag. 'What can I get you guys?'

'Agents Warner and Turner. We need to speak with the owner,' Sam replied as he and Dean flashed their badges.

'Oh, sure! This way,' Gabriel said, waving for them to follow him. He led them down a short hallway, and categorized their scents. Cheap toiletries, even cheaper motels, motor oil, fast food, beer, salad… They reached the door in the back, and he turned, placing all his attention on Sam. 'And what's this all about?'

'We need to ask Ms. Childs about a young woman that used to work here,' Sam replied.

Gabriel tried to recall the story he had fed Nelly, but came up empty. 'Oh. I replaced her. I think she was fired or something? Got hit by a car and set on fire?' He shrugged and threw his hands up. 'No idea. I just work here.'

Dean knocked on the door, and Sam nodded his thanks to Gabriel.

'I get off at two. Earlier if you know what you're doing,' Gabriel said huskily to Sam.

Sam leaned back and blinked owlishly at Gabriel. 'Um… What?'

Gabriel pulled a marker from his jacket pocket and took Sam's hand in his. His grin widened when Sam made no move to pull his hand away. He wrote his name and number on Sam's palm then kissed it. He backed away and held his hand up to his head, signaling for Sam to call him.

Sam nodded dumbly as Gabriel vanished down the hall. He jumped when Dean poked him in the ribs and blushed brightly at the dirty grin he was receiving. 'W-what?!'

Before Dean could tease Sam any more, the door to the office opened.

'Can I help you?' Nelly asked.

Dean turned to the woman and flashed his badge and a smile. 'Agents Turner and Warner. We're here to speak with you about Clarissa Hines.'

'Oh! Oh, yes. Come in,' Nelly said as she gestured for Sam and Dean to enter the small office. She took a seat behind her desk, shaking her head sadly. 'It's a shame about what happened, but…why would the FBI be involved?'

Dean nodded and leaned forward. 'We like to cover all our bases,' he replied. 'Now… Do you happen to remember if she had been seeing anyone new? Maybe she left with someone last night.'

Nelly shook her head, then slowed. Did Clarissa leave with someone? She tried to recall the previous night. Clarissa was tending the bar… There had been a tall, good looking man drinking at the bar all night… Did Clarissa leave with him? No…he left before her. He was very polite. Paid in full and tipped generously. She shook her head again. 'No, sorry. She left alone last night.'

Sam glanced at Dean. 'Do you know if she had made any new…friends? Acquaintances? New boyfriend? Anyone that came by to see her often? Did she mention anyone?' he asked.

Nelly's nose scrunched as she thought hard. 'Clarissa had a lot of friends…,' she slowly replied. It was true. The girl was…friendly. No…yes. Maybe not to Nelly, but to everyone else. But…Clarissa had thrown a birthday party for her… But didn't Clarissa argue with the rest of the staff? Weren't they sad to hear of her passing? If they were, it quickly passed because Gabriel easily filled that void. He was much more pleasant.

Clarissa had plenty of friends. Her friends had a bad habit of dropping like flies… Especially the frat boys' girlfriends. It was a shame about the recent rash of murders. Nelly shrugged and offered an apologetic smile. 'She knew a lot of people from the college. They come in all the time. She might have even known everyone. I…don't really know.'

Sam and Dean shared a look and thanked Nelly for her time. They left a card with her, asking her to call if she remembered anything that might be useful.

Back in the hall, Dean raised his brows at Sam. 'That was weird.'

'I know! The way her eyes just glazed over? Something's not right here…' Sam crossed his arms and stared at the closed door.

'Either she's a good actor, or we're dealin' with somethin' else.'

'But all the signs point to a siren!' Sam argued.

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. 'Everything but this Clarissa chick,' Dean pointed out. 'I thought sirens went after men?'

'Maybe this one has tastes on both sides of the fence,' Sam offered uncertainly. 'I dunno… I'll give Bobby a call in the morning.'

As they reentered the bar, Sam heard someone calling for 'Agent Warner.' He turned to see Gabriel waving at him. He stumbled forward as Dean gave him a little push.

'Go on. Go say "hi" to your new boyfriend,' Dean said teasingly.

Sam rolled his eyes, but headed toward Gabriel nonetheless.

'Hi!' Gabriel said breathlessly. He popped the cap off a beer bottle and placed it on the counter, pushing it towards Sam. 'On the house. Or me. If you're into that.'

Sam eyed the beer momentarily. 'Thanks,' he said before taking a sip.

'You smell really good,' Gabriel said.



'What did you say?' Sam shouted over the noise.

Gabriel leaned forward and rested his elbows on the bar. 'You look good! Nice suit.'

Sam smiled uncertainly. He could have sworn he had heard something else. 'Uh… Thanks. I guess…'

'I'm Gabriel!'

Sam held his hand up, showing off Gabriel's name and number. 'I guessed as much. Uh…Sam.'

'Sam Warner… Doesn't really suit you,' Gabriel replied as he watched Sam take a swig of beer.

Sam shrugged. He couldn't place why, but he was beginning to feel relaxed. Very relaxed.

'You should ditch your partner and come home with me,' Gabriel said.

Sam stared at the bartender. Gabriel's suggestion didn't seem too bad. With as many times as Dean had ditched him, wasn't it about time he turned the tables?

Gabriel reached forward to touch Sam's cheek when Sam was pulled out of his reach. He looked from Sam's surprised expression to Dean's serious one.

'We gotta go,' Dean said to Sam. 'Now.'

Sam looked at Dean curiously and nodded. He gave Gabriel an apologetic smile and followed Dean out of the bar.

Gabriel looked around in confusion, and his eyes fell on Castiel, standing in the corner, wide-eyed and scared. He quickly made his way to his brother and grabbed him by the collar. He dragged Castiel into the back hall and shoved him against the wall. 'What did you do?!' he hissed.