This is 100% not meant to be taken seriously, but everything needs a "Mean Girls" meme. Everything includes "Dark Shadows." It's just too tempting to resist.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dark Shadows or Mean Girls


Victoria wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing. It didn't feel right to "spy" on other people, but Magda and Sandor were her friends. She never had any friends before and Mrs. Johnson had been pestering her about socializing ever since she first arrived in town.

She didn't know why the most popular clique in school was interested in her either. Magda had told her it was the perfect opportunity, whatever that meant.

At the moment, she was standing with the perfect four, Angelique, Laura, Carolyn, and Jenny. The other three were whispering at each other, in that way which made Victoria uncomfortable, but she was sure it was the norm.

Angelique's phone rang, the pop song startling Victoria. Calmly, the blonde fished it out of her pocket. She flashed the girls a ruby red smile.

"I have to take this."

And she was off without another word, which Mrs. Johnson would have considered rude, but how could someone like Angelique be rude?

Laura was the next to speak. "Jenny, you coming?" She flicked a finger. "Stokes tried to fail us. He's gotta burn."

Jenny smiled. "We'll hack him down."

"Mr. Stokes is nice," Victoria said in spite of herself.

Silence. The girls burst out laughing and Victoria laughed along quite nervously. "Oh Vicki, you've got so much to learn," Laura purred before she and Jenny left.

Only Carolyn Stoddard was left. The bubbly blonde threw a glamorous arm around Victoria's shoulder.

"You need a new wardrobe."

Victoria chuckled awkwardly, glancing at the students passing them in the open halls.

"So," Carolyn started, "See any cute boys?"

"Well, there is one guy, in my homeroom."

"Just so you're warned, Vicki, some boys are off limits."

"I don't follow."

"No worries. I'll be here to give you the 411." She giggled. "So, see that guy by the water fountain? The weirdo in the cape?"

Victoria remembered that boy. He was really helpful in her history class.

"That's Barnabas Collins, Angelique's ex. You stay away from him. Like, don't even talk to him. Ever."

The other girl frowned. "Why?"

"You don't want to end up like Josette Dupres."

"What happened to her?"

"Let's just say Angelique screwed her over so bad she transferred." She emphasized the next part. "To France."

Before Victoria could ask more questions, Carolyn's eyes were on another boy. "See that prick in pink? That's Roger Collins. You stay away from him too- he's Laura's ex and you do not want to piss Laura off."

That was a lot of information. Victoria's eyes lit up as she saw the boy from her homeroom pass by. He waved and resisting a blush, she waved back.

"No," Carolyn said, "No, no, no. Quentin Collins, off limits. Jenny's really good with scissors and it'd be a total bummer if she ruined your face."

That was disturbing information. Victoria would have to tread carefully.

"Hey, Carolyn, um I was thinking about joining Trask's history team-"

"Shut up, no way- that's social suicide right there."

"But-"

"You are so lucky to have us, Vicki!"

Victoria shut her mouth. Another rather appealing boy walked by, running a hand through his sandy hair.

"Is he off limits?" She asked.

"Jeff Clark? Ew. You can have him."


And that's a wrap. Until Willie Loomis stands Carolyn up for Maggie Evans- then it all goes to hell.