Many, many thanks to the birth of this fanfiction! First of all, my brave beta-reader TheSnarkyAuthor who has struggled (goodness knows how hard) to help me with this one chapter! Second to all my friends who have started this anime. And third to Miyako Sora Kaori whom I owe my life to!

Disclaimer: I'm writing fanfiction so I obviously do not own this. The cover image was taken from chapter 39.2 of the manga (around page 17) and I coloured it using Paint (doing a great job as you can see…)

Chapter one: Damn perverted Frau

There was nothing extraordinary about him to look at, so Frau did not understand why so many girls would launch themselves at Teito squealing about how cute he was. Sure, the kid had a pretty face with eyes to match and he had a nice body too. But that was NOT to say that Frau liked him. No, Frau certainly did not like him and there was no way that he was jealous… Okay, maybe he was a little jealous that Teito was attracting girls when he hadn't even hit puberty yet. So on that day, as Frau climbed out of his coffin, ready for the day to begin, he was determined to teach Teito the facts of life and about the wonderful parts of a woman so that he could fully appreciate it too.

Ripping off a floorboard Frau reached underneath for his secret stash. He finally found the one he was looking for; the super rare magazine featuring many pictures of his favourite models. He sighed with pleasure as he opened the magazine and then again with not-so-much pleasure as he realised that if all went well, at the end of the day, this would no longer belong to him but instead would be in the brat's possession.

But enough of that, Frau picked up a stack of books and tucked the magazine into the middle of them so that anyone who glanced at him would not notice it. He knew that the brat had cleaning duty that morning and so, after kicking the floorboard back into place; Frau left the room to find him.

Teito was easy to locate; Frau soon found him sweeping the corridor near the guest rooms with Mikage sitting on the wall watching him.

"Oi, brat!"

Teito looked up from his work and frowned. "Good morning to you too, damn perverted Frau."

"Don't be like that; I have a present for you." Frau almost whined. "Aren't you going to see what it is? You'll like it." Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed Teito by the arm and pulled him away leaving Mikage yelping indignantly on the wall.

"Hey! Don't just… I have cleaning duty! And I am quite certain that anything you consider great will be somewhere on the bottom of my 'favourite things' list." Frau ignored the boy and continued to drag Teito until they reached an abandoned room on the second floor.

"Now then, it has been brought to my concern that despite not having hit puberty-" Teito opened his mouth angrily at this but Frau skilfully interrupted him. "- You have attracted many of the opposite gender. I feel that it is my duty, as your friend and superior to teach you these facts of life." Having reached the end of this speech, Frau brought out the porn magazine with a flourish and shoved it in front of Teito's face. "This is an extremely rare edition. I hope that you will enjoy this. Now…" Frau opened the magazine. "Look closely at the pictures and focus on them. Concentrate on the wonderful images and…"

"Enough!" Teito hurriedly pushed the magazine away, unable to hide his blush. "I am not interested in this kind of thing! I do not wish to spend my days turning into some kind of drooling pervert gazing at porn! You damn-"

He was interrupted by a sudden knock on the door.

"Teito-kun? Are you in there? You left your cleaning duty unfinished which is most unlike you. Are you feeling alright?"

Castor! Frau hastily stowed the magazine into his robes and picked up one of the books pretending to read it. Teito quickly retreated onto the balcony of the room and hid behind the curtain, hoping that Castor would not notice him. As he tucked himself away, he heard the door being opened.

"Ah… Frau, have you seen Teito-kun? I could have sworn that I heard his voice coming from this room."

"I have most certainly not seen the brat this morning."

"Really?" Castor sounded extremely unconvinced. "Because Mikage seems to think otherwise.

Besides, what are you doing in a guest room anyway?"

"I was… Er…"

"And why are the curtains drawn? Keeping the sun out today; you'd think that the inhabitants of the church are vampires."

The footsteps drew nearer to the curtain. Teito cringed further and further away from the entrance onto the balcony until he was sitting on the wall. Mercifully, they soon stopped.

"Frau, what is that hanging out of your sleeve?"


There was the sound of scuffling and a few thumps.

"I see! So this is what you were doing. Now, what to do with this… I could burn this… I could rip this into pieces; I could feed it to the Hawkziles… Oho… The endless possibilities."

Another scuffle was heard, followed immediately by a flying magazine and Frau who dived to save his precious porn. Unfortunately, Teito was knocked backwards in the confusion and plunged to the ground below.

He had never fallen like this before; it was a shorter fall than when he had fallen from his Hawkzile but this time he still had to consider that he was falling into Labrador's rose garden. Heaven forbid should he fall into any of Labrador's beloved bushes. Teito closed his eyes and braced himself for impact. And he waited.

Gingerly he opened his eyes to find himself completely unscathed and sitting on something soft. He looked down. The something soft was Frau.

"Urgh… Stupid brat falling like that and forcing me to save you yet again. You're no pixie either. Hey, aren't you going to get off now?"

Blushing, Teito hurriedly rose and stood awkwardly as Frau brushed himself down.

"Why did you do it?"


"Why did you jump after me like that? It's not like I was going to die or anything."

Frau scratched the back of his head as if in deep thought. "Did you want to end up in a hospital, brat?"

"No, but…"

"Then there."

He huffed and picked up the magazine which lay on a bush. "Sheesh, all of this when I wanted to show you the joys of being a man too. Anyway, don't you have cleaning duty to get back to?"

Teito's blush worsened a shade. "It was your fault in the first place, perverted bishop. Don't ever do that again. I'd rather it was me who ended up in hospital than anyone I care about."

The he left Frau to interpret those words as he wished.

Any grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors are my fault entirely. My beta-reader has trawled through this with a sieve so any mistakes are the ones which I have left in (because I'm too lazy to change them). Also please bear in mind that I am from England where the spelling is supremely weird.

Anyway, hope to see you soon with my next chapter!