Author's Note: So, I promise I'm working on my stories, but this idea kind of just popped into my head and it seemed like a funny idea to me. I used Google translate, so don't get mad at me if some of the Spanish is wrong! Hopefully you guys get a laugh out of it!
Italics = text messages
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush. FML.
Logie, I'm BOREDDD. Come over and cuddle! Pwease? - Carlitos
I shook my head as I read the fifth text message sent to me by my boyfriend Carlos. We've been happily dating for six months and it's been a blast. Although, I'm pretty sure he has chronic boredom syndrome. He's been interrupting my studying time for the past half hour with texts explaining how bored he is.
Sorry love, too much homework – Loges
I threw my phone back on the bed, turned back to my desk, and continued with the wonderful world of logarithms. Then, my message alert went off AGAIN. I love that boy, but dammit I have straight A's to obtain! I turned around in my rolly – spinny chair (as Carlos calls it) and rolled over to my bed to retrieve my phone.
Then do your homework over here! I won't distract you, I promise! – Carlitos
I've heard that one before.
The last time you said that I ended up with a sore ass for a week. ;) – Loges
I chuckled to myself as I wrote out the text. I also ended up barely passing my geometry test because I had gotten no studying done whilst over Carlos' house that day. Just then, my message alert went off again.
You know you loved it sugar cheeks. ;) - Carlitos
Carlosssss, seriously, I need to finish studying. I understand you're horny and bored as usual, but politely fuck off. K, love bucket? - Loges
Carlos is known to be…explicit in some of his texts, and I do not feel like being horny right now. Hopefully, my last text will hurt his feelings so he'll stop texting me. I'm not trying to be an asshole, but shit, I'm desperate! Guess it didn't work. Beep, Beep!
Si usted no recibe su sexy culo aquí ahora mismo, yo personalmente te arrastre por su enorme pene a mi casa, arrancarte la ropa, hacer que usted chupa esta polla latina, y libra a la pared con tanta fuerza, que no va a ser capaz de caminar durante una semana. Comprender las mejillas de azúcar? – Carlitos
Ok, why did he put it in Spanish? He knows I suck at Spanish! Maybe mom knows what it says…she's pretty fluent in Spanish. I deleted all of my um…innapropiate texts…and walked into the kitchen. My mom was standing at the sink washing dishes and smiled when she saw me.
"Um, mom? Carlos sent me a text in Spanish, and i was wondering if you could translate it for me please?" I said with a smile. She nodded her head and wiped her wet hands on a dish towel. I handed her my phone.
"Alrighty, let's see here. It reads, if you don't get your sexy ass over here right now…"
"I will personally drag you by your enormous penis back to my house, rip your clothes off, make you suck this latin dick, and pound you into the wall so hard, you won't be able to walk for a week. Understand sugar cheeks?"
My mom was staring at my phone with shock. My face was bright red and I was awkwardly standing there waiting for my mom to say something. She finally looked up at me with a straight face showing no emotion whatsoever. She held her hand out and handed me my phone back.
"Um, honey? Are you and Carlos using condoms? Like, lots and lots of condoms? Because i'll buy you guys some if –"
"MOM. Please just ground me or whatever so I can leave!"
"Why would I ground you? I can't say i'm suprised. Carlos' mom has told me all about the strange noises she hears coming from his room whenever you go over there."
"Kill me, just kill me now."
"There's nothing to be ashamed about Logan. It's apart of your hormones to wanna have sex all the time! It's perfectly natural. Just remember, CONDOMS! And make sure you're using them correctly. Speaking of which, just to make sure you guys ARE using them correctly…"
She ran to her room, and came back carrying a silver package, and a banana. She ripped open the package and out came a condom. OH. MY. GOD.
She held up the banana and said, "Alrighty, so let's pretend this is Carlos' Latin dick and he was about to "pound you into the wall"...That's teenage talk for have sex right That's not a fetish thing right?"
My eyes widened to the size of baseballs and I immediately rushed out of the room feeling so embarrased. Beep, Beep.
Enjoy my text? ;) - Carlitos
Nope, but my mom did. – Loges
What the fuck are you talkin about? – Carlitos
I asked my mom to translate the text. – Loges
YOU WHAT? YOU IDIOT, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO USE GOOGLE TRANSLATE! I SWEAR TO FUCKING MONKEY BALLS YOU ARE THE DUMBEST SMARTASS I HAVE EVR MET! – Carlitos
Well, next time…be more specific. BTW, we gotta find a new place to have sex. –Loges
Author's Note: This was so stupid, but hopefully you guys got a chuckle out of it. Just a silly one – shot. Let me know what you thought! - Ashley