Paul Blart Meets the Baby Dinosaur Gang™ By Rub Tumtum.

CHAPTER 1. The Happening.

Paul Blart glanced over his shoulder. Then his other shoulder. He blinked the sweat from his eyes. He couldn't risk anyone seeing him watch his favorite movie, The Land Before Time, and watching it at the mall was risky, but he had heard that all his favorite characters would be making a surprise appearance that week to promote The Land Before Time; ON ICE, and he simply HAD to brush up on his already encyclopedic knowledge of the film before they arrived. His iphone nearly slipped through his damp, clammy hands, but once the opening theme started, his grip tightened like a vice. Euphoria rushed through Paul Blart's very soul as he watched Littlefoot, still only a hatchling, greedily devour treestars.

"Hey Bozo. Where's the treestar store?" came a familiar voice.

Paul Blart turned to find none other than Cera™ the horrible triceratops baby, grimacing up at him. Her wrinkled skin stretched around her pursed beak-like mouth as she regarded Paul Blart's girth with disapproval.

"Ce- Ce- Ce- Cer" Paul Blart couldn't help stammering. This was like one of his drunken fever dreams, which would haunt him long afterwards and remind him why he didn't drink. Cera of the baby dinosaur gang was HERE. She was staring at him. Judging his every Paul Blart movement. He couldn't afford to look bad in front of one of his heroes. Before he could regain his composure LITTLEFOOT™ arrived!

"Hey." Said the wise leader of the Baby Dinosaur Gang™. " Nice segway." somehow Paul Blart had been so shocked that he had failed to notice that Cera and Littlefoot had been riding on segways he whole time. Paul Blart nearly peed himself! THEY HAD SO MUCH IN COMMON ALL ALONG! Paul Blart longed to discuss his favorite segway speed settings, and now was his chance, but just as he was opening his mouth to reply, Littlefoot addressed his surly subordinate aloud; "Cera, you cant just ask fat guys on segways where the treestar store is. You have to say 'Show us where the treestar store is or else!'"

Paul Blart's blood ran cold. He had heard rumors about the true nature of the Baby Dinosaur Gang™ and the way they would get whatever they wanted. He had always laughed and refused to believe, but now he knew he was in denial. He was at their mercy, and there was only one option; fight or flee.

"Please, Baby Dinosaur Gang™!" Paul Blart sobbed openly as he screamed his plea while speeding through the crowded mall away from the pursuing prehistoric infants. "Please don't bite me on the penis!" Spike™ and Ducky™ had joined the hunt on their own segways, and all four were gaining on their prey. Paul Blart couldn't run forever, especially because he was about to crash into a Cinnabon.