Useless Knowledge

by Layton Colt

Daniel and Jack go on vacation. Jack gets them into trouble.

Author's Notes: I actually got this idea from a challenge Teri posted on Heliopolis, (# 1,897) but my stories never go as I plan them. It is still roughly based on Teri's original idea but I've added some of my own twists to it.

Challenge - What if Daniel is not as naive as he seems? What is he has had more experience with the military, maybe even covert operations, than his teammates know? Submitted by Garnet -

I will never again go on vacation with Daniel Jackson. The man is dangerous. I have long suspected that Daniel might be fearless. He seems to walk into danger with this belief that he is invulnerable. I think that it might have something to do with all the times he's come back from the dead.

I mean that's got to do something to you. To cheat death so many times. Needless to say, Daniel Jackson is not at all the man I first thought him to be.

And now, after this latest misadventure, I'm not even sure he's who I've come to think of him as. Daniel has all these hidden depths. I can't seem to get through them . . . to who he really is. But this trip has really gone a long way towards enlightening me.

It all started when Daniel decided to go to a dig in Mexico, I of course, being the overprotective team leader that I am, didn't want him to go alone.

Daniel wasn't exactly happy with me volunteering to be his travel buddy, but he didn't try to talk me out of it either. Probably realized it'd be futile.

As for the dig, well, we never actually made it there. To be fair, it's probably my fault . . . okay it was my fault but Daniel didn't help matters.

Well . . . alright, Daniel may have very well got us out of life in prison, but still. maybe I should just start from the beginning . . .


"Where are we going again?" I ask for what has to be the third time. I know I'm getting on Daniel's nerves, but hey that's why I'm here.

"Yucatan, Mexico, Jack." He's talking in his 'I'm trying to be patient' voice. "We're going to Merida, Yucatan's capital and from there we'll head to Bell's site."


"Isabella Molina. The archeologist who asked for my help. Jack, don't you ever listen?"

"Sorry," I mutter as I slid back in my seat. At least I get to sit by the window. I hate aisle seats on planes.

"You didn't have to come," he reminds me irritably. "I didn't ask for you to come along and baby-sit me."

"I know that," I answer defensively. "I've always wanted to go to Yucon."

"Yucatan, Jack. Yucatan."

"Whatever, the point is we both need a vacation. I figured if you went off alone it'd be all work and no play."

Daniel sighs, "It will be all work, Jack. Bell found an entirely new dig site, a whole city of abandoned ruins. It's the find of the century. Hell, it's only a little ways away from Chichen - Itza. Don't you realize how important this is?"

"Ah, no. Not really."

"Then you shouldn't have come. You should have gone fishing with Teal'c or something."

"Teal'c is off world on a mission. And Carter is visiting at her brother's. I just . . . I didn't want to spend my vacation alone." A total lie, of course, but the easiest way to deal with Daniel is to make him feel guilty. And trust me, this is not hard to do.

"Jeez, Jack, I'm sorry. Of course I want you to come. It's just that I'm going to be working a lot and helping Bell with the translations, but I'm sure we'll have time to do something . . ."

See? Look what guilt does to people.

Hours upon hours later we finally reached Merida. And I have to admit the place was beautiful. We got a nice room overlooking the entire city.

"Have you ever been to Merida?" I ask Daniel.

"Ah, yea," he answers distractedly. "On a dig back in college we passed through . . . I didn't get to do much sightseeing though . . ."

Why, oh why, doesn't that surprise me?

"Well, you will this time!" I say. "Come on, let's go exploring."

"Exploring?" Daniel asks. "But I have to review these text books before we reach the site . . ."

Completely ignoring his protests I grab my coat and go to the door, holding it open I look at him questioningly. "Well? Are you coming?"

He lets out a big sigh, and then precedes me through the door.

Not an hour later we're sitting next to a drunk and a mugger in the local lock up.

We didn't do anything wrong, of course. It was one of those blame the tourist things.

"Did you enjoy the sights, Jack?"

Daniel looks so perpetually innocent I'm not sure anyone else would recognize the edge to his words. He's blaming me for this of course.

'And why shouldn't he,' asked the traitorous little voice in my head.

Why shouldn't he indeed. After all it was me who dragged him away from the safety of his books. It was me who picked the seediest bar I could find. And admittedly it was me who started the brawl.

But I couldn't let the guy get away with calling me a tourist . . . even if I was one.

So now here we are. Both of us. No phone call. No lawyers. Just thrown in here. Two crazy guys watching us as though we're supposed to provide entertainment.

Maybe they expect us to break down in despair.

Well, sorry to disappoint but this is a walk in the park. When you've been through what Daniel and I have, prison just loses its fear factor.

"Yea, the sights were great," I finally respond.

"How do you like the view in here?" he asks. "Better than the one from the hotel?"

I look around at the stone walls. No. The view from the hotel room was definitely better.

"Well, the view from the hotel was alright . . . but I don't think you can compete with good ole' stone walls."

Daniel's glaring at me now. He wants me to admit I was wrong. I am. Wrong, that is but I won't admit it. Not yet anyway. I want to see if I can't get us out of this mess first.

Rolling his eyes Daniel turns away from me and looks over towards the sober criminal. He says something to him in Spanish.

I don't know what he said, but I don't like the smile that appeared on the criminal's face as he answered.

"What did you say to him?" I ask Daniel.

"I asked him how long he had been waiting."

"What did he say?" I ask.

"You don't want to know."

"That bad, huh?"

"That bad."

"You know . . ." I begin. "You could see this as an educational experience. I mean, it's not everyday you get thrown in prison."

"It's not?"

"Good point. I meant prisons on Earth."

"Oh . . . no, that doesn't happen everyday."

Everyday? What, like it's happened to him before? To Daniel? Ha.

"It hasn't ever happened at all," I say knowingly.

". . . right."

Now why doesn't that sound sincere?


"Yes, Jack?"

"Have you ever been in prison?" I can't believe I'm even *asking* him this. This is *Daniel*!

"Of course not. Not exactly."

Not exactly! What the hell does that mean?

"How have you not exactly been in prison?" I ask. Daniel's having trouble meeting my eyes and I'm guessing there's a story behind this.

"Shouldn't we be worrying about how we're going to get out of this mess?"

He's trying to change the subject, that much is obvious, but I'm much to weary to call him on it.

"Right," I accede. But before I can come up with some masterful plan to get us out free and clear someone finally comes to see us.

He's a big man, tall not wide. He's got a bushy little mustache, and he doesn't look to be a particularly friendly kind of guy.

"Why Doctor Jackson, we meet again."

We meet again? People actually *say* that?

I turn to Daniel in surprise, waiting for him to introduce us. He's gone completely white. I'm guessing whoever this guy is Daniel isn't happy to see him.

I get the feeling things are just going to get worse from here out.

Next time we get time off, *I* get to pick the vacation spot.

to be continued. . .

I know it's short, but I've got writers block (again). And I thought posting this might help motivate me to get back to work on it. It's just been sitting neglected in my lap top for who knows how long.