New story, again. This is a WIP, and written for a prompt at avengerkink on LJ.
"Ugh," Darcy groaned. Her mouth felt dry, and the banging in her head was Hulk Smash! worthy. "Worst hangover, ever."
"Sorry, darling, but you're definitely not hung over." A random voice, one she had never heard before, said from over her shoulder.
Darcy ignored the deep, raspy voice and instead took stock of herself and her surroundings. Dark, but it wasn't because she was blindfolded. No. Her eyes were closed. Opening her eyes, she squinted at the bright light. "Oh, hello there, blank grey wall."
"What-" the voice tried to interrupt.
"Hush, I'm trying to apply what I learned in my lessons here." Darcy twisted her neck, trying to get the crick out and then wiggled her toes. "Okay, feet not tied to my seat." Paying close attention to the feeling going up her legs, to her stomach, and then down her arms, she squeezed her hands into fists. "Hands tied behind the back, typical. Not handcuffed though. No injuries, that's a plus." She smiled, until thinking about why and how she got into where she was.
"Who the hell are you?" A new voice asked. This one was less raspy, but still had the same wear and tear to it.
"Umm, oh. Darcy Lewis. I don't really have a rank or anything. And I'm not comfortable sharing my social security number. That's all you're supposed to share right? I know I'm supposed to give you the bare minimum of information and like, just repeat it over and over. But not even I like my name that much. So let's just pretend that I'm doing that." She had been walking down the tunnel to get on her plane. Maybe next time, she'd take Tony on his offer to use his jet. Poor agents. Well that's what Fury gets for sticking her with baby agents.
"Miss Lewis," the first voice spoke this time.
"No way dude. I do not answer to Miss Lewis. It's Darcy, or Lewis, if that's your fancy. You sound military. Is this a military operation? Cause like, dude, not cool. At least you don't sound like that one asshat always trying to get-"
"Is anyone else here confused?" Another new voice added.
Darcy pauses, happy for the interruption. She almost gave away some vital information that could tie her to Bruce. Yeah, maybe these guys didn't sound like they were Ross, but they could be lackeys or something. She hoped they weren't lackeys, cause that would suck. Nat would never her live it down if she was kidnapped by mere lackeys. "Okay, so there are definitely at least three people here. Are you guys lackeys? Please tell me you're not lackeys."
"What, no, of course we're not lackeys!" The new new voice answered. There was a smack sound that immediately followed.
"Thanks. Hope that didn't hurt. Okay, are we still in London? I don't recall us making the flight. And grey wall over here and the lack of roaring engines means you didn't hijack the plane. Oh, and how long have I been out?" Must not forget to gather as much information as possible. Nat is already going to make fun of her for getting caught in the first place. Mustn't fall further on the totem pole because she messed up the whole hostage thing.
"Lewis, could you please stop talking? We're supposed to be the ones interrogating you."
"Darn!" She rolled her eyes. "And know this, if my hands weren't tied behind my back. I would totally be doing the 'oh shucks' hand thing. What is that even called?"
"You're still not shutting up," the second voice announced, as if it wasn't obvious.
"Obviously. Have you guys never done this before? It's called biding your time. And you guys haven't started monologuing so I'm filling in the silence here." If she keeps rolling her eyes, they're be permanently lodged in the back of her head. Quietly, she muttered, "You're such horrible villains."
"Lewis, why were you assigned a heavy detail just to travel across the Atlantic?" The first voice finally questioned.
"Oh, you're finally interrogating me!" Darcy faked squealing. "I'll only answer if you turn me around or walk over here and obstruct my view of this grey wall. Shit is bland." Find out who your attackers are. Maybe she'd recognize them. And wouldn't that be awesome, if she could recognize them.
"I'm sorry, but we can't do that."
"Well, then, I can't answer your question." These guys didn't know stubborn. Darcy was the Goddess of Stubborn - so named by a God, and it totally counted, even if it was just Thor. But Thor was going to petition it the next time he was in court with his father. Granted, he was probably too drunk to realize the offer he was making, but whatever, it still counted.
"Okay, seriously," the third voice, the one that sounded like a joker, "who are you and how is it that you're totally not freaking out right now? You've just been kidnapped from an airport. A pretty girl like you should be freaking out. What if we were sex traffickers?"
"Are you sex traffickers?"
She rolled her eyes, again. "Then I don't see a need for me freaking out."
"This girl has got guts." Darcy allowed herself to preen a little. Sure, deep down, she was sort of freaking out. If everyone was in New York, it would probably take them an hour or two to figure out that she didn't catch her flight, maybe earlier depending on how these guys extracted her. Then, even at the fastest speed, the quinjet would take five hours to get to London. Tony could shave that to four, maybe. Thor would be right behind him. So, she was stuck. And she could let herself panic on the inside, but she'd use what her mother gave her and keep her mouth running, so long as she remained alive. Plus, this was sort of fun. She hoped there was surveillance footage. Nat would get a kick out of it and she is pretty sure Clint would be proud of her.
Hearing feet scuffling, she turned her head to the right and watched as a scruffy man - mid forties, maybe? - in a sharp suit (not on the same level as Coulson, but still sharp) step in front of her.
"There's still some grey wall. You may be big dude, but not big enough."
Chuckles sounded from behind her and then three more men stepped in front of her.
"I'm guessing you're the wisecrack voice?" She pointed - using her chin - at a man who looked a lot like Steve. Granted, Steve would never be caught dead in that neon green shirt. "And you're the second voice. Cool, cool. And Mr. Silent. I like your hat." She really did like the cowboy hat. She had one once. Where it is, she didn't know, but all that mattered was that there was a nice hat, and it was something to focus on. "What does a girl gotta do to get to wear it?"
"We've blocked the grey wall, as you've requested. So now why don't you fulfill your end of the bargain?" The man in the suit countered, spreading his hands as if he had just done a magic trick, which really, he didn't. Darcy had been to Asgard and hung out with Loki that one time. She had seen real magic tricks.
"Technically we never made a bargain. But if you get me that hat, I'll answer as many questions as a level one clearance would allow."
"How do we know you'll be good for it?" Steve-look-alike asked.
"Cause you could just take the hat back? Duh." She rolled her eyes, happy that they could now witness the gesture.
Smirking, she watched as the man in charge signalled for the silent guy to put his hat on her head. Sweet. "I hope you don't have lice."
"Oh, you speak!" She grinned, wishing she could clap her hands. Instead, she paid attention, listening to the Natasha in her head. Distract them into giving you free information. "And you're a sniper, too."
"How can you tell?" The second-voice belonged to the strong looking black guy standing in the back, and he was looking at her like she was crazy. And depending on who was asked, they might've agreed - never mention her name around Fury, it was just a bad idea, especially after this whole fiasco comes to light.
"Well, you just confirmed it for one. Two, the calluses on his fingers are just like my boyfriend's. I saw them when he put the hat on me."
"Okay, seriously, who are you and how do you know all of this stuff?" Steve-look-alike looked like he was about to explode, amusing Darcy greatly.
"Umm, give me a second to think on an answer that works with your clearance level."
"We have unlimited clearance, and for some reason, when I search for 'Darcy Lewis' I get a small file about a twenty-three year old female who just graduated from Culver University with a degree in Political Science. You're absolutely clean, not even a parking ticket. No one is that clean. Especially if they call for a five-man security detail."
"Let me guess, wise guy, you're an intelligence specialist?" Amateurs, the Natasha voice went off in Darcy's head, making her smile. These guys were pretty obvious while not really trying.
"How do you know this stuff?" Man in charge asked.
"Can I have your names or something? I'm getting tired of the nicknames I've made up for you in my head." Diversion is your best tactic. You like to talk. Use that. Natasha was going to be so proud of her.
"You still haven't told us anything." Guy in the back proclaimed.
"And give the man a prize," Darcy teased. "Okay, let's just say I have really important friends and a boyfriend and four big brother type figures who take my safety very seriously. Oh, and Nat. She's the worse, maybe? Yeah, she's the worse. When they come for me, I suggest you avoid her. Actually, maybe avoid all of them?" Darcy quipped. "Names please? Or some sort of identifier, if you will."
These guys were pretty amusing, she really hoped that Nat didn't kill them. Hurt them, sure. They did deserve that for kidnapping her. But for the most part, this was a lot more fun than a flight across the Atlantic. And at least now, when she goes back to New York, she'd have company to talk to on the flight.
"Fine, I'm Colonel," the man in charge answered. Gesturing at the silent - no longer wearing a hat - guy who was now standing next to the guy in the background, he continued, "These two are Seargeant-"
"Now that won't get confusing," Darcy interrupted. Let them underestimate you. Use that to your advantage. Her inner Natasha was awesome.
"Deal with it. And he's captain." Colonel pointed towards the funny guy.
She sputtered at that. "Captain? Serious?"
"Why? Don't I look like a captain?"
"Exactly!" Darcy laughed, really wishing her hands were free. Instead, she just curled into herself as much as possible, laughing hysterically. Oh, this was good. It took her several moments to calm down, but when she finally did, there were tears in her eyes. "You think maybe you guys can help a girl out and untie my hands. I'd very much like to wipe the tears from my face. Oh, and get rid of the pins and needles happening in my arms."
"I don't think that would be a good idea," Sergeant Black - Darcy decided on how to distinguish the two - declared.
"It's not like I'm going anywhere. I'm stuck here until my ride gets here. And I may like this hat, but I wouldn't just steal it from Sergeant Silence over there."
"I'll untie your hands after you answer my next question."
"Sure thing, Colonel." She winked. "Oh! With my hands untied I can even salute you. See, there are positives to the untying of the hostage."
Colonel shook his head - probably in exasperation, if Darcy had to guess (she got that a lot) - and proceeded to ask his question. "What government agency are you affiliated with?"
"Time for the big leagues, huh?" She responded, trying to bide herself some time.
"You're not going to deny it?" Captain asked, an incredulous look on his face. Huh, the look appeared to be the exact same look Steve would give her whenever she managed to shock him - which was often.
"Why? I want my hands untied and I can answer honestly that I'm not directly affiliated with the government in any way, other than paying my taxes. At least, I think I paid my taxes last year." Darcy pursed her lips, divert attention. It was like a mantra, now that she thought about it. "I sent my w-4 to my cousin Edmund, who should have filed it. And I did get a refund check, so I guess that means the IRS got it." She nodded, happy with her train of thought. "Yeah, taxes is my only direct affiliation with the government."
"Bullshit," all four men exclaimed, at varying decibel levels. Surprisingly, the room did not echo.
"I kid you not." And she really didn't. She wasn't lying - at least on the Stark lie-o-meter. Stretching the truth did not a lie make. Or whatever the phrase was that Tony used last week when she called him a liar, liar, pants on fire. "So the rope around my wrists?"
"Not until you tell us the truth," Colonel insisted, pulling out a pocket knife.
"Okay, okay. Fine. While I'm not directly affiliated, my boyfriend sort of is? And those big brothers I was telling you about. I guess they are affiliated to, but they're more like consultants. And I'm pretty sure Nat isn't, but sort of maybe? So I guess it's like Kevin Bacon and I'm affiliated by two or three degrees?"
"You are one weird chick. Hot. But weird," Captain muttered, just loud enough for Darcy to hear, forcing her to hold back a snicker.
"I told you I'd answer your questions to the best of my ability. But I signed some pretty ironclad confidentiality agreements, and I really don't want to get myself locked up. Like, I like you dudes. You guys seem pretty legit, but the people who could very much lock me up for telling you classified information can make Gitmo look like a luxury resort."
The air permeated in silence. Luckily it wasn't stifling, because Darcy was still dressed for a long flight. And airplane cabins get cold.
"Fine," Colonel finally shrugged, cutting the ropes from her hands. He stepped back to wherever he was when she first woke up.
"Thank Thor," Darcy sighed, rubbing her wrists, trying to get the blood flow back.
Sergeant Silent asked.
"Oh, umm," Darcy sputtered. Damn, she really needed to work on that. "My father's family is Scandinavian. It's a thing."
"Sure..." Captain eyed her warily, which Darcy could respect. She knew she was behaving pretty strange, but if these guys were HYDRA or AIM, she knew she'd have been in worse conditions. Probably being tortured for information. Both organizations would have already known about her, she's sure. How these imbeciles managed to nab her - wrongfully, mind you - Darcy would never know. She was afraid to watch the security footage, not wanting to embarrass herself.
"So, who did you mix me up with?" Darcy stood, raised her hands high above her head and stretched. Turning around, she straddled the chair, so that she could watch the other guys seat themselves around a desk. Captain started fiddling with some machines on the desk, Sergeant Silence sat point, leaning against the furthest corner of the room, keeping his eye on the surroundings. Sergeant Black just sat down next to Colonel.
"What are you talking about?" Colonel asked, leaning back in his chair.
"Well, you clearly didn't mean to kidnap me." She gestured at herself and waved around the room.
"We can't talk about it."
"Fine," she huffed. At least she tried, right? "Hey, what'd you do with my purse?"
"In a random locker in an undisclosed location." Sergeant Black crossed his arms across his chest, challenging her to say something.
Darcy rolled her eyes. "Since I'm the wrong person, maybe you can give me a secure line and I can call the boyfriend. Do some damage control for you."
"Why should we do that?" Colonel asked, just as the captain asked her "Why would you do that?"
"Umm, because you guys seem like you've had a pretty rough time. And trust me, when my friends get here, it'll only get worse. I'm trying to help you here."
"What's your boyfriend's name?" Captain asked at the exact time as Sergeant Black scoffed.
"Umm," Darcy tried to think if she was allowed to share his name. It wasn't necessarily classified information. It was just the things he did that no one was supposed to know about - herself included, but of course that never stopped her. "Barton."
"Clint Barton?" Sergeant Silence asked, immediately at attention.
"You know him?" Darcy stood from her seat, knocking the chair over causing a clang to echo through the room.