Hey Everyone, I'm finally back writing again. I hope to update some of my unfinished stories however I've had this idea in my head for a while. Hope you like the first chapter it was a lot sadder then planned but I promise things will get better
The nursery was a soft light crimson pink with pale cream border. Each wall painted differently; one wall had been decorated with small little white lambs chosen by their baby's grandfather. Another had been painted with a cherry blossom tree chosen by her grandmother.
They had decided on a beautiful white crib with delicate flowers carved into the pine. Just above the crib was their baby's name spelt out in large white letters. Each letter had been hand painted with pink flowers. They had chosen the name 'Eva' after their daughter's great-grandmother. The name also meant life and this was the start of their new lives together as a family.
Everything was perfect and they were all excited for the new arrival to their family. It finally felt as if everything was finally falling into place…
Emma sat in the rocking chair, made skilfully by Geppetto and Pinocchio as a gift for their new-born baby daughter. She slowly began rocking back and forth holding the delicate bundle in her arms.
Her little girl was wrapped up in the knitted blanket made by Granny. It was like Emma's however it had pink lace instead of purple. She had burst into tears when Red and Granny gave it to her at the surprise baby shower. Of course Emma blamed the tears on her hormones but secretly she could not wait to wrap her little girl up in it and hold her close. However that now felt like a distant memory.
In silence she watched as the night sky began to lighten. The sun was slowly rising in the dark sky, casting rays of light in every direction which illuminated the small town. Emma stared out of the glass panes as the colors made by the rising sun changed, growing more vivid with the passing time. The town looked more radiant as the sun rose higher into the sky. But even as beautiful as the morning was it could not stop the tears forming in her eyes.
Emma could hear the snuffle sounds of her baby in her arms, but she could not bring herself to comfort her. Their baby was perfect; she had beautiful big brown eyes like her father and light feathery blonde hair like her mother, yet Emma was afraid to look at her. She was terrified that her baby would be able to see the fear in her eyes. The tears slowly began to trickle down Emma's cheeks. Carefully she freed one of her hands so she could wipe them away.
Her heart was swelling with sadness. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This was all far too hard. What happened to the fantasies? What happened to the dream of a perfect home and family with Neal? They had worked so hard to get to this point. All the sacrifices they had made, the battles they had fought to be together. This was the place where she expected to feel love and comfort but instead felt guilt.
She couldn't help but unworthy of her second chance to be a mom, to have back what she lost with her first-born child, Henry. Even though she knew son was utterly devoted to his new baby sister, Emma just couldn't rid herself of these feelings. The guilt had completely taken her by surprise and it had overwhelmed her. She felt like she had no control over her own feelings anymore and it frighten her. She didn't know what to do with herself. How could she tell Neal how she felt? Seeing him so happy, this would crush him. So instead she tried to hide it; however the remorse was evident every time she looked into her little girl's bright eyes.
Over the last few weeks she had found herself avoiding certain situations. She would offer her baby a bottle instead of her breast; she had convinced Neal that expressing milk would mean he could have time to bond with their daughter, as well as help with the late night feeds.
She had also managed to avoid bedtime stories giving that job to Henry, who loved reading his book to his little sister. When it came to singing lullabies there was no one better than her own mother Snow White, who adored her beautiful granddaughter. Emma could feel her eye's beginning to sting with fresh tears. It now seemed that Eva was better off without her mother.
Emma couldn't help but jump a little at the sound of her partner's low tired voice coming from behind her. Turning her head slightly she could see Neal leaning against the door frame. His hair was scruffy and sticking out in different directions; his pyjamas were wrinkled and creased. She wondered how long he had been standing there, but due to the fact he had that annoying grin on his face, it was obvious he had not seen her tears.
Emma tried her best to fake a warm smile. "Morning," She whispered quietly, so not to wake the sleeping baby in her arms. Luckily for her Neal was still too tired to notice her pretense.
"And how are the two most beautiful girls in the world this morning?" He asked chuckling to himself. He swiftly made his way across the nursery. Leaning down he placed a small tender kiss on top of Emma's head before turning his attention to his daughter.
Gently he brushed the pad of his thumb across their baby's soft rosy cheek. Neal was completely besotted with his little girl; just like her mother she had stolen his heart right from the start. He finally had everything he ever wanted. He had Emma and the family he had so longed for. "She's so beautiful." He whispered before placing a kiss on top of her head. Lovingly he gazed back up at Emma. "Just like her mother." He smiled.
Emma could feel her breath hitch in her throat as she felt the tears threaten their way to the surface. She stared into Neal's deep brown eyes. His eyes shone with happiness. Why couldn't she feel this way?
Before the tears could fall she hurriedly passed the sleeping bundle towards him. "Can you take her? I need to jump in the shower." Before Neal had chance to answer, she had placed their baby in his arms and passed him the half empty bottle of milk.
Their daughter began to whimper at the sudden movement. She was clearly unhappy to have been pushed away from her mother, instantly missing the warmth of her embrace and longing to be back in her arms.
Neal was slightly taken back by Emma's actions; he would have questioned her if it wasn't for the distressed baby in his arms and his attempt to hold the bottle at the same time. Carefully he pulled Eva close to him, rocking her gently.
"Hey princess… Sshhh it's OK…. Your Papa's here." He cooed softly as he cradled his daughter against his shoulder. It didn't take long for little Eva's cries to soften as she fell back to sleep contentedly in her father's warm embrace.
Emma couldn't help but watch intently as Neal comforted their baby. He was so good with her, a natural. No matter how much and how hard she had tried their daughter never settled that easy for her. Eva was already a daddy's girl, what hope was there for Emma.
Neal tried to put Emma's earlier actions to the back of his mind as he rocked the sleeping baby in his arms. "I think this little one is out for the count." He smiled. "Henry is still at Regina's, how about I put this one back to bed and join you in the shower?" He mischievously grinned at his wife. It felt like so long ago when they had time to their selves.
A strange sense of panic began to rise in Emma. "Neal!" She quickly protested. "It's still too soon." It wasn't but Emma wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of being intimate with him again. She couldn't help but roll her eyes when he playfully pouted at her. "Anyway I need to get going, I'm heading back to the station today." She quickly added.
Emma nervously bit her lip as she watched a puzzled frown begin to form on Neal's face. "What do you mean you're going back to the station? You've got at least another two months before you have to go back." He couldn't understand why Emma was so keen to go back. He wanted to spend every moment with his family and dreaded the day when he had to go back to work at his father's shop.
"Unfortunately not everything just stops because we had a baby, Neal!" She huffed as she crossed her arms. Neal was right; there was no need for her to return to work. But for her own sanity she had to get away for a few hours. She needed a break, some time to clear her head. However she knew her husband far too well to know he would not drop it without a fight.
"You know your father is handling things at the station perfectly fine, there is no need for you to go back so soon." It was true; Charming had everything under control and since Gold had cloaked the town from the outside world there was no big danger to worry about.
Emma rubbed her temple in frustration. "Neal please let's not argue about this.. I just want to catch up on a few things. I'll only be gone a few hours I promise."
Neal dropped his head in defeat. "Fine ok," he sighed as he cradled their daughter a little closer to his chest. She had started to stir again, the sounds of her parents voices had disturbed her from her peaceful dream.
"Regina is dropping Henry back this afternoon, maybe we could meet you in diner? Have dinner together, all four of us."
Emma shrugged lightly "Um yeah sure… depends how busy things are…."
"Oh Emma come on!" Neal interrupted he was starting to get annoyed by her lack of enthusiasm. "It feels like we haven't spent any time together as a family in ages, it would be good for us and for Henry."
"Ok," Emma smiled weakly, the dread already forming in her stomach. She knew everyone would be excited to see baby Eva. She wasn't sure if she could hold up the pretense in public. "Well I best go jump in the shower. Oh I've also made up some bottles, there should be enough there for today."
Neal nodded. "Looks like it just me and you Eva." He smiled at his daughter. Emma could feel the tears threatening to fall again before she turned away from them
"Hey Em," She heard Neal call out. "We love you… you know that right?"
Emma turned and smiled. "Yeah I know… I love yo.. I love both of you too." She could see the concern slowly beginning to form in his eyes. He knows something is very wrong but she could see he was not brave enough to ask her yet.
Instead they shared one last sad smile before Emma turned away again. No longer able to keep up her walls for protection she made her away out of the nursery, she was doing the one thing she knew how to do well; she was running away from the problem.