CHAPTER TWELVE



"Frank, are you okay?"

"I need to go home." He said succinctly.

"Sure, maybe you should call your doctor, you look terrible." Chuck was worried. He hadn't figured that Frank would take getting his memory back so hard.

"I'll call later." Cameron said as he walked out of the trailer like a zombie.

Chuck called Clara and told her and also to warn her. It would be hours before she got home. He might just run by the house to check on Frank. He wondered if Frank would go back to Bay City. Amanda would be happy. But all the same he didn't want to lose him. He had taken a lot of the responsibilities at work so Chuck could concentrate on other things. We'll take it one day at a time, he thought.

Cameron arrived at the house and he went up to his room. Clara wouldn't be home for a while and he had to get under control. How was he going to handle all of this? He couldn't run away again. Realizing just what kind of a person he turned out to be was disheartening. He went into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face and neck. 'I guess having all this happen slowly was easier to handle.' He said out loud to the mirror. Looking at his reflection finally knowing who this was looking back at him. Cameron Frank Sinclair. Speaking his thoughts aloud seemed to put them in perspective. No one was home so he could yell and release some of this pent up anger. Pounding on the sink he continued his rampage.

'I can't call Amanda; she'd want things back as they had been. Too much has happened. I'll have to handle that later, not now. Gary, I need Gary.' Staring at his reflection he didn't like himself very much. Thoughts ran rampant through his jumbled mind, touching on different things in his past.

'My God, I killed my father. All those years in prison when I felt alone in the world. Not one member of my family got in touch. They blamed me for getting rid of that piece of garbage. I did them all a favor, but somehow they never saw it that way. I guess that's why I went to prison. No matter how he terrorized us, they still loved him. No one stuck up for me. I couldn't bring myself to feel anything for him. He was never one you could get close too. Even when he wasn't drunk he was sour to be with. What did Mama ever see in him? I guess you never know what attracts people to each other.' His anger was building all over again. Slamming the door to the bathroom, he paced his room, finally settling on the sill of the window. Staring at the trees and the sky he began to speak aloud again. 'I had never able to handle my anger well. Thanks to the help from the therapists in prison and those anger management classes, I can now keep these feelings in check.' Running his hands through his hair he continued to stare blankly at the world. 'How could I have even expected to fall in love? Put myself on the line? What was I thinking? I don't understand what made me think I could lead a normal life anyway. The best decision I made was leaving after Gary, Jr. died. I knew it was necessary to make a clean start. I always had a weakness for wanting to protect my family. Yes, that's why I left, to protect Amanda and Gary.' Pausing, he softly said, 'and myself. But now I'm intertwined back into their lives again. Oh God, please help me.' He sat down on the bed to get ahold of his nerves. 'Gary had been a rock during his visit, will he be the same now that I have my memory back? I'll just have to try. He's the only person who has been through it all with me. And he is the only one who can help me straighten out all of this.' Picking up the telephone he dialed Gary's number. 'Hello. Sinclair Investigations, Gary speaking.' After a long pause Gary said hello again and was just about to hang up when Cameron said, 'Hey Gary.'

"What's wrong Cameron?"

"What makes you think something is wrong?"

"Well, I just talked to you Saturday night and it's not like you to call during the day."

"Well, you see, I remembered some things and I need to see you. Do you think you could take a long weekend?"

"Let me see, I'll ask the boss, Yup, he said I could take a few days, nice guy you'd like him." Laughing at his joke.

"Thanks Gary see you soon. Bye"

Hanging up the phone, Cameron lay down on his bed. He should have told Gary not to say anything to Amanda. He didn't want to see her. He thought back to the time in the hospital when he was unaware of who Amanda even was. He couldn't fathom how she could forgive him? How could she have come here knowing what she knew? He had loved her, but he made conscious decisions that hurt her, just to save himself and Gary, and even Josie. He didn't deserve her. Putting his arms over his face he fell asleep. Dreaming a jumble of dreams, none of which were pleasant. He woke with a major headache. It was dark and he could hear Clara downstairs, she was talking to someone. His feet hit the floor and the talking ceased. Chuck must be there.

Pulling his shirt on he went downstairs. When he came into the kitchen they both looked his way and Chuck said, 'Hello Frank.' Clara got up feeling her way towards the doorway, put her arm around his waist and said, "I'm relieved, but I'm sorry the memories aren't pleasant. We had all hoped that getting your memory back would help you to find yourself again but Chuck said you just looked lost. Is there anything we can do? Can we call Amanda?"

"No!" he said sharply. Then realizing they hadn't a clue to his reaction he softened and said, "I need more time. I called Gary and he is coming out for a few days. I didn't tell him I remembered everything. Just some things I need help with. I just don't know how I can face this. I went through it once but now things are different. They have forgiven me but I haven't forgiven myself. I just don't think I can. I know you don't know the whole story but the short version is that I hurt Gary and Amanda so terribly that I couldn't face living with their disappointment of me. I made conscious decisions to hurt them and lied to cover them. Amanda knew part of the lie, and then found out all of it, which caused our calling off the wedding."

" Then Josie had your baby and Gary found out. And then Gary Jr. had a lot of difficulties and the poor thing didn't make it." Clara said causing both Cameron and Chuck to snap their heads towards her.

'What" they said in unison.

"Amanda filled me in on the whole story. The poor dear needed someone to talk to. She couldn't face her family with the truth. And she felt at ease with me. I was a disinterested third party."

"Why didn't you say something?" Cameron asked.

"How could I? You didn't remember and Amanda told me in confidence. She went through a bad time while you were in the hospital. She needed someone to listen and not judge.

To be continued..