Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one
Acknowledgements: As always thanks to my dear friend Spiritblaze for giving me the idea for this one-shot, and thanks to Little Leaf of the Redwoods for all her help.
Summary: Achilles doesn't have too many joys in his life, but his little cousin was definitely one.
It was all darkness around him .All he felt was pain and suffering .He wasn't sure if he was angry at himself or angry at his life. A life that he never chooses, life that was force on him.
He always asked himself going back on time would he have chosen a different life? What else could he be? Could he really be something other than a warrior? He will never know the answer to that.
He hated war. He hated killing. He hated fighting .Especially when there was no good reason for it, other than the greed of some idiot king. Yet he keeps going. He wasn't sure why anymore. He wanted to be remembered. He wanted his name to life throughout the ages. He wanted people to say tales about him. He fights and kills people only in the hopes to be remembered, people whom he never met, people that never caused him harm. He knows he wanted to be glorified, but now he is thinking that the price he was paying was too high.
"Is it worth it?" he always asked himself that. Is it worth all the pain he was feeling? Is it worth all the sleep he lost and the nightmares that keep coming? Is it worth all the guilt? He no longer remembers the last time he felt peace.
No one knows what he was feeling inside. To the world he was an unstoppable warrior, a killer, a man that everyone feared. But no one thought of him as human. People around him always seemed shocked when he shows any signs of kindness.
All of that was in Achilles mind as he was walking toward his home .The home that never meant anything to him until a certain person came into his life. That person meant the world to Achilles. In some dark days he was the only reason he kept going, he wasn't just his little cousin, he was everything to him.
It kind of scared Achilles how much he loved that child, how he was willing to sacrifice everything for him, how he was willing to do anything to make him happy. But in that moment the darkness that he was feeling was too much, much more than he can handle. He wasn't in the mood to see or talk to anyone, not even his beloved little cousin.
As he walked into the house nothing could have stop his joyful cousin from running into his arms, saying how much he missed him. It really took all of Achilles power to return the measurement, and not push his cousin out of the way .He then turned to his mother – who have been taking care of Patroclus while he was away– she saw the darkness in her son's eyes, she felt his pain. But this was the path that was chosen for him, no one can change that. After she greeted him, she told him she had to leave. After all she had more important things to do.
His happy little cousin was still looking at him, the love and the admiration was clear in his innocent sweet eyes. He waiting for Achilles to pick him up into his arms and tell him about the great War he was in, or maybe just tackle him. But he didn't.
All Achilles could do was give him a small smile and move to sit down. That is all he wanted to do, he wanted to withdraw into his thoughts. But his cousin wasn't going to let go that easy, not after all the time that he spent apart from Achilles. So as Achilles sat down in the chair, Patroclus climbed up to sit on Achilles lap, ignoring the fact that Achilles wasn't so welcoming.
After he wrapped his arms around Achilles neck, he said, "I missed you so much cousin."
Achilles could only smile; he didn't feel like saying anything. Patroclus continued, "I am so happy that you are back, I love you so much."
Achilles took a deep breath, he couldn't ignore his cousin anymore he respond, "I love you too Patroclus, but I am so tired and I need to rest."
Patroclus was a little disappointed but he kind of understood. Achilles did in fact look exhausted. He moved from Achilles lap. Leaving the great warrior to get up and walk to his bed.
After a few minutes from quietly lying there Achilles heard small steps walking into his room, then he felt his bed gave in; Patroclus just laid there and snuggled against him.
Achilles said, "What are you doing?"
"You said you wanted to rest, you didn't say that I should leave you alone." Patroclus smiled," but don't worry I will be quiet I promise."
Achilles heart broke, that child really needed him and he was being selfish. If his cousin who suffered a great loss of losing his parents can find happiness in just seeing him coming back, why couldn't he feel the same way seeing him?
He wrapped his arms around his cousin and pulled him closer to him. He kissed his forehead and said, "Patroclus are you happy living here with me?"
"What do mean cousin?"
"I mean would you rather be somewhere else?"
Patroclus didn't seem to understand what his cousin meant. He gave his cousin a confused look.
Achilles sighed, he himself didn't know what or why he was asking. Maybe he was surprised to the fact that this child seemed to be the only person who is always happy to see him, who doesn't mind being around him all the time, who never turns away from him even at his worst moments.
His grip on his cousin tightened as if he was squashing him, he said, "I love you so much, I am so glad you are in my life."
Patroclus who didn't mind his cousin strong grip and said with his cheerful voice, "I love you too cousin."