Title: Repression

By: Bleeding Destruction

Began: July 24, 2013

Summary: Raye Penber was an average teenager. Until he failed to prevent his parent's deaths. Now, at sixteen, he's left alone to raise his ill sister. No one seems to notice his lack of memories, and if they do, they don't care. No one seems to care about the teenager. Pre-series. Can fit into canon.

Warnings: Triggers for self-harm and suicide.

Author's Notes: July 24, 2013: Well, I've began the third chapter, and this one I fully intend to finish in one day. Except it's kinda hard with Raye plotting my death and watching Durarara! with me xD He yells almost as much as I do when we watch TV together xD Although, I'm going to wait just a bit to upload it.

Chapter Three: Note

Raye's father left a note on the coffee table, not that it helped the teen come to terms with another death in his family.

Dear Raye,

I have caused you and your sister enough pain. Better for me to die slowly than quickly. Saves us all the pain, yeah?

Raye's blue-gray eyes teared up at that. He had influenced this. He knew now that this was his fault. This was his fault. His fault, his fault, his fault. He was reason both his parents were dead now.

I have not been such a good parent to you, Raye.

But Raye didn't agree. Sure, his father had failed to provide for them in the past few months, but Raye still loved his father. And now he was dead. Dead. And it was because of him. His fault.

I never spent a lot of time with you when you were young.

But it had been good enough for Raye! Why hadn't he ever told his father that? Why? Regret washed over the dark-haired teen like a wave.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I gave up when you needed me the most. I'm so sorry. But I can't watch you suffer like this. I can't live without your mother. I'm sorry.



'But I can't live without you and Mom!' Raye wanted to wail, but no sound would come out. He stood there for several minutes, holding the note with trembling fingers, blue-gray eyes wide in horror, blue-gray eyes just like his father's, fixated on the limp, hanging form. Finally, his jaw dropped as he let out a bloodcurdling scream, waking Aiko, as he fell to the floor on his knees, sobbing. And for the first time in the baby's short life, her cries were ignored in favor of Raye's form-wracking sobs. Raye sobbed and screamed until his throat was raw and his voice nearly gone.

Then, with great effort, Raye went to pick up Aiko, and grabbed the matches off the mantle. He held the baby as he lit the note on fire, and grit out hoarsely, "Shh, Ai-chan, Daddy's just gone on a trip. Just a trip."

He didn't seem to notice the ambulance carrying the body away.

"Daddy will be back soon."

And if anyone ever asked about Raye's father after that, he always responded that the older man was on a trip and would return soon.

The lie originally told to soothe a child became a truth for Raye. Became a lifeline.

And Raye would cling to that lie until his own dying breath.