Morning came all too quickly. I didn't sleep. I didn't move. I don't think I even drew breath. I just wanted to freeze time. I would have given anything – every cent that I had or would ever have just to stay like this, with her… forever. It rained and thundered over night. The trees bending in the wind. I watched them dance as shadows from behind the drawn blinds. It reminded me of the night before this all began. The night at The Heathman. The night my loneliness drove me out into the night to find Ana. I listened to the morning birds, birds that could not be heard from the great heights of my apartment at Escala. I had grown used to the hum and roar of planes.
When the sun crept through the old wooden windows, through the cracks of the blinds. I watched it dance slowly across the floor as the minutes passed. It was like an hourglass, clocking what I knew would be the dawn of a new day. What I didn't know was what kind of day we would have. I had no control over the next few hours, all I had was what I wanted and that was Ana and my son. Everything else seemed irrelevant and unnecessary. That was what my heart was saying but my mind was a separate entity. My mind was on full throttle, crisis plan and protect mode. Plan A: Move them to my apartment or at the very least my building. I would then implement new security measures, a larger team. Leo would need his own detail for school, or I could hire a tutor. Ana would want to work still, of that I am sure. Publishing was her dream, I could easily make that a reality. Then there would be press. We'd have to manage the PR fallout and the potential exposure. Having a child would certainly poke a few holes in the rumors of my homosexuality. Ana would undoubtedly be painted as a golddigger looking for a payout. So many pieces to an ever growing puzzle.
If she refused that plan, which I was fairly certain she would, I had a plan B. Securing this house, buying the bank she worked for, setting up a security trailer on the property. Perhaps buying the surrounding property and building a proper house, a chopper pad to get me to and from the office. I could make it work either way. That would have less of a PR fall out but it would also offer me less control.
But the truth of the matter, both plans and all thoughts of control were a distraction from the distinct possibility that she would send me away and want nothing to do with me. It was the smart choice really, considering all that has transpired. It would make sense that she would just want to go back to her life before our paths crossed again. And while I couldn't imagine that possibility, I also would never deny her again. I would give her what she wanted even if it played against my desires. I owed her at least that.
The last few days have been difficult but they have also be life altering. And for a man who struggles to find meaning in life itself these days have meant everything. I can't imagine what they have been to her. I can only hope that despite her anger these moments have crept into her heart and altered her the same way they have altered me. I keep trying to put myself in her shoes. How she managed all this time. All I can see are long sleepless nights alone in this very bed, I see her crying and beating herself up for every stupid decision I made. It makes my stomach turn to think about it. Not that I was dealing much better during our time apart but I was accustom to suffering. She was not.
She makes a noise, not really a sigh but an elongated breath and then I hear her mutter Leo's name. I realize she is dreaming or maybe even in that blissful state between dream and wake. She presses into the barrier of my body and I wrap my arms around her tightly. The scent of her shampoo has dissipated but there is still the slightest hint that lingers around us.
Her breathing changes and she wiggles out of my arms turning to face me. She looks so young. Even younger than the first night I saw her. Our eyes meet and she smiles and that is when I know everything is going to be okay.
"You didn't sleep at all did you?" She frowns slightly and rubs her small hand along my stubble and then through my hair.
"I did not."
She leans forward. Her nose brushing my lips and then her lips finding my lips. It's a small peck. Our lips barely touching. She runs her hand along my now scratchy jawline and then through my hair. I lean into her touch. Her deep blue eyes are sleepy, but they are watching me to closely.
"My soul really does know you, doesn't it?" It's not really a question she is asking, it's a realization. Time and distance have come between us. My stupidity has come between us and yet here we are like two leaves blowing in the wind but we fell from the same tree and are made from the same seed.
I rest my hand on the curve of her waist, down over her hip finally resting on her thigh. My fingers running over the cotton of her night shirt and her smooth warm skin. We inch closer her body flat against mine. I can fell her breath quicken and her body tense. I want to kiss her, taste her. I want her to moan into my mouth and whisper my name as she cums. It a strange feeling wanting to not only consume her but to be consumed by her.
Her bravery surpasses mine and she kisses me softly, her hands in my hair. I respond in kind and our mouths are one.
She raises her leg over my hip and I can't help myself, I grab a handful of her soft ass pulling her closer to me.
She whimpers into the nape of my neck and then taking me by surprise presses her teeth into the soft flesh just below my jawline. With that small bite, my cock was already throbbing and aching against my suit pants, was now pulsing.
I shifted my weight forward, pushing Ana flat against her mattress. On my knees, straddling her legs I unfasten my belt, tossing it to the floor. Our eyes never breaking contact. She looks beautiful beneath me. Her lips reddened my our kiss and the two days worth of stubble on my chin. Her breasts heaving in anticipation and maybe a touch of fear.
She sits up, squirmed out from under me, kneeling before me and starts to unbutton my white linen shirt. She fumbles a bit and it's the most endearing and innocent thing I have ever witnessed. I'm sure she has buttoned and unbuttoned a hundred shirts for Leo but never for her lover. Because I am the only man to have had her. She runs her hands over my bare chest and I resist the urge to cringe or stop her. This is not about my past; this is about our future. I can't remember the last time anyone has touched me like this, maybe never and I relish in the small cold hands down over my shoulders taking my shirt of and tossing it to the floor as well. She leans forward and kisses my collarbone and then a round scar over my heart, flicking her tongue over my nipple. I take her head in both my hands and bring her mouth to mine. I shift forward bringing her back flat to the bed. She giggles. I kiss her neck, lifting her night shirt up and over her head. Her skin flashes with goose flesh. Her breasts are larger than before, the nipples brighter pink. I take one into my mouth while my hand massages the other. Using suction and then my teeth. She moans and I call tell she is trying to be quiet. Leo is only a room away. I kiss down her belly, there are stretch marks there now, some more faded than others. They remind my of the inside of an oyster shell. Iridescent and smooth. I kiss each and everyone, grateful for them as they allowed my son to grow strong. Saddened that I was not there to witness her body change.
I kiss her over her panties and she trembles as I slide them off spreading her legs wide and high, pushing them back at the knee folding her slightly. I take a moment to admire the place I have yearned for and then I fuck her with my mouth. She tastes just as I remember. And her clit becomes my instrument. I lick and suck bringing her to the edge but I don't want her to cum yet. I want her to feel my desperation for her. I want her to feel worshiped. I rest her feet on the bed and slip two finders inside her, her eyes lock with mine and I watch her watching me. She bites her lower lip when I find her g-spot and she begins to shake.
"Touch yourself Ana. I want to watch you." She hesitates for a moment but then slowly she guides her hand down her belly and slides them onto her glistening clit. "Did you used to think about be when you touched yourself?"
"Yes." She pick up her speed from small circles to larger fasters ones. I mimic the same motion inside of her.
"I thought about you deep inside of me. Like that night in the bar. I thought about your cock and how it felt so good when you were going fast and hard." Her hips begin to buck and I can tell she is close. I shift my fingers just a little bit and she moans loudly, covering her mouth with her free hand.
"I'm going to come Christian." And before my name fully leaves her lips she does. I can feel her walls clamp around my fingers contraction after contraction and then the rush of wetness. I smile as I watch her ride the waves out until she lies there lip and breathless. I give her a moment and she starts to laugh.
"It never felt like that in my fantasies. Oh my god. It never felt like that."
"I'm going to make you feel things you never thought were possible Ana."
I get up off the bed and unzip my pants, letting them fall to the floor and finally my cock springs free. Ana eyes grow large and wide watching me stroke my cock. I can feel every vein pumping with blood. I don't think I have ever been this hard in my life.
Again, taking me by surprise she sits on the edge of the bed, her mouth in perfect line with my cock. She rests her hands on my hips, her nails sinking into my ass.
"I want to taste you. I've thought about having you like this." She wraps her hand around my cock and begins to slowly and tentatively suck the tip. "I've never done this before..." She mutters returning me her mouth taking more and more of me in. Her mouth is small and warm and tight and out of nervousness her hand is locked around the base of my cock. Granted she has never don't this before but she has stumbled upon beginners luck. I tip my head back and lean in letting her work me over. It feels like heaven but I can't take it another second.
"Ana I need to be inside of you."
She eases back on the bed and I follow. With my arm outstretched about her I guide myself slowly. I run the tip of my cock between her lips, relishing in the softness of her hair. She eases her hips toward me and I push slowly inside of her and everything stops. Time and life itself. The room disappears and it is just she and I with nothing between us. The years melt away, all the lost time becomes meaningless because we are here now.
To explain how this feels is impossible. There are no words for this kind of love. All I know is when she came once and then again and again I felt like every broken piece of me was glued back together. And when I came deep inside of her with her name on my lips and the taste of her still on my tongue I believed in life again.
I believed that the universe has corrected my wrongs and brought us back together. And in that I found a quiet peace that had eluded me.
We lie there a sweaty, tangled, satisfied mess. He head rests in the crook of my arm and I am holding he hand over my heart. She tells me about the day out son was born. Not just the easy parts, but her fears and the pain. She tells me about the first days after she brought him home and how scared she was. She tells me about Leo's first steps and favorite foods and his love of air planes and I can't wait to get him into my chopper.
I tell her about the night I left her and the years that followed. The sadness and the isolation. The regret and the anger.
We talk like people in love do, honestly without fear of judgement.
We make love again in the shower and she finds me a pair of her fathers sweatpants and a tee-shirt from a bait shop that is splattered in the paint from Leo's room. We make coffee - not tea and she makes pancakes while we wait for Leo to wake up. She tells me how he likes to sleep late and worries when it's time to get him up for school next year. She sets the table for four and when I question it she tells me that Leo like to set a place for his imaginary friend Lala. It's almost nine when we hear the toilet upstairs flush and then the patter of little feet coming down the stairs. Leo appears in the doorway with rumpled race car pajamas and sleepy eyes.
"Morning mommy." He look at me and cock his head to one side. "Good morning daddy."
Ana and I are both stunned as we watch him climb up on to a kitchen chair. I've been called daddy before but...
"Lala says you are my daddy." He pushes away the fourth place setting. "Lala says she can go now because you found us. Mommy can I have some water." And it hits me all at once and yet so slowly. Lala is Ella, my birth mother. I can hardly believe it but it all makes sense. My mother has been watching over them all these years. Teaching my son our song. I can feel my eyes water and the back of my throat begin to burn.
Ana places a sippy cup in front of Leo and he drinks it in a few long gulps. She sits beside him and tries in vain to flatten his wild copper hair.
"Lala told you all of this?"
Ana looks at me with tears on her eyes. "Would you like a daddy?" Leo looks at me and smiles.
And just like that we become a family.