A/N: So I was wondering what might happen to Sirius after he fell through The Veil. A long and complicated train of thought led to this. See notes at the end if you're confused. The title is a reference to the Blues Brothers.
Note: This is not intended to be Sirius from the Prime Timeline (canon).
I don't own Harry Potter, or any other commercially published novel, movie, TV show, etc.
"It seemed to take Sirius an age to fall. His body curved in a graceful arc as he sank backwards through the ragged veil hanging from the arch." From Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
Sirius awoke to find himself surrounded by bright light. As his eyes adjusted, he saw that he was sitting on a boat which was on a lake. On his left was a bearded man holding a fishing pole.
"Well, what are you waiting for Sirius? Grab your pole and start fishin'."
"Wh... where am I?"
"Lake Texoma. (That's in North America.) I like to vary my fishing spots, you know. Too many good spots all over the worlds for me to just stay in one."
"America... wait! I have to get back. Harry and his friends are in trouble!"
As the man vigorously shook his head, a large ring of keys suspended from his belt jingled, catching Sirius' attention. "I'm sorry, Sirius. Your trip through The Veil was one way."
"Then..." Sirius said bleakly, "I'm dead."
"No. Not exactly, anyway."
"I'm... an angel?"
The stranger laughed. "Nope. They're something completely different from us. You're still flesh and blood, but you're unable to reenter the world you came from."
Sirius was shouting now. "The world I... but I'm still on Earth. You said so!"
"Hold your horses, Sirius. What makes you think there's only one Earth? No, Sirius, not somewhere else in outer space. Look, there are other worlds, not places you could visit in a starship, no matter how far or how fast you flew. Other UNIVERSES. Pretty much an infinite number of them, too."
Sirius kept opening his mouth as though to say something, but kept closing it again, all with a terribly confused expression on his face.
The stranger stopped and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I completely forgot to introduce myself. You can call me Pete. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah... There are an infinite number of universes. Most are so different you wouldn't recognize them. Human life wouldn't even be possible. Other than that, you'll find that if something can happen, it has happened, somewhere out there."
In fact, there are even universes where what you call magic doesn't exist." He paused to let Sirius absorb that bit of information. "Yep. I grew up in one of those myself. Of course, there were the usual scoundrels who tried to fake magic to trick someone out of their money. Then there were the Dark Powers who would try to dupe folks into their service with promises of power, and of course various bits of Divine Intervention, but nothing at all like the abilities you call magic. Divine Miracles, yes. Diabolic Miracles, yes. Magic, no. Hey, you want a butterbeer? Something else we didn't have back home."
The man called Pete reached into a strange box bearing the name "Coleman" and pulled out two frosty bottles of the beverage. He opened them both with a strangely shaped bottle opener emblazoned with the image of a cartoon rodent wearing a red hat.
"Now, we come to why you're here."
Sirius shook his head before answering. "On Lake Texwhatsit?"
"I meant instead of going on to your afterlife. You still could, you know. Or you can stay here and help Harry."
"Help Harry? Of course I want to help Harry! Wait, you said I couldn't go back. What are you going on about, Pete?"
"Sorry. I thought I told you there were other universes. That means other versions of you, other versions of Harry. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to help those other versions of Harry. You can't help them all. Infinity divided by anything is still infinity. However, you should be able to give some help where it's needed. Nothing much, usually. Just a little push here, a whisper of encouragement there, an interdimensional Side-Along somewhere else. You don't need to worry about your version of Harry. He's getting plenty of help.
"I know it can be overwhelming at first, but you'll get the hang of it pretty quick. You get the picture?"
"Okay," said Sirius. "I'm in. What do I need to know?"
"Don't worry, Sirius. I'll teach you some of it. The rest of it, you can figure out no problemo. Besides, The Boss has already done the hard part, anyway."
"The Boss... Hold on, 'Pete.' I think I've figured out who you are. You used to go by Simon, right?"
"Which means your Boss is... God?"
"Correct. Let me guess, you're going to ask why He needs your help. Well, He doesn't. The Boss just likes to involve us in His business. Why, I don't know, but He does."
"I get that part, but I have to know... Why me? I'm no saint."
Pete smiled. "Neither was I. Why does anyone get chosen for great purpose? No one knows except The Boss, and He's not telling. In your case, though, I can tell you that the fact that you still have a body is a factor."
"Why would that be a factor?"
"Well, for one, you're solid. That makes a difference, you know. Most folks arrive in a rather insubstantial state. You came through with your physical body still intact. Which means you're not technically dead. That's a bonus in the job we have for you."
Sirius shook his head to clear it. When he looked up again, the two were no longer on the boat. Now, they were in what appeared to be a Muggle suburban neighborhood. They stood before a house with a blue pickup in the driveway.
"Okay, Sirius. Here it is. This is the Place-Between-Places. It doesn't really look like this; the human brain isn't capable of seeing it like it really is.
You can change how you see it, but this works as good as any. Each of these houses represents a separate universe. Just go in the front door. You'll arrive where and when you need to be. If a house is locked, don't bother. Otherwise, go on in. Once in a universe, you'll be able to use your normal abilities. Your wand is in your back right pocket, by the way, though you'll find you don't really need it. Plus, you'll be able to be completely undetectable at will. Intangibility and invulnerability, too. Once you enter a universe you'll know everything you need to know about it. When it's time to leave a universe, you'll know how. I think that about covers it."
Sirius rubbed his temples as he tried to take in all the rapid-fire information Pete had given him.
"Don't worry, Sirius. You'll know what you need to know when you need to know it. One of the perks of this job. And if you need a break between missions, that's fine. We have an incredible library back at Headquarters. How else did you think an ignorant fisherman got to know so much about interdimensional physics? All the greatest writings of the multiverse, you know."
Pete put his hand on Sirius' shoulder and looked him in the eye. "Godspeed, Sirius Black." With that, Pete vanished.
Sirius paused for a moment then summoned his Gryffindor courage. He turned toward the nearest house and put his hand on the doorknob.
"No time like the present. Or... however you measure time here."
1. Just in case you couldn't tell, Pete is supposed to be St. Peter.
2. My characterization of him as an American Southern redneck comes from the stand-up comedy of Jeff Foxworthy. "Y'all get into the truck, we goin' up to the big house."
3. I really believe St. Peter had ADHD. Just saying. I wrote him accordingly. Yes, I know he speaks in a rambling style with sentence fragments, etc. See the aforementioned ADHD.
4. The bottle opener is from Buc-ee's. It's shaped like Texas. The Buc-ee's in New Braunfels, Tx is the largest convenience store in the world. Just saying.
5. Pete calls God "The Boss" because that's how they did it in the TV show Highway to Heaven (my inspiration for this story). Also it sounds like something a redneck would do. Plus, the Greek word "Kurios" (which is used as a title for God - a translation of the Hebrew "Adonai") means Lord or Master, which could be colloquially translated into Modern English as "Boss."
6. No theological statement is intended by this story, nor should any be inferred.
7. No disrespect of God, any saint, or rednecks is implied, nor should any be inferred.
8. Are there other versions of Sirius running around the Multiverse helping out? Maybe.
Sirius will return. This is a pilot for a series of stories where he is an interdimentional version of Sam from Quantum Leap or Jonathan from Highway to Heaven. Sirius may not play a huge role in all of them, but if you look carefully you will see him cropping up from time to time.