Dedicated to my dear Yaya, enjoy your gift of straight up wincest from one wincest lover to another, I Love You, Enjoy! No babies, no Castiel, lots of heartache, anger, kinky smut, forbidden romance and love, love, love….and more love between Sam and Dean Winchester. To everyone else, hope you enjoy as well!

John Winchester wasn't a terrible man, he was driven by tragedy and lose. The death of his wife Mary took its toll on his heart to the point where others suffered for his choices. Hunting down the demon who took her from him and along the way destroying anything evil in his path was a single minded goal.

There was always collateral damage that he never really saw, the two sons Mary was forced to leave behind at the moment of her death. Sam and Dean Winchester were the ones who suffered for his single minded passion for search and destroy.

John Winchester drank to burn away the tendrils of pain that threatened to wrap his dreams with nightmares, enough to make him sleep through a baby crying and a little boy desperate to have a father to help him.

…..

Dean looked into the makeshift crib at Sam, he was crying again and Dean busied himself making Sam a fresh bottle and lifting the squirming baby out of the drawer. He sat on the bed and laid his brother on a pillow he put on his lap then gave Sam the bottle.

Dean was good at taking care of Sam, in fact he excelled at it. Sam gave Dean what he needed a reason to get up in the morning, a reason go on and the unconditional love you can only get from babies and pets.

…..

Sam had an incredible memory, everything that happened to him was carefully cataloged and stored for safe keeping. His first memories were of the green eyes looking down on him. Even as a baby he knew those eyes meant comfort, food, and love.

If he woke up and the green eyes weren't there or the gentle hand with a bottle he screamed because that was all he knew. He recognized the voice that said things like, "Don't worry Sammy" or "I love you Sammy" and he instantly stopped and relaxed.

He recognized his father but it was not who he wanted to see, it was Dean, always Sammy's Dean.

…..

Dean ran in the motel room after kindergarten was over, he was worried about Sam, a new town, a new sitter and more strangers. When Dean walked in she was sitting on the bed watching TV, smoking a cigarette and eating chips while Sam cried.

Dean picked him up, Sam was heavy but carried him like he was nothing even at his tender age Dean was a strong kid, "Why is he crying?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, I changed him and gave him a bottle. Look kid I gotta go so pay me."

Dean handed her the other half of the ten dollar bill John had left for the sitter, before Dean left for school he torn it in half giving her one part while he kept the other telling her, "You get it when I get home from school"

She folded it up with the other half and shook her head, "You are one weird kid, tell your old man I'll be here at the same time tomorrow."

Dean checked the fridge and the bottle he made for Sam before he left was still in there, he opened the door for her and looked up at woman with frustration, "No don't come tomorrow we don't need you cause I'm not going to school."

She flicked her cigarette on the ground and walked over to her old dodge, "Suit yourself, he's a pain in the ass anyway."

Dean wanted to cry but he didn't have the luxury of tears, Sam's were the only tears he was worried about. She didn't give him a bottle at all, Dean warmed it up and gave to his brother Sam drank it quickly. "Boy you were really hungry. I'll make you another later ok?" He rest on the bed with Sam on his chest rubbing the babies back until he heard him burp.

Dean started to fall asleep until Sam decided to mouth his brother's shoulder and soaked it with spit, he opened his eyes and sat Sam up on his stomach, "Gross Sammy." He laughed when Sam smiled, it always made him happy when his brother smiled. "You are too cute you know that right?"

Dean put on cartoons and got himself a bowl of cereal, he wolfed down half a box and then went to check on Sam, he felt the diaper and it was soaked, when he took it off the rash was angry hot to the touch.

Dean ran a bath, took off his clothes and got in with Sam. "Its ok Sammy, I'll get you all cleaned up, you're gonna feel a lot better."

Afterward he toweled his brother off carefully and rubbed him with ointment and put on a fresh diaper. Dean crawled under the blanket with Sam letting the baby fall asleep on top of him. The pressure of the little warm body on top of his was comforting like an extra blanket during the winter.

"I love you Sammy."

….

The next morning John made a rare appearance, he brought in groceries, formula and diapers. Dean dug through the bags, "Daddy there isn't any ointment or powder, Sam has a bad rash."

John messed up Dean's hair, "Well he wont die without it will he?" I'll be back in a couple days, here's ten bucks for the sitter." John kissed them both on the head and took off again.

Dean pocketed the money and got dressed, he looked down at Sam, "Sammy, I'm going to the store but I promise I'll be right back ok?" Sam reached up and grabbed Dean's scarf, "No I gotta go get some stuff. Promise your gonna be a big boy and not cry."

Sam's cheeks turned pink and his face screwed up for the beginning of a crying session. Dean sat on the bed frustrated trying to figure out what to do, He went to the motel office and knocked on the door.

A woman answered with a baby on her hip, "what do you want kid?"

"My brother needs diaper rash stuff and baby powder but I can't leave him alone to get it, you got any I can borrow?"

The woman started to laugh, "Well if I give you any I don't want back." Dean didn't get it, "So does that mean I can borrow some?"

She looked down at the little boy with amusement, he was skinny with big green eyes, a sprinkle of freckles and a buzz cut. He looked like life had already given him a kick in the ass a couple times over but he kicked back twice as hard.

"Alright come in and get you some, what's your name and why aren't in school, what are you first grade?"

"I'm Dean, we don't have a sitter and I'm in kindergarten."

"Not much of a talker, are you Dean?"

Dean shrugged and sat on the couch, the TV was tuned to Days of Our Lives and the curtains were drawn. He looked around while he waited. She put her baby on the couch next to him, she came out a few minutes later and handed him a tube of cream and a container of baby power.

"My name is Lois, look Dean you can't keep missing school. I can watch your brother for you tomorrow until you get someone else alright?"

Dean examined her carefully and then got up going from room to room without asking, he came back and nodded, "Ok I'll let you, it looks safe enough."

She broke out in a smile, "Well thank you Sir, glad you trust me with the mission." Dean suddenly looked down at the floor and his voice shook, "Thanks Lois I'll bring Sammy over tomorrow before school, I gotta walk so its gonna be early.

She got on her knees and looked at him face to face, "Hey come on now, chin up Dean. Life isn't always going to suck I promise." She wanted to hug him, he looked like he needed a thousand hugs to make up for all the ones he missed but she knew he wouldn't accept it. He was too hard to admit he needed one so she patted his shoulder instead.

….

The rest of the school year went in that direction, Dean would drop Sam off at the office and Lois would watch him, they never talked again about Dean finding someone else to watch Sam.

Lois only saw their father periodically so she kept an eye out for both of them without Dean being aware of it. Most nights she would make too much for supper and give some to Dean. He was always polite and thanked her and the next morning all the flowers would be watered before school, she knew he did it but he never told her.

Sometimes Lois would bake too many cookies or have clothes her nephew out grew but would fit Dean perfectly. She ended up being as close of a thing to a mother Dean had since Mary was killed.

Lois had a hard childhood like Dean, moving for place to place, no parent most of the time and fending for herself so the plight of Sam and Dean Winchester plucked at her heartstrings.

Life was almost normal as it could be and then John decided to move and change their lives once again.

…..

Dean was packed and ready to go, he had Sam dressed and was waiting for John to come and uproot the boys from their little life at the motel. There was a knock on the door and it was Lois coming to say goodbye.

Dean let her in and she took a seat at the little table by the window, Sam was on the bed , feet up in the air examining his fat little toes finding them about the most fascinating thing at that moment and giggling.

Dean went over and stood next to her and for the first time touched her first, he rested his forehead on her shoulder. Lois was afraid to hug him but he moved closer to her lap and she pulled him up and put her arms around his waist.

He made eye contact when he was ready and those big green eyes were filled with tears. He wiped them with his jacket sleeve. Lois felt her heart breaking, "Hey Dean its ok to cry you know, everyone does it."

"Only babies cry, Sam cries but I don't," and then he burst out crying like a dam letting go.

Every pain in his short five years that he pushed down washed over him and he hugged this woman he would never see again, the only person that never made Dean feel embarrassed, never made him feel like a burden and allowed him to go to school by watching Sam and didn't make him out to be second class.

She didn't know what to say so she hugged him tight and for once he relaxed and let her do it and if felt good.

Lois pulled some items out of her pocket, the first was in a leather sheath and the second in a little chamois bag, she handed them over to Dean, "These were my husbands, I hung on to them figuring someday I'd find the right person to appreciate and take care of them."

Dean pulled the 110 folding Hunter lock back Buck knife out and his eyes opened wide and for once he smiled, then he opened the bag and a classic Zippo lighter was inside.

"Now don't cut yourself, do you know how to open it?"

Dean carefully opened it and touched the blade with proper respect, then he tried the lighter and the flame snapped on, Dean flicked his wrist and the top closed. "Wow, thanks Lois. These are the best gifts ever!"

It was her turn to wipe her eyes, "My husband was an avid hunter and he always had these with him, he used to tell me a guy should have two things with him at all times, a good, solid Buck knife and a Zippo lighter and you could get out of lots of tough spots."

Dean fingered the shiny metal of the lighter and looked up at her, "Where is he now, he don't want 'em anymore?"

"Lou died last year right before I had Amy, he was in the military," Lois started to choke up, "He was a career guy you know? I took care of the motel and he went off and got killed. I miss him…that's how I know you lost someone really special. Its something in a person's eyes that nothing else can duplicate."

Dean frowned, he looked down at the knife and lighter then held them out to her, "You better keep these then, they are special."

Lois pushed his hand back, "No Dean, I know Lou would love to have a great kid like you to have them. If he was here I think you would get along really well."

She grabbed Dean's little face and looked at him seriously, "I know now who I was saving these for…you Dean, the Winchester brothers are going to do great things, and that little angel over there loves you."

She smiled at Sam and the baby smiled back, "Dean, I know Sam is just a baby but you will be able to count on him as you both grow up. Blood is everything, as long as you both have each other the world can't beat you down."

John was pulling in and Dean jumped off her lap and quickly hid the items in his pocket. He motioned for Lois to bend down and he kissed on the cheek, "Love you Lois, thanks."

Later she watched the Impala slowly pull out with Dean in the back holding Sam on his lap, she heard "Paint It Black" by the Rolling Stones blast through the open window. Dean had his face pressed against the glass watching her, she waved and he waved back.

"Good luck little guys, love you both."

TBC